newbie with a 2yr difficult child ...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 2BoysnKy, Sep 15, 2012.

  1. 2BoysnKy

    2BoysnKy New Member

    Hi, I'm J a single mom of two boys my easy child is 5yr old. My difficult child , Shorty will be 3 in Dec. I have him started in therapy as things went south after visitation with their ..... eh father ... (no further visitation is scheduled). We are not sure what is going on with him yet. All I know is that he is not a typical 2 yr old. He goes into fits of hitting,kicking, biting, will actually charge you from the other side of the room to hit you. Has started to not eat certain foods he has always enjoyed saying something about the texture of it after saying it taste good. He hates to have his hands dirty. Getting his car seat can be a major battle. It has taken me 30 minutes several times to get him in his seat so we could leave where ever we are to go home or to the next place we need to go. He always wants his elmo blanket and lately has started to cling to a certain bear. I try not to set him off and try to redirect him before he explodes or try to explain what we are doing to make things go smooth. He looks you in the eyes and has become very verbal. I'm not sure what is going on and would love some ideas.. I am sure I have left things out as so much is going on with him.. he does have separation anxiety and I do know bipolar, adhd, odd are in the family. Just not real sure where to go....
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Welcome to the board, although sorry you have to be here.

    Obviously something is the matter, although he is so young it will be hard to get a definitive diagnosis. In my opinion, he is very young to know if he has bipolar. He could have some neurological disturbance which will also be hard to pin down at his age. However, it would help if you told us about his infancy and early toddler years. Did he have any very early red flags that he would be difficult? Did he suffer from a lot of chaos...one caregiver after another? Did you divorce? Was he possibly abused? Most likely it is a combination of things. I would try to get him into community services ASAP.

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this...it's not fun and, at his age, everything is a guessing game. The only thing I pretty much can tell you is that something is not right and he needs help fixing it.
     
  3. 2BoysnKy

    2BoysnKy New Member

    I agree it is too early to say he is bipolar I just know it is in the family. As an infant and toddler he was fine with milestones and health. I left his father when he was 8 months and he's only spent a little time with him. His therapist and I both are concerned over what may have happened during the summer visitation. He had a few "out burst" before the visitation but that could have been normal two year old behavior or it could have been the start of this. We don't know. He didn't have separation anxiety before the summer visitation either. I could leave him with my mom or cousin without any issue. He has finally got to where he isn't having a meltdown when I leave but it takes about ten minutes to get out the door still. With the possibility of abuse and genetics I am pretty much ready for a wait and see for a diagnosis. I just need some help of things to try with him I guess. He won't sit in time out at all and it makes matters worse trying to get him too, taking things away doesn't work and he will keep hitting,kicking,biting until he is done. All I can do is hold him when he is like that to keep everybody from getting hurt and I don't like doing it but don't know what else to do. walking away doesn't work he follows, telling him it hurts, that its not nice, stop etc he doesn't care. No sets him off more so I stay away from using it. When he is just playing he will come up and pinch,punch,or kick you and laugh. I'm just lost with what to do with him. I have tried to keep him on a strict schedule and it doesn't help except taking him out in public during nap time is of no help. I still keep him to the schedule it is just easier to know what is happening when with my oldest in school plus karate 4 days a week. I keep sugary foods away and only allow my boys juice,milk, water to drink. Candy is a treat not something they get everyday. I have even kept carbs low so he doesn't get extra sugar/ energy from them. I'm lost with this boy
     
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    How long was the summer visitation? And... If there were limited or no visits before that - I can see the separation anxiety, because it was pretty much dumped on him. We had similar issues with Jett - because husband's visits with him were pretty much random, he threw FITS when it was time to go back to Mommy...

    More in a bit, our power just went out. (Battery on my laptop stinks.)
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is there a chance ex or one of his friends or family members abused your son?

    When son was an infant and toddler (before all this) did he comfort easily, like to be held, and seem happy?
     
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Sorry I don't have any hard fast advice. I do have experience with a child who goes to visitation and comes back different. I'm so glad yours doesn't have to go to visitation anymore. It's my opinion that the abuse my x put/puts difficult child 1 through caused his mental illness to come out early and more aggressively. Some of the things we did with difficult child 1 when he was 4 was find a good therapist who did play therapy, have him draw pictures of what he thought the reason was he got in trouble, have him identify his emotions, we had to have a time out room (for the safety of everyone else, he could pick up a chair bigger than himself and throw it across the room), I sang him to sleep every night.
     
  7. 2BoysnKy

    2BoysnKy New Member

    I could always comfort him as an infant and toddler. I co-slept with him so cuddling is still not an issue. Unless he is having a fit then of course I can not comfort or cuddle with him :sigh: . I am sure the visitation is what caused the separation anxiety. I am seeing signs of anxiety in general now too. I am sure some kind of abuse went on during the summer visit setting this off quicker. I have a new attorney who is fighting tooth and nail for my boys. Court is pushed off for a few months because of difficult child. We need a report from the therapist for court and the judge we have takes them serious. I'm not going to blame it all on being abused I am sure he has the genes for it all as I am bipolar(stable) and was an ODD child with adhd, however I do know it has set it all off early, hard and quick. In therapy he does play therapy and has been allowed to do art while we talked but hasn't done actual art therapy yet. The things that have come out of him:censored2: ... nothing a two year old should be saying happens to people by any means. I need a time out room that would be soo nice. He is the size of most 4yr olds which is why I have such a hard time getting him in his car seat when he doesn't want to go in it. I put easy child to bed in the bedroom at night (he says he doesn't want his brother down there because he won't let him go to sleep) and the baby stays upstairs with me. He either falls asleep in his beanbag or in the recliner with me rocking. I try to get him to lay down and its a fight so I only try like once a week and he use to just go to his bed and fall asleep by himself. I would so like to know what happened so I could "fix" it for him tho I am sure its genetic too working out some would have to make it a little easier I would think. ... Is therapy the only thing right now that I should be doing?
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think more can be done. I would find out where you can test two year olds to see if he has sensory issues, any speech abnormalities, or if anything is spotted that is not right. He can get help through PT or Occupational Therapist (OT) or SLT if it is found that he needs them. You may want to take him to a developmental pediatrician or a neuropsychologist to see where to go from here beyond therapy. My motto: "Better to be safe than sorry." My own son had interventions at two years old through the county.
     
  9. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    You can call Early Intervention in your state (each state has a program, but it goes by different names. But googling Early Intervention and your state should bring you to the right place). They will talk to you on the phone and then come test your son at your home for free. They will check all areas of development. If you wait until he turns 3, you will then have to contact the preschool program of your county. They take over from age 3 to 5.
    All this is free of charge to you and if he qualifies for services, you will be reassured that everything is done for your son to feel better and grow good.
    Sweet Pea is in EI. She has speech delay and has violent daily tantrums. I put her in her room and close the door. I can still hear everything but it helps keep the emotional level low for the rest of the household. Her therapist just talked to me about 1-2-3 magic. We are trying it now, we'll see how it goes.
    As far as potential abuse, I suppose you are already on top of it through therapy.
    But please, don't hesitate to call EI. It is so worth it.
     
  10. 2BoysnKy

    2BoysnKy New Member

    He was already turned down for the EI here :dissapointed: He's to vocal (even when he wasn't very vocal and his speech was horrible) his coordination is to good, he can count and tell you colors and shapes... seriously that defines if he needs any help from the EI.
    I will talk to his therapist about screenings when we see her tomorrow and will call the insurance company to see about a neuropsychologist in the area that is covered.
    I realized another sensory thing today that I hadn't thought about. the past 6 months every hair cut he has had he says it hurts every time you clip any hair and he freaks if the hair touches him. I always noticed it but never thought about it. My guess is since I am on alert with him I am going to notice and realize a lot more.
     
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Being aware yourself, is going to help in the long run.
    In the mean time, start a parent report - its up in site help and resources, but I can't remember what it's called - fastest way to find it is to look for a post by Susiestar... she has the link in her signature.

    As you collect more information and compile your notes etc., it will help in the longer run in making your case for various sorts of help and resources.
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I can't believe he was turned down for EI! I would make sure he gets a private assessment then push for EI again. He sounds like the typical sort of kid who could desperately use it. Jeesh, my kid made sounds and pointed and knew all his letters and numbers and they STILL saw something was "off" and they took him!

    Good luck!
     
  13. 2BoysnKy

    2BoysnKy New Member

    I found the Parent Input / Multi-Disciplinary Evaluation so I have that on my computer now I will start that today. I am lucky enough that I live in a fully furnished basement apartment in my parents home but we spend a lot of time upstairs so I get loads of help from my mom. I feel bad for Bubba like I am pushing him off a lot of the time since Shorty demands/needs so much attention but my mom steps up to make sure he isn't left out. Also my mom has videos of Shorty in his violent fits. I can only hope video can help. EI .. eh leave it to the state... I'll get what my son needs one way or another. After Shorty's therapist appointment I am calling his pedi to get in and see if she can schedule the evaluation. I am thinking she can......
    FYI You all are of great help
     
  14. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    You are right, don't give up: there are ways to help without EI. V did not qualify for EI and he is my true difficult child. So don't get discouraged and keep pushing. Try to find an Occupational Therapist (OT) clinic that specializes in sensory issues. It often gets overlooked by other professionals or even Occupational Therapist (OT) who have no or very little training in sensory processing disorder (SPD).
    Keep us posted on your progress.
     
  15. 2BoysnKy

    2BoysnKy New Member

    What do they do in a multi-disciplinary evaluation? I know it involves several specialist but I want to know more about it before I jump and run to it. I am not going to jump and run to anything without knowing more about it. I love Shorty's therapist but she seems to think that therapy and group therapy is all he is going to need.... I do not agree knowing the family history from my side and :censored2: ex's side even if abuse did happen i don't think this is all from it. Therapy will help but I have to know what the issue(s) is to do anything constructive and quit running in circles with the poor baby.
    So tell me about your experience with the evaluation please .... any type of evaluation that you think would be helpful.... as I keep looking for what is available here ......... going to start a new thread for evaluation experience....
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2012
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