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Newly Diagnosed and Freaking Out
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 288270" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Sorry. I had a long post and lost it. So this may not seem as well thought out.</p><p></p><p>First, WELCOME!!! Great bigs hugs of welcome!!! You are truly at a place with other parents who have actually gone through similar things!</p><p></p><p>My son was also very violent for many years. He tried suicide at 6 and 7. Then moved to various attempts on Jessie's life. She is almost 4 years younger and was teh target of most of his aggression. Our son thank you is 4 years younger than Jess and was rarely the target of the violence. He was a boy. That is all teh explanation we have.</p><p></p><p>Wiz was sent to a long term psychiatric hospital less than a week after I found him trying to kill Jessie int he middle of the night. He was on medications, we didn't let him be in the same room with her without an adult. The CAT actually woke me up and lead me into Jessie's room. She wasn't crying out because it wasn't new. And be/c Wiz told Jess that if she made any noise he would kill thank you. In gruesome ways. Wiz was 12 then, in 6th grade. </p><p></p><p>I went and got alarms to put on doors so he couldn't get out of his room at night, or into her room. During the day Jessie had to wear a personal alarm on a lanyard around her neck. It was horrible. </p><p></p><p>The psychiatric hospital wanted to send him home 6 weeks later because he didn't do any acting out while he was there. I got mad. And cried. And brainstormed here. I decided to go to a therapy session and push all his buttons until he exploded and let it all out. It worked. So much came gushing out, it was terrifying. It also broke my heart. Mostly for Jessie at that point. </p><p></p><p>At least we then knew why she was having panic attacks and severe anxiety problems. </p><p></p><p>They were able to help us. Wiz now lives with my parents about 15 minutes away from us. He came back home for about 18mos. Then he started attacking me and I had the sheriff remove him. Refused flat out to let him live here. I had to go in front of a judge and tell him all of what went on.</p><p></p><p>My parents were able to get through. He is now what I consider a success story. But he may always need some kind of help.</p><p></p><p>You have 2 medically fragile children. Get him out of the house. NOW. Make calls TODAY. Tell Child Services (whatever they are called there), the psychiatrist (psychiatrist), the therapist (therapist), and the pediatrician and specialists who care for the other children. </p><p></p><p>You may NEED the help of the other children's doctors to find a placement. It isn't easy. But start calling. If you have health insurance, call the behavioral services or mental health number and tell them the situation. Beg if you have to. You won't meet those people anyway! Just get every name of every person you talk to , even if tehy just transfer your call. Take notes on a pad of paper and keep track of them. Every person who refuses you help can later be held accountable.</p><p></p><p>I am scared for you. I know you know it is terribly dangerous. Make the calls. It is sad, but you may have to threaten to go back on his adoption. Check your adoption agreement. It may have provisions for what to do if you need this kind of care. </p><p></p><p>You are a very very special woman to open your home and heart to these children. I know you have done all you can for them. I know you love ALL of them with every part of your being. You are their "real" mom. But sadly the 13yo is just not capable of living within a family setting safely. Physical violence is the FIRST concern.</p><p></p><p>Consider how he will feel in 10 or however many years when he is able to really know how he hurt his siblings. If he inflicts serious pain or lasting damage, what will the guilt do to HIM? How will that affect his life?? Will he be suicidal at the thought that he hurt someone who loved him so much?</p><p></p><p>I know he may never be able to reach that level of functioning. But he MIGHT. It is no service to him to leave him open to that crippling guilt.</p><p></p><p>Wiz, my difficult child, still takes my hand and ever so gently rubs it. Or heats a rice bag (rice in a sock or cloth bag that is microwaved for heat therapy) and gently places it on my hand. My son, who does NOT kiss except on incredibly rare occasions, will kiss my injured hand. Before he went into the psychiatric hospital, he bent my left hand in such painful ways that it created nerve damage. Permanent nerve damage. </p><p></p><p>So you have my opinions. I hope you find up as welcoming and supportive and soothing and friendly as I did. The various areas of the site have SOOOO much knowledge it is incredible. If you can't find something, ask someone.</p><p></p><p>{{{{{{{{{{HUGS!!}}}}}}}}}}</p><p></p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 288270, member: 1233"] Sorry. I had a long post and lost it. So this may not seem as well thought out. First, WELCOME!!! Great bigs hugs of welcome!!! You are truly at a place with other parents who have actually gone through similar things! My son was also very violent for many years. He tried suicide at 6 and 7. Then moved to various attempts on Jessie's life. She is almost 4 years younger and was teh target of most of his aggression. Our son thank you is 4 years younger than Jess and was rarely the target of the violence. He was a boy. That is all teh explanation we have. Wiz was sent to a long term psychiatric hospital less than a week after I found him trying to kill Jessie int he middle of the night. He was on medications, we didn't let him be in the same room with her without an adult. The CAT actually woke me up and lead me into Jessie's room. She wasn't crying out because it wasn't new. And be/c Wiz told Jess that if she made any noise he would kill thank you. In gruesome ways. Wiz was 12 then, in 6th grade. I went and got alarms to put on doors so he couldn't get out of his room at night, or into her room. During the day Jessie had to wear a personal alarm on a lanyard around her neck. It was horrible. The psychiatric hospital wanted to send him home 6 weeks later because he didn't do any acting out while he was there. I got mad. And cried. And brainstormed here. I decided to go to a therapy session and push all his buttons until he exploded and let it all out. It worked. So much came gushing out, it was terrifying. It also broke my heart. Mostly for Jessie at that point. At least we then knew why she was having panic attacks and severe anxiety problems. They were able to help us. Wiz now lives with my parents about 15 minutes away from us. He came back home for about 18mos. Then he started attacking me and I had the sheriff remove him. Refused flat out to let him live here. I had to go in front of a judge and tell him all of what went on. My parents were able to get through. He is now what I consider a success story. But he may always need some kind of help. You have 2 medically fragile children. Get him out of the house. NOW. Make calls TODAY. Tell Child Services (whatever they are called there), the psychiatrist (psychiatrist), the therapist (therapist), and the pediatrician and specialists who care for the other children. You may NEED the help of the other children's doctors to find a placement. It isn't easy. But start calling. If you have health insurance, call the behavioral services or mental health number and tell them the situation. Beg if you have to. You won't meet those people anyway! Just get every name of every person you talk to , even if tehy just transfer your call. Take notes on a pad of paper and keep track of them. Every person who refuses you help can later be held accountable. I am scared for you. I know you know it is terribly dangerous. Make the calls. It is sad, but you may have to threaten to go back on his adoption. Check your adoption agreement. It may have provisions for what to do if you need this kind of care. You are a very very special woman to open your home and heart to these children. I know you have done all you can for them. I know you love ALL of them with every part of your being. You are their "real" mom. But sadly the 13yo is just not capable of living within a family setting safely. Physical violence is the FIRST concern. Consider how he will feel in 10 or however many years when he is able to really know how he hurt his siblings. If he inflicts serious pain or lasting damage, what will the guilt do to HIM? How will that affect his life?? Will he be suicidal at the thought that he hurt someone who loved him so much? I know he may never be able to reach that level of functioning. But he MIGHT. It is no service to him to leave him open to that crippling guilt. Wiz, my difficult child, still takes my hand and ever so gently rubs it. Or heats a rice bag (rice in a sock or cloth bag that is microwaved for heat therapy) and gently places it on my hand. My son, who does NOT kiss except on incredibly rare occasions, will kiss my injured hand. Before he went into the psychiatric hospital, he bent my left hand in such painful ways that it created nerve damage. Permanent nerve damage. So you have my opinions. I hope you find up as welcoming and supportive and soothing and friendly as I did. The various areas of the site have SOOOO much knowledge it is incredible. If you can't find something, ask someone. {{{{{{{{{{HUGS!!}}}}}}}}}} Susie [/QUOTE]
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