Blissful_Betty
New Member
Hi, I am mom to 4, wife to one and utterly overwhelmed at this point. It feels as if the system and society is failing my son... and I am running out of time and answers.
My main question at this time is how to stop an ODD/CD = Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) 13yo from defiantly walking out of the house for hours on end with no contact, no real idea where or what he is doing.
My DS, 13 has been diagnosed as ODD/CD, ADHD, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and Childhood Onset Bipolar Disorder (COBP) with anxiety and depression issues. Since 9 months old we knew something was not quite right. Since 3 years old, he's been suspended and expelled from childcare and almost every school he's been to so far. Up until January he was taking Abilify 20 mg, Buspar 20 mg and Concerta 54mg. These seemed to work when first started, though not ever as much as we hoped. We've still seen the "seeing red" rage, where if you happen to be in his way when he goes into one of these gutteral screaming, absolute destroying tyrants, be prepared to be hurt. Unfortunately, this rage has caused a little girl in one of the classes at school to be bruised with his fingerprints on her arms, from where he basically picked her up and tossed her out of the way (she wasn't interferring or a target, just wrong place, wrong time), the elementary school had to be placed in lockdown as he ran the halls in one of these rages, he once broke away from staff that had stopped a fairly vicious fight with my son pinning another child on the ground and pummeling him... he broke away,ran and proceeded to slug the child in the back of the neck, this resulted in an emergency expulsion, new behavioral intervention class at a new school and the threat of assault charges as the child had to be closely monitored by a doctor for a bit after the trauma to the neck. Needless to say, we are a bit confused, hurt and SCARED.
Right around Thanksgiving 2010, he ran away from school during the day, his most recent M.O. and when he got home, he was told he needed to go back to the school and deal with the counselor or he was in contempt of his At risk youth petition court order... (had I been home, I would have attempted to escort him, or made an appointment for the next day and let the consequence of the contempt for leaving stand, but my husband was home and thought he was doing what was best for DS). DS decided he was going to get even angrier and with the threat of harming the student he was having issues with, he ran the 4 blocks back to the school. I called the school after my hubby called me and let them know that although I hoped the 4 blocks would be enough for some sense to come back to my DS they needed to be aware that he left with the intention of harming the other student. Sure enough, my less than clear thinking DS walked into the office (the 2 students, my DS and the other had been sent to the office for their altercations in the classroom) and proceeded to demand to have access to this other child. The vice principal, not a meek body or soul by any means, advised him to leave and DS proceeded to attempt to pummel the V.P. He was expelled and missed a month 1/2 of school due to the holiday timing and application to an intense behavioral intervention school, funded by the public sd.
Over Christmas break, he started leaving the house for hours and sometimes overnight without permission or contact. On one of these MIA sprees he Burglarized and stole 2 laptops and other tech equip. from a local private school and spent 4 days in Juvy until court. Then he was placed on 4 days of Electronic monitoring, which went well and then almost a full month of house arrest without the benefit of electronic monitoring. Toward the end of the month of house arrest, he started sneaking out of the backyard and defiantly walking out of the house... he'd be gone for hours without contact. After a week of this, he was placed back on Electronic monitoring Thursday. Friday, I had plans (which I rarely ever do) to go with a friend to a play and to dinner. He barricaded himself in my vehicle just prior to me leaving and when I said, I was leaving whether I had to take the city bus or the car, he jumped out. I left and got a text message 10 minutes later that he had cut his anklet and was on the run. I let my mom deal with the police reports and whatnot (I knew his mission was to sabotage my plans) and he wasn't seen again until the next late morning. I contacted all of his friends (a fairly short list due to his inept social skills) and made them aware that he was in violation of his probation and that the police would be sent to whatever address he was last known to be at to be escorted to juvenile. The friends families didn't want to become involved and so sent DS packing. DS came home and I gave him the option to have the police escort or me to the juvenile. The escape charge is an automatic felony (though they dropped it entirely in his overall criminal case) and an automatic 28 days in juvenile (4 served for this... Where's the consistency in the system?) He turned himself in and 12 days later attended his court date for sentencing of his criminal charges.
After 4 felonies (2 visa fraud, 1 escape and 1 burglary) an assault, theft and disorderly conduct were dropped to 2 Gross misdemeanors resulting in 60 hours of community service and 9 months probation, he promptly took up walking out of the house without contact, again. Criminal probation cancels the at risk youth petition probation which was assisting in making him accountable for household and societal norms for a 13 year old. Now he has a 6pm curfew which he hasn't followed with exception to 2 nights in almost 2 weeks and he feels that no one can touch him. I am at a loss. I feel the system is failing him. He is a child that MUST feel the consequences or he will feel he has pulled the wool over their eyes and can get away with it, and consistently he will raise the ante of his behavior.
I'm lost and it's affecting my DS 5. He sees Big Bro walking out, refusing simple directions and requests and has been told STRAIGHT OUT, by big bro, "You don't have to listen to mom, she's just being a big meanie". This scares us, we do not want to have our otherwise fairly normal 5yo picking up these self/family/society destructive behaviors. Any ideas? Let me mention that reward systems of any kind do not work and he's assaultive and destructive so physically getting in his way of any kind is dangerous. Thank you in Advance for any response.
My main question at this time is how to stop an ODD/CD = Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) 13yo from defiantly walking out of the house for hours on end with no contact, no real idea where or what he is doing.
My DS, 13 has been diagnosed as ODD/CD, ADHD, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and Childhood Onset Bipolar Disorder (COBP) with anxiety and depression issues. Since 9 months old we knew something was not quite right. Since 3 years old, he's been suspended and expelled from childcare and almost every school he's been to so far. Up until January he was taking Abilify 20 mg, Buspar 20 mg and Concerta 54mg. These seemed to work when first started, though not ever as much as we hoped. We've still seen the "seeing red" rage, where if you happen to be in his way when he goes into one of these gutteral screaming, absolute destroying tyrants, be prepared to be hurt. Unfortunately, this rage has caused a little girl in one of the classes at school to be bruised with his fingerprints on her arms, from where he basically picked her up and tossed her out of the way (she wasn't interferring or a target, just wrong place, wrong time), the elementary school had to be placed in lockdown as he ran the halls in one of these rages, he once broke away from staff that had stopped a fairly vicious fight with my son pinning another child on the ground and pummeling him... he broke away,ran and proceeded to slug the child in the back of the neck, this resulted in an emergency expulsion, new behavioral intervention class at a new school and the threat of assault charges as the child had to be closely monitored by a doctor for a bit after the trauma to the neck. Needless to say, we are a bit confused, hurt and SCARED.
Right around Thanksgiving 2010, he ran away from school during the day, his most recent M.O. and when he got home, he was told he needed to go back to the school and deal with the counselor or he was in contempt of his At risk youth petition court order... (had I been home, I would have attempted to escort him, or made an appointment for the next day and let the consequence of the contempt for leaving stand, but my husband was home and thought he was doing what was best for DS). DS decided he was going to get even angrier and with the threat of harming the student he was having issues with, he ran the 4 blocks back to the school. I called the school after my hubby called me and let them know that although I hoped the 4 blocks would be enough for some sense to come back to my DS they needed to be aware that he left with the intention of harming the other student. Sure enough, my less than clear thinking DS walked into the office (the 2 students, my DS and the other had been sent to the office for their altercations in the classroom) and proceeded to demand to have access to this other child. The vice principal, not a meek body or soul by any means, advised him to leave and DS proceeded to attempt to pummel the V.P. He was expelled and missed a month 1/2 of school due to the holiday timing and application to an intense behavioral intervention school, funded by the public sd.
Over Christmas break, he started leaving the house for hours and sometimes overnight without permission or contact. On one of these MIA sprees he Burglarized and stole 2 laptops and other tech equip. from a local private school and spent 4 days in Juvy until court. Then he was placed on 4 days of Electronic monitoring, which went well and then almost a full month of house arrest without the benefit of electronic monitoring. Toward the end of the month of house arrest, he started sneaking out of the backyard and defiantly walking out of the house... he'd be gone for hours without contact. After a week of this, he was placed back on Electronic monitoring Thursday. Friday, I had plans (which I rarely ever do) to go with a friend to a play and to dinner. He barricaded himself in my vehicle just prior to me leaving and when I said, I was leaving whether I had to take the city bus or the car, he jumped out. I left and got a text message 10 minutes later that he had cut his anklet and was on the run. I let my mom deal with the police reports and whatnot (I knew his mission was to sabotage my plans) and he wasn't seen again until the next late morning. I contacted all of his friends (a fairly short list due to his inept social skills) and made them aware that he was in violation of his probation and that the police would be sent to whatever address he was last known to be at to be escorted to juvenile. The friends families didn't want to become involved and so sent DS packing. DS came home and I gave him the option to have the police escort or me to the juvenile. The escape charge is an automatic felony (though they dropped it entirely in his overall criminal case) and an automatic 28 days in juvenile (4 served for this... Where's the consistency in the system?) He turned himself in and 12 days later attended his court date for sentencing of his criminal charges.
After 4 felonies (2 visa fraud, 1 escape and 1 burglary) an assault, theft and disorderly conduct were dropped to 2 Gross misdemeanors resulting in 60 hours of community service and 9 months probation, he promptly took up walking out of the house without contact, again. Criminal probation cancels the at risk youth petition probation which was assisting in making him accountable for household and societal norms for a 13 year old. Now he has a 6pm curfew which he hasn't followed with exception to 2 nights in almost 2 weeks and he feels that no one can touch him. I am at a loss. I feel the system is failing him. He is a child that MUST feel the consequences or he will feel he has pulled the wool over their eyes and can get away with it, and consistently he will raise the ante of his behavior.
I'm lost and it's affecting my DS 5. He sees Big Bro walking out, refusing simple directions and requests and has been told STRAIGHT OUT, by big bro, "You don't have to listen to mom, she's just being a big meanie". This scares us, we do not want to have our otherwise fairly normal 5yo picking up these self/family/society destructive behaviors. Any ideas? Let me mention that reward systems of any kind do not work and he's assaultive and destructive so physically getting in his way of any kind is dangerous. Thank you in Advance for any response.
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