Newbie son 16

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Di B, Apr 4, 2012.

  1. Di B

    Di B New Member

    Hi my son is 16 years old adopted as a baby as is his sister ,he is loving gorgeous but very very hard to parent .He has been a tough nut all his life not wanting to compare them but I will have to ,he is forcefull,over zealous,moody and often over moody has been for years .He is very often impulsive and very irrational ,is he just a teenager I don't know .He swears at us steals from us and is verbally quite abusive he is also a compulsive liar at times .I have no idea where to get help for him ,I love him but he is making life very difficult forums all .He has always had time with us both my hubby is astay at home dad so been there isn't a problem ,but he has got such a big chip on his shoulder .I am scared its more thn just moods ,he has a family history of depression and sycotic disorders in his birth family .Yhe doctors didn't take it very seriously when I took him as he was polite etc and pleasant when we went .Henis a lovely lad but there is something not right but I don't know where to get him help Di
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. I am an adoptive mom too. The first thing we have to admit when we adopt is that the child is not ours genetically and will inherit gifts and problems from birthparents, as well as wisdom from our parenting (we hope!). Some adopted kids came from more difficult parents than others. Did the birthmother do any drugs or drinking while pregnant?

    Because of your chld's genetic history, in my opinion it's very important to have him totally evaluated. He could have inherited a mental illness. Psychotic disorders often show up in the teens. Is he taking any recreational drugs, even pot? If psychosis is in the background, pot even pot is pretty dangerous. Has he seen a neuropsychologist or a Psychiatrist? If not, in my opinion it's a good time to do it before things get worse. Do you have a good mental health system in the UK? I'm sorry...I don't know much about it.

    Glad you found us, but sorry you had to.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hello and welcome. I too am an adoptive mom to a 15 yr old "tough nut". I hope you can find a good neuropsychologist to evaluate him because that kind of specialty may be needed for his background and his ability to "seem calm" when you go for a short appointment. (LOL, I have a kid who could never pull that off....haha). It is great your husband can stay at home for the kids. How does he do at school? Is it only in your home that he is acting like that? I think the drug and psychosis question is important to investigate, though I can imagine it is one of those things that is not easy to even think about. But there are many possibilities and that is why a general evaluation is so important.

    I hope you come and share with us more....glad to meet you, Dee
  4. Di B

    Di B New Member

    Hi thanks for the reply he did poorly at school came out with failed exams except physical ed which he did fab in , I am going to get him back to the doctors and ask that they refer him as he definitely needs help .His birth mum did drink not sure about drugs they never told us but 18 months later his birth sister came along and she is doing great top of the class and done her exams 2 yerars early y and passed with good grades .I doesn't feel he is on drugs but one never knows do they and I don't want to try and pretend I on ow all that he does .I can say that as this place in annonomus he was sadly the victim 16 monts go of a female paedophiles who has subsequently been served 2 years in prison and on the sex offenders for life .He was very brave and did a DVD statement which got her arrested and convicted and I am very proud of him for at as it was so hard .I understand the trauma he went thru too and currently we are seeking thru the police suitable counselling for him re this obtrasity on him .His anger and problems however where there before this terrible thing happened this has just impacted on that for him even more .Its difficult to knw the right pay but he has us both and hubby there all he time too Di
  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome,
    I'm so sorry about your issues with your son. I'm an adoptive mom also, but I know nothing about my children's bio families. In your son's case, whether he has substance or mental health issues are unknown right now, but the sexual abuse I'm sure is a huge factor in his behavioral issues. That is just awful, I feel terrible for him, no one should ever be violated like's so much to deal with, and at such a precarious age, too. in my opinion, the whole family should be in therapy, as this is a major issue that affects absolutely everyone in the family. I'm sure you'll find an excellent doctor who will evaluate your son to get to the bottom of what's happening. Again, I'm sorry. Please keep in touch thru the board.
  6. Di B

    Di B New Member

    Thanks I feel so overwhelmed right now want to be there for him ,but not wanting to allow all the terriable behavious just go without any recriminations .I feel so bad for him we are all suffering court last week I went and god it was awfull but felt justice had been done and for him he knows the law believed him they actually came to us re this .I want to help him I obe him and he can be so sweet and affectionate but the other him he is awfull abusive and not a nice person .I don't want to loose him to this behavious and do not intend to give up but boy it's tough going !
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, Di B...

    You're in a really challenging situation - these latest events really muck stuff up fast and proper. And yes, he does need help for these things.

    But... he also needed help before it even happened, and you still need to get to the bottom of these things too.

    Has he ever had a comprehensive evaluation? Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation? Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluation?
    Who did his dxes, and who prescribed medications?
    When did his problem start... always there? or when he started school, or whenever?
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If birthmother drank while pregnant that can cause really difficult problems, including school issues and serious behavior problems. And one child can be affected by the booze while the other is not. Or maybe birthmom stopped drinking the second pregnancy.
    At any rate, with the birthparents mental health issues, if you can get him an evaluation (updated) I'd do it. Also, never discount drug use with difficult children. They are really good at sneaking. Does he have nice friends? That's a big clue as to whether or not he is abusing drugs or alcohol...if his closest friends do it.