Newbie with-8yo ODD/ADD

[jetreahy]

Out of desperation this morning, I got on my computer to find a local support group for parents of kids with behavior problems. I didn't expect to find a local group, but did manage to find this one and I think it will bring some relief!
It can be hard at times, when you don't have many people to talk to about your child's behavior or the way it affects everything around you.
My son was diagnosed with ADD and ODD about 6 months ago. I had avoided medications with understanding from his therapist, in hopes that therapy would help enough.
School is a huge issue. He has trouble with reading comprehension and is way behind. Math is the opposite. His behavior can be terrible and in 2nd grade he has already had 4 ISS. They want him on medications, pronto. He goes in Monday for medication evaluation. I am very nervous, but if it can bring some degree of normalcy I am ready for it.

At times I feel like I am at the end of my rope. 'A' can be the sweetest kid, then turn into a monster in the blink of an eye. His 'tantrums' can last hours. He weighs 90lbs at 8yo. I am 115 and it can be very hard to keep him under control with flaying arms, hands and feet. He doesn't care if he hurts himself, others, damages property or hurts animals in these cases. Insults, threats and toys start flying.
To top it all off he is a major story teller (has earned several concerned calls home from school), lies constantly and has now taken up stealing (with elaborate tales).
After a very hard morning, I was thinking how hard it is at times to 'love' my child. I won't give up, but at times, I really want to.

 

[BusynMember]

HI and welcome to the board

Can you tell us a bit about his background? What was he like when he was an infant, toddler, younger child? Any speech delays? Was he always challenging? Does he see his father at all? Any psychiatric problems on either side of his genetic background? Substance abuse? What type of professional is going to prescribe medication? I would not allow the pediatrician to do that. Also, who diagnosed him?

 

[jetreahy]

Thanks.
Yes, he had speech delays (was just released from speech therapy a month ago) and was behind most normal stages as an infant and toddler. He had anger and behavior issues then, too, but they were 'related' to his lack of communication. He does still wet the bed almost nightly and has trouble learning basic things kids his age should know. Tying his shoes is one example. He has learned this several times, but seems to always forget and then it is a battle.
His dad and I got divorced when he was a year old. We had joint custody until he left the state about 2 years ago. Now "A' sees him during school breaks. Our parenting skills are different. He is very lax and even more so now that he has him less allowing "A' to do what he wants, where I am more of a disciplinarian and of course have the school schedule, so things are more firm here. 'A' does seem to get more anxious and moody the more time that goes by with no contact from his dad. Sometimes 2months will go by with-o a call.
His dad's side of the family had some behavioral problems, but none were ever diagnosed. Nothing that I know of on my side of the family, but my Mom has always been overly private and in fact after trying to talk to her about 'A''s problems, I would not be surprised to find some.
No substance abuse.
He has been going to a local Mental Health Hospital here in Indiana. (Wabash Valley Alliance) and has been seeing a (MS) therapist there who diagnosed him. He has to see another person for a medication evaluation. He is some type of nurse. I can't remember his exact title at the moment, but he is their most conservative 'medicator' according to the therapist.

 

[keista]

Welcome, you found a great place for support.

I know it's hard thinking of putting your child on medications, and finding the right ones can be just as difficult a task, but it sounds like it's time to give it a try. I'm a huge believer in medicines, but NEVER thought I would have my 8 yo on them. 2 years now trying to figure out the right ones. Hard, because sometimes it's the medications, and sometimes her changing body. Although it's been difficult and not perfect all the time, I am certain that it was the right choice because the way she was going was just impossible to deal with at times.

 

[jetreahy]

Hi Keista,
I am terrified! 2 years of trying to find the right balance? Yikes!
That does scare me, but his behavior scares me more. I was completely against it when we first started going, but now, if it can help....

 

[BusynMember]

Hmmmmmmmmm. Does he know how to get along with his same age peers? Does he have an IEP for school to help him?

 

[keista]

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I did not mean to scare at all. To quote myself:

I am certain that it was the right choice because the way she was going was just impossible to deal with at times.

Even with the really bad hiccups we've had I wouldn't go back to no medicine for her. After the first one I considered going back to medication free because it was SO wrong for her and the psychiatrist refused to write anything else for her (he was right, I was wrong, end of story) so I found a new psychiatrist and got new medications that worked, and even though they worked, they didn't fix everything, so we added another which was a godsend - for a while. New symptoms started emerging. Took me a while, but with the help of this forum (seeing things through different "eyes"/perspectives) I determined the culprit for the new symptoms was also the "godsend" medication. Now getting her off of it and looking forward to the next step, but not going back to medication free.

The good times in between allowed her to see what "normal" should be like. She has a basis of comparison now which she never had before.

I've heard and seen some ppl get the right medications the very first time. It can happen. Just not for DD1, and not for everyone.

It's very lucky you found this group BEFORE you started medications. I'm sure everyone here will agree that one of the best things you can do is start keeping a log of DS2's symptoms. This will help in keeping track if a medication is working, making things worse, causing new symptoms, etc.

 

[jetreahy]

Midwest Mom- No, he does not get along very well with other kids. The kids at school avoid him. He does play with a couple at recess and has a few that live close by that he will get along with on most days. He does fight and argue with them a lot. His best friend right now has the same issues he does, so there is a constant 'we aren't friends anymore!'

What exactly is an IEP? He was in a program called GLASS as a preschooler and through this year in school, mainly for Speech Therapy, but they did help with his behavior issues when he was younger. They released him about a month ago. His therapist is looking into something (I forget what it is called) where another therapist works with the school and will help with issues there.

 

[jetreahy]

Keista, You didn't necessarily scare me. I just didn't realize how long it could take to find the right ones. I am ready for him to try them. Therapy alone isn't helping.