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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 185997" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>OK, I now have a bit of time to really go through this carefully.</p><p></p><p>Leisa, the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) score you got - interesting. Definitely worth discussing with the psychiatric. I wouldn't see it as a concern, more like giving a sense of direction.</p><p></p><p>If your son is eventually diagnosed as Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), I would NOT see that as bad news. I would see it as explaining a great deal and opening doors to get you more help and better understanding.</p><p></p><p>Kids like ours cop a lot of crud simply because of the way they behave and the way they are perceived by other people. Whether the kid has a label - that comes second. The kid cops it first. A label can explain, can make sense of it. A label doesn't CAUSE the discrimination, because generally the kid is already obviously odd one out.</p><p>I know you didn't ask this, I'm responding to a situation I've seen too often with other people, where one of the parents (or more) or maybe someone else in the family, blocks efforts to get a formal diagnosis because they don't want the kid labelled. It's as if they would rather the kid get his head kicked in or get ostracised because of his poor social skills, rather than possibly get a bit of understanding because the child falls somewhere on the autism spectrum.</p><p></p><p>School can be a nightmare. I think I said that. difficult child 3 has had some good teachers as well as some bad ones. Even the bad teachers clearly liked him and tried to help, but they were either ineffectual, or inconsistent, or hamfisted, or always looking for the quick easy solution to any problems. Often I was ignored, or discounted, by the bad teachers. Added to this we had problems with bullies and bullying in general was (and still is) a big problems in our local school. difficult child 3 grew to see bullying as a part of life he had to endure. He also began to learn that rules were differently applied to him.</p><p></p><p>We changed schools for him to try him somewhere that had a good reputation for dealing with bullying. difficult child 3 was puzzled by this - it wasn't what he was used to. A kid jostled him at the new school and said roughly, "Out of my way, dummy!" and difficult child 3 just stood there and said to him, "Well go on then. Hit me."</p><p>The kid, to his credit, ran and got a teacher (because it seemed to him that the new kid was trying to start a fight). The teacher was smart enough to work out the problem - difficult child 3's internal rule stated, "first they call you names, then comes the hitting." difficult child 3 just wanted the boy to hurry up and get it all over with.</p><p></p><p>I am going to talk about difficult child 3, but I think what I tell you will sound very familiar to you.</p><p></p><p>First, difficult child 3 did not learn anything at school. He's a very bright kid, he started Kindergarten already reading and doing simple maths problems. But because he was ahead of other kids, they just left him. I wanted them to give him some extension or similar, in his skill areas; but they said they preferred to work on his problem areas and to only let him move ahead once he got the regular schoolwork done. The trouble with this - difficult child 3 couldn't see the point in doing work he already knew.</p><p></p><p>Second, he had a lot of trouble staying on task in class. There were too many distractions. He took a lot longer to begin a new worksheet, he would fuss about his pencils, his ruler, the light shining through the window and reflecting off the taps, anything. By the time he began to work, the class would be finished and it would be tie to begin something new. And it would all begin again.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 had a lot of trouble getting back into 'work' mode after any break. There was always a time period when he couldn't settle.</p><p></p><p>He was easily distracted from work mode, once he WAS working (still is). A classroom is FULL of distractions - a chair scrapes, a kid sneezes or coughs, someone else sniffs, papers rustle, pencils tap or get dropped, kids talk. Teachers interrupt to remind kids about things or to add some information. Kids ask questions. The whole lot together can totally disrupt difficult child 3's ability to get any work done.</p><p></p><p>Over the next few years this kid who was very bright, who began school way ahead of other kids, was slowly falling behind. He could often do exams but if he was having a bad day he might get a bad failing grade. However, because they knew about his autism, they took into account the problems he had in demonstrating what he knows. He was allowed to do his exams in a room on his own, was allowed use of a computer and allowed extra time. With these allowances, he passed most exams.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 had very bad anxiety and it was getting worse. His behaviour would deteriorate towards the end of each school year, with problems seeming to begin earlier each year. Finally the problems were there from the beginning. He wanted to go to school, he liked school and the chance to learn, but he was so anxious about it he was nauseous and vomiting. By this stage his teacher was insistent that the problem was physical; yet she would also accuse him of trying to make himself sick so he would be sent home. I could describe her as a female dog, but that would be insulting to all canines. difficult child 3 missed about half his school year that year, spread over the whole year. I had to get medical certificates to cover each absence. And because I refused to 'reward' his 'illness' with time off from schoolwork, I made him work while at home probably even harder than school. That was when I discovered how little he had ever learned. We began to fill in the gaps in his learning.</p><p></p><p>Other kids can be wonderful, or horrible. The nasty kids (and sometimes even 'good' kids can be bullies, 'having fun') would deliberately stalk and target difficult child 3 purely for their own entertainment. Teachers did nothing, or worse. I won't go into it all here. But this is not restricted to difficult child 3 - ANY kid who is different, has a short fuse, is likely to rage when provoked is going to be targeted and ANY efforts to work with these kids in learning self-control are doomed to failure - the bullies are just too good at pushing the buttons and the failure of the system to prevent this can be seen as enabling the bullies. Our kids then begin to see themselves as DESERVING the bullying and beatings simply because of who they are. Teachers discipline inequitably - the difficult child gets more detention often because people are watching more closely; plus they are ill-equipped to be their own advocates.</p><p></p><p>It needn't be like this. There are other options. And even within the system, there are some things that can make a big difference.</p><p></p><p>Here is a list of what helped us.</p><p></p><p>1) "Explosive Child" worked well for us at home. I wrote a summary for the teachers, but they wouldn't use it. But some techniques were a benefit and ANY improvement for us at home was due to what WE could do. I learned to ignore raging and tantrums especially if they were in response to school problems not sorted properly.</p><p></p><p>2) A communication book. Brilliant, on so many levels. If you haven't got one of these, get one. High school might try to refuse to use it, but have a go while still in primary, get into practice. This works.</p><p>What you need to do - get an exercise book. Write on the cover, "difficult child's Communication Book" and underneath, "Teachers, parents, friends - write in this book please. Anything good, bad or interesting. Then please replace this in difficult child's schoolbag."</p><p>Daily (if possible) feedback is valuable. You can't understand how valuable until you don't have it for a while and the bad incidents begin to increase.</p><p>Keep it informal and light. I also found it best to not react if the teacher said anything negative about my child - I preferred their frankness to tact, when it came down to knowing what was really going on in the teacher's mind.</p><p>I might write in the morning, "He slept badly last night, he may be tired today and as a result, more obsessive and more distractible than usual."</p><p>The teacher might write, "Thanks for the warning, it was good to know. He took a little longer to get working in the morning, but after lunch he worked really well, I was pleased with him."</p><p>We used all this information to stay on top of any problems. Finding out about an incident or problem a week later is no good.</p><p>Sometimes we'd get apparently unrelated information and because of the Communication Book, we could join the dots and be on top of the problems quickly.</p><p></p><p>3) "School work during school hours".</p><p>There were so many times he was home from school, either because of behaviour problems or because of "I feel sick!" or being sent home because he was vomiting. At first I would dig out his homework and give it to him to do. Then I begged work sheets from his teachers and gave him those. But I found that he worked fast and effectively at home and I kept running out. So I bought educational material of my own and also some good educational computer software.</p><p>That was when we discovered how poor his progress had been and so we worked with him to fill the gaps. His knowledge in some areas was extremely primitive. But at home, he learned fast. I also gave him the extension work he had never been given.</p><p>We still follow this rule - it works well for us. I can't recommend it highly enough.</p><p></p><p>4) School problems stay at school.</p><p>By this I mean, don't punish at home for problems that happened at school. The school will have given him their own punishment. Home needs to be a refuge from school, not an extension of it. Home can be a place where education continues but it does need to be a safer place. So if he misbehaves badly and gets suspended, then make sure the suspension doesn't have reward payoffs for him, but otherwise don't punish further. Would you expect the school to punish your son for him backchatting you the night before? Of course not.</p><p></p><p>5) Homework can be a HUGE issue.</p><p>You CAN put in place an option to have him not given homework. Or you can get homework given so he can do it on weekends. If your child is on stims which help him work much better, it's really unfair to expect him to be able to do homework when the medications have worn off.</p><p></p><p>6) Reducing choices and organising tasks. While Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids especially feel a strong need to control elements in their life, sometimes they shouldn't get too wide a range of choices. It can be difficult - a child making Choice A is thereby cutting himself off from Choice B, Choice C, Choice D, and so on. Sometimes this is too difficult. Tucked in with this is the need sometimes to structure the task, to break it up into easy steps and to work with him to accomplish each step.</p><p></p><p>7) Motivating with reward rather than punishment. Firm control and strict discipline are not the same thing.</p><p></p><p>8) Getting into the kid's head to think from his point of view.</p><p></p><p>We have found a lot of these things have made a very big difference over time.</p><p></p><p>Things put in place by either the school or education officials -</p><p>1) Use of computer/extra time especially in exams.</p><p>To get this you need a report on his handwriting issues (either tidiness, or floppy joints, or other issues) from an Occupational Therapist and also his treating specialist. They assess handwriting and compare it to his computer skills. If necessary, they will recommend a computer skills course. The Dept of Ed might also buy something like an Alphasmart Neo for him to use both in the classroom and in exams. difficult child 3 has one - they are very useful indeed. Not expensive, and it stays with him until he finishes school. If he changes schools, it goes with him to the new school. But it belongs to Dept of Ed.</p><p></p><p>2) Quiet room to work in.</p><p>It turns out this is really important for difficult child 3. It's not always possible in all schools but could be something to fight for, if your son has similar problems. It should always be possible for exams.</p><p></p><p>3) Playground supervision.</p><p>Sounds like you've already got this. difficult child 3 only had it for one term but it was such a huge help to him. I couldn't get it allowed again, even though it clearly worked. The reason - nobody had formally reported on the outcome, and without a positive outcome report they wouldn't justify more funding for it to continue. The playground supervision shouldn't make him feel like he is being stalked. Sounds like they're doing it wrong. He needs to be 'on board' with this or it will be counter-productive. It needs to be explained to him that the supervision is there to help him stay safe but also to help him organise games with other kids. difficult child 3's playground supervisor kept her distance considerably, and would organise games like team sports and by doing so, she was able to monitor the social interactions and make sure that problems weren't happening like kids changing the rules specifically for difficult child 3 (a common problem). She developed a relationship with him and made it clear she was there for him, not as a policeman but more like an entertainment director.</p><p></p><p>4) Modifying the curriculum material.</p><p>This is possible. If anything, it needs to be done. What if he were blind? Would it be right to punish him for not being able to copy accurately form the blackboard? The type of modification depends on what he needs, in order to best access the curriculum material.</p><p></p><p>There is so much more. I can't put it all here. But there are options.</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure if Ajuga would be right, either. I do know people who work there, I've herd a lot about it (and other similar places). difficult child 3's current placement also has kids from similar establishments so we do cross paths. A lot of those kids are there because of behavioural problems from a wide range of causes. You get the kids who are borderline criminal, as well as the kids whose behavioural problems are more related to a congenital problem rather than a lifetime of bad parenting. So you get the socially inept kids mixing with the canny thugs. The teacher attitudes CAN be really good, but sometimes they have the automatic vibe of "these kids are always trying to put one over on me" and I'm not sure that negative feel is good for our particular kids.</p><p></p><p>There are other options. I don't know what your son's IQ score is, but if his academic progress is so poor he might qualify for IM or even IO placement. It would put him with the "dummies" but frankly, he would be safer and probably do better. Again, the work could be modified to his capability. IM & IO classes are Special Education classes for kids with lower than average IQ scores. There are about 8 or 9 kids in each class, with two teachers and a teacher's aide, minimum. All staff have to be trained specially. The other kids - tend to be NOT the bullies waiting on the street corner, if you know what I mean.</p><p></p><p>And another option which I've been fighting for (and which has been bearing some fruit) - a Special Education class like IM or IO, but specifically for high-functioning autistic kids. This is so they can go to the mainstream classes they feel they can handle, or their home-room for everything else.</p><p></p><p>Your son has the right to have access to the same education options as everyone else. Failure to provide this is discrimination. I do not consider a mainstream high school grade to be "providing equal educational opportunity" for a lot of high-functioning autistic kids. It certainly isn't providing safe access.</p><p></p><p>If the best you can get is a part-time aide (and for a lot of us, it IS the best we can get) then this is not going to be enough in high school. However, if high school is where they want to send him, then they should try to transition him by acclimatising him (and you) to the high school he would be going to. Dept of Ed prefer to do this from Term 4 of Year 6, but I think you have to ask for it. We certainly had to. I think it should start well before Term 4, because you're being asked to lock in choices when you haven't yet worked out what you want. I would be talking to the school counsellor about it (or even the District Office Disabilities person) and ask to discuss options well ahead of time so you can have time to consider everything.</p><p></p><p>If you still have concerns, be prepared to tell the department that you do not think any of the options available for him are satisfactory. And be prepared for them to say, "You have no choice."</p><p></p><p>You DO have choice, if only because he has legal rights.</p><p></p><p>But before you can formally access a lot of this stuff, you need a diagnosis that is a better fit.</p><p></p><p>Home-schooling is an option a lot of parents of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids turn to. We chose Distance Ed, which is a state-based form of home-schooling. He has teachers, he has a school with an address, but the work is posted out to us and he does it at home.</p><p></p><p>There is also Distance Ed primary. We transferred difficult child 3 to this partway through Year 6 and loved it.</p><p></p><p>You don't have to be a teacher for your child with Dist Ed - all you have to do is make sure he doesn't cheat on the work. If there are any problems, you can call the teacher on the phone and talk to them about it. Or the child can. We found keeping to a routine helped a lot, but you can have flexibility too. The best thing - I could now organise my doctor's appointments and know I wouldn't have to cancel it and turn back because the school had (AGAIN!) called me to come collect my vomiting (or misbehaving) kid from the office.</p><p></p><p>Distance Ed isn't always possible because a lot of parents can't be at home with their child or organise a supervisor. I think this is a shame, because it has made such a difference to us. But that's life, unfortunately. That's why I'd like to see more Special Education autism classes set up. There is a huge need.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 has changed immensely, for the better. He's an amazing kid. He was slow to talk, he didn't respond to his own name as a toddler and he just didn't understand for a long time. He was still partly non-verbal when he started school even though he had been reading since before he was 2. Socially the gulf between him and his classmates grew wider. At school he was getting angrier, wilder, more violent. Since leaving - he's improved socially. His language now - superior. His test scores are all high, he's won awards for his schoolwork and he now is a self-starter with his learning.</p><p></p><p>He's far from perfect, but so wonderfully improved that when people meet him casually very few know or even suspect there is any problem. He knows about his autism and sees it (now) as an integral part of his make-up. It is part of who he is and although it can be a drawback at times, it also brings talents and gifts which he wouldn't be without.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to hear about the ex problems. What a jerk. And surely his 'achievements' with GFG14 can't recommend his parenting?</p><p></p><p>Your son has self-esteem problems, you say. Chances are it goes way beyond self-esteem to anxiety and depression? If his problems extend to anxiety and/or school avoidance, then you have grounds to justify Dist Ed. Dept of Ed don't like Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids taking this option because the attitude seems to be that if a kid has poor social skills, then throwing them into mainstream is what they need. In fact, it is the worst thing to shove them into mainstream. They can't pick up social skills by osmosis. If anything, they learn very bad habits socially because the examples there are so bad.</p><p></p><p>You said, "12 year has been told repeatedly that if there is any trouble or boys picking on him to go to the office and just sit if he wants and not to fight back." - He is not going to be able to follow through with this because of his impulsivity and because there is only one of him, and quite a number of other kids all organised into a group trying to use your son as their entertainment source. For him to be always punished for the school's failure to keep him safe - I get so angry with this response from schools.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 185997, member: 1991"] OK, I now have a bit of time to really go through this carefully. Leisa, the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) score you got - interesting. Definitely worth discussing with the psychiatric. I wouldn't see it as a concern, more like giving a sense of direction. If your son is eventually diagnosed as Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), I would NOT see that as bad news. I would see it as explaining a great deal and opening doors to get you more help and better understanding. Kids like ours cop a lot of crud simply because of the way they behave and the way they are perceived by other people. Whether the kid has a label - that comes second. The kid cops it first. A label can explain, can make sense of it. A label doesn't CAUSE the discrimination, because generally the kid is already obviously odd one out. I know you didn't ask this, I'm responding to a situation I've seen too often with other people, where one of the parents (or more) or maybe someone else in the family, blocks efforts to get a formal diagnosis because they don't want the kid labelled. It's as if they would rather the kid get his head kicked in or get ostracised because of his poor social skills, rather than possibly get a bit of understanding because the child falls somewhere on the autism spectrum. School can be a nightmare. I think I said that. difficult child 3 has had some good teachers as well as some bad ones. Even the bad teachers clearly liked him and tried to help, but they were either ineffectual, or inconsistent, or hamfisted, or always looking for the quick easy solution to any problems. Often I was ignored, or discounted, by the bad teachers. Added to this we had problems with bullies and bullying in general was (and still is) a big problems in our local school. difficult child 3 grew to see bullying as a part of life he had to endure. He also began to learn that rules were differently applied to him. We changed schools for him to try him somewhere that had a good reputation for dealing with bullying. difficult child 3 was puzzled by this - it wasn't what he was used to. A kid jostled him at the new school and said roughly, "Out of my way, dummy!" and difficult child 3 just stood there and said to him, "Well go on then. Hit me." The kid, to his credit, ran and got a teacher (because it seemed to him that the new kid was trying to start a fight). The teacher was smart enough to work out the problem - difficult child 3's internal rule stated, "first they call you names, then comes the hitting." difficult child 3 just wanted the boy to hurry up and get it all over with. I am going to talk about difficult child 3, but I think what I tell you will sound very familiar to you. First, difficult child 3 did not learn anything at school. He's a very bright kid, he started Kindergarten already reading and doing simple maths problems. But because he was ahead of other kids, they just left him. I wanted them to give him some extension or similar, in his skill areas; but they said they preferred to work on his problem areas and to only let him move ahead once he got the regular schoolwork done. The trouble with this - difficult child 3 couldn't see the point in doing work he already knew. Second, he had a lot of trouble staying on task in class. There were too many distractions. He took a lot longer to begin a new worksheet, he would fuss about his pencils, his ruler, the light shining through the window and reflecting off the taps, anything. By the time he began to work, the class would be finished and it would be tie to begin something new. And it would all begin again. difficult child 3 had a lot of trouble getting back into 'work' mode after any break. There was always a time period when he couldn't settle. He was easily distracted from work mode, once he WAS working (still is). A classroom is FULL of distractions - a chair scrapes, a kid sneezes or coughs, someone else sniffs, papers rustle, pencils tap or get dropped, kids talk. Teachers interrupt to remind kids about things or to add some information. Kids ask questions. The whole lot together can totally disrupt difficult child 3's ability to get any work done. Over the next few years this kid who was very bright, who began school way ahead of other kids, was slowly falling behind. He could often do exams but if he was having a bad day he might get a bad failing grade. However, because they knew about his autism, they took into account the problems he had in demonstrating what he knows. He was allowed to do his exams in a room on his own, was allowed use of a computer and allowed extra time. With these allowances, he passed most exams. difficult child 3 had very bad anxiety and it was getting worse. His behaviour would deteriorate towards the end of each school year, with problems seeming to begin earlier each year. Finally the problems were there from the beginning. He wanted to go to school, he liked school and the chance to learn, but he was so anxious about it he was nauseous and vomiting. By this stage his teacher was insistent that the problem was physical; yet she would also accuse him of trying to make himself sick so he would be sent home. I could describe her as a female dog, but that would be insulting to all canines. difficult child 3 missed about half his school year that year, spread over the whole year. I had to get medical certificates to cover each absence. And because I refused to 'reward' his 'illness' with time off from schoolwork, I made him work while at home probably even harder than school. That was when I discovered how little he had ever learned. We began to fill in the gaps in his learning. Other kids can be wonderful, or horrible. The nasty kids (and sometimes even 'good' kids can be bullies, 'having fun') would deliberately stalk and target difficult child 3 purely for their own entertainment. Teachers did nothing, or worse. I won't go into it all here. But this is not restricted to difficult child 3 - ANY kid who is different, has a short fuse, is likely to rage when provoked is going to be targeted and ANY efforts to work with these kids in learning self-control are doomed to failure - the bullies are just too good at pushing the buttons and the failure of the system to prevent this can be seen as enabling the bullies. Our kids then begin to see themselves as DESERVING the bullying and beatings simply because of who they are. Teachers discipline inequitably - the difficult child gets more detention often because people are watching more closely; plus they are ill-equipped to be their own advocates. It needn't be like this. There are other options. And even within the system, there are some things that can make a big difference. Here is a list of what helped us. 1) "Explosive Child" worked well for us at home. I wrote a summary for the teachers, but they wouldn't use it. But some techniques were a benefit and ANY improvement for us at home was due to what WE could do. I learned to ignore raging and tantrums especially if they were in response to school problems not sorted properly. 2) A communication book. Brilliant, on so many levels. If you haven't got one of these, get one. High school might try to refuse to use it, but have a go while still in primary, get into practice. This works. What you need to do - get an exercise book. Write on the cover, "difficult child's Communication Book" and underneath, "Teachers, parents, friends - write in this book please. Anything good, bad or interesting. Then please replace this in difficult child's schoolbag." Daily (if possible) feedback is valuable. You can't understand how valuable until you don't have it for a while and the bad incidents begin to increase. Keep it informal and light. I also found it best to not react if the teacher said anything negative about my child - I preferred their frankness to tact, when it came down to knowing what was really going on in the teacher's mind. I might write in the morning, "He slept badly last night, he may be tired today and as a result, more obsessive and more distractible than usual." The teacher might write, "Thanks for the warning, it was good to know. He took a little longer to get working in the morning, but after lunch he worked really well, I was pleased with him." We used all this information to stay on top of any problems. Finding out about an incident or problem a week later is no good. Sometimes we'd get apparently unrelated information and because of the Communication Book, we could join the dots and be on top of the problems quickly. 3) "School work during school hours". There were so many times he was home from school, either because of behaviour problems or because of "I feel sick!" or being sent home because he was vomiting. At first I would dig out his homework and give it to him to do. Then I begged work sheets from his teachers and gave him those. But I found that he worked fast and effectively at home and I kept running out. So I bought educational material of my own and also some good educational computer software. That was when we discovered how poor his progress had been and so we worked with him to fill the gaps. His knowledge in some areas was extremely primitive. But at home, he learned fast. I also gave him the extension work he had never been given. We still follow this rule - it works well for us. I can't recommend it highly enough. 4) School problems stay at school. By this I mean, don't punish at home for problems that happened at school. The school will have given him their own punishment. Home needs to be a refuge from school, not an extension of it. Home can be a place where education continues but it does need to be a safer place. So if he misbehaves badly and gets suspended, then make sure the suspension doesn't have reward payoffs for him, but otherwise don't punish further. Would you expect the school to punish your son for him backchatting you the night before? Of course not. 5) Homework can be a HUGE issue. You CAN put in place an option to have him not given homework. Or you can get homework given so he can do it on weekends. If your child is on stims which help him work much better, it's really unfair to expect him to be able to do homework when the medications have worn off. 6) Reducing choices and organising tasks. While Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids especially feel a strong need to control elements in their life, sometimes they shouldn't get too wide a range of choices. It can be difficult - a child making Choice A is thereby cutting himself off from Choice B, Choice C, Choice D, and so on. Sometimes this is too difficult. Tucked in with this is the need sometimes to structure the task, to break it up into easy steps and to work with him to accomplish each step. 7) Motivating with reward rather than punishment. Firm control and strict discipline are not the same thing. 8) Getting into the kid's head to think from his point of view. We have found a lot of these things have made a very big difference over time. Things put in place by either the school or education officials - 1) Use of computer/extra time especially in exams. To get this you need a report on his handwriting issues (either tidiness, or floppy joints, or other issues) from an Occupational Therapist and also his treating specialist. They assess handwriting and compare it to his computer skills. If necessary, they will recommend a computer skills course. The Dept of Ed might also buy something like an Alphasmart Neo for him to use both in the classroom and in exams. difficult child 3 has one - they are very useful indeed. Not expensive, and it stays with him until he finishes school. If he changes schools, it goes with him to the new school. But it belongs to Dept of Ed. 2) Quiet room to work in. It turns out this is really important for difficult child 3. It's not always possible in all schools but could be something to fight for, if your son has similar problems. It should always be possible for exams. 3) Playground supervision. Sounds like you've already got this. difficult child 3 only had it for one term but it was such a huge help to him. I couldn't get it allowed again, even though it clearly worked. The reason - nobody had formally reported on the outcome, and without a positive outcome report they wouldn't justify more funding for it to continue. The playground supervision shouldn't make him feel like he is being stalked. Sounds like they're doing it wrong. He needs to be 'on board' with this or it will be counter-productive. It needs to be explained to him that the supervision is there to help him stay safe but also to help him organise games with other kids. difficult child 3's playground supervisor kept her distance considerably, and would organise games like team sports and by doing so, she was able to monitor the social interactions and make sure that problems weren't happening like kids changing the rules specifically for difficult child 3 (a common problem). She developed a relationship with him and made it clear she was there for him, not as a policeman but more like an entertainment director. 4) Modifying the curriculum material. This is possible. If anything, it needs to be done. What if he were blind? Would it be right to punish him for not being able to copy accurately form the blackboard? The type of modification depends on what he needs, in order to best access the curriculum material. There is so much more. I can't put it all here. But there are options. I'm not sure if Ajuga would be right, either. I do know people who work there, I've herd a lot about it (and other similar places). difficult child 3's current placement also has kids from similar establishments so we do cross paths. A lot of those kids are there because of behavioural problems from a wide range of causes. You get the kids who are borderline criminal, as well as the kids whose behavioural problems are more related to a congenital problem rather than a lifetime of bad parenting. So you get the socially inept kids mixing with the canny thugs. The teacher attitudes CAN be really good, but sometimes they have the automatic vibe of "these kids are always trying to put one over on me" and I'm not sure that negative feel is good for our particular kids. There are other options. I don't know what your son's IQ score is, but if his academic progress is so poor he might qualify for IM or even IO placement. It would put him with the "dummies" but frankly, he would be safer and probably do better. Again, the work could be modified to his capability. IM & IO classes are Special Education classes for kids with lower than average IQ scores. There are about 8 or 9 kids in each class, with two teachers and a teacher's aide, minimum. All staff have to be trained specially. The other kids - tend to be NOT the bullies waiting on the street corner, if you know what I mean. And another option which I've been fighting for (and which has been bearing some fruit) - a Special Education class like IM or IO, but specifically for high-functioning autistic kids. This is so they can go to the mainstream classes they feel they can handle, or their home-room for everything else. Your son has the right to have access to the same education options as everyone else. Failure to provide this is discrimination. I do not consider a mainstream high school grade to be "providing equal educational opportunity" for a lot of high-functioning autistic kids. It certainly isn't providing safe access. If the best you can get is a part-time aide (and for a lot of us, it IS the best we can get) then this is not going to be enough in high school. However, if high school is where they want to send him, then they should try to transition him by acclimatising him (and you) to the high school he would be going to. Dept of Ed prefer to do this from Term 4 of Year 6, but I think you have to ask for it. We certainly had to. I think it should start well before Term 4, because you're being asked to lock in choices when you haven't yet worked out what you want. I would be talking to the school counsellor about it (or even the District Office Disabilities person) and ask to discuss options well ahead of time so you can have time to consider everything. If you still have concerns, be prepared to tell the department that you do not think any of the options available for him are satisfactory. And be prepared for them to say, "You have no choice." You DO have choice, if only because he has legal rights. But before you can formally access a lot of this stuff, you need a diagnosis that is a better fit. Home-schooling is an option a lot of parents of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids turn to. We chose Distance Ed, which is a state-based form of home-schooling. He has teachers, he has a school with an address, but the work is posted out to us and he does it at home. There is also Distance Ed primary. We transferred difficult child 3 to this partway through Year 6 and loved it. You don't have to be a teacher for your child with Dist Ed - all you have to do is make sure he doesn't cheat on the work. If there are any problems, you can call the teacher on the phone and talk to them about it. Or the child can. We found keeping to a routine helped a lot, but you can have flexibility too. The best thing - I could now organise my doctor's appointments and know I wouldn't have to cancel it and turn back because the school had (AGAIN!) called me to come collect my vomiting (or misbehaving) kid from the office. Distance Ed isn't always possible because a lot of parents can't be at home with their child or organise a supervisor. I think this is a shame, because it has made such a difference to us. But that's life, unfortunately. That's why I'd like to see more Special Education autism classes set up. There is a huge need. difficult child 3 has changed immensely, for the better. He's an amazing kid. He was slow to talk, he didn't respond to his own name as a toddler and he just didn't understand for a long time. He was still partly non-verbal when he started school even though he had been reading since before he was 2. Socially the gulf between him and his classmates grew wider. At school he was getting angrier, wilder, more violent. Since leaving - he's improved socially. His language now - superior. His test scores are all high, he's won awards for his schoolwork and he now is a self-starter with his learning. He's far from perfect, but so wonderfully improved that when people meet him casually very few know or even suspect there is any problem. He knows about his autism and sees it (now) as an integral part of his make-up. It is part of who he is and although it can be a drawback at times, it also brings talents and gifts which he wouldn't be without. Sorry to hear about the ex problems. What a jerk. And surely his 'achievements' with GFG14 can't recommend his parenting? Your son has self-esteem problems, you say. Chances are it goes way beyond self-esteem to anxiety and depression? If his problems extend to anxiety and/or school avoidance, then you have grounds to justify Dist Ed. Dept of Ed don't like Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids taking this option because the attitude seems to be that if a kid has poor social skills, then throwing them into mainstream is what they need. In fact, it is the worst thing to shove them into mainstream. They can't pick up social skills by osmosis. If anything, they learn very bad habits socially because the examples there are so bad. You said, "12 year has been told repeatedly that if there is any trouble or boys picking on him to go to the office and just sit if he wants and not to fight back." - He is not going to be able to follow through with this because of his impulsivity and because there is only one of him, and quite a number of other kids all organised into a group trying to use your son as their entertainment source. For him to be always punished for the school's failure to keep him safe - I get so angry with this response from schools. Marg [/QUOTE]
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