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Newlywed son and his wife having problems, want me to help
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687322" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Origami</p><p></p><p>Each of them has voiced that they are looking to call it quits. Your son did so in no uncertain terms. I think I read that she has told you she is thinking of returning to her father and getting on with her life. I would call them on it. I would sit them down and help them finalize this. I would not allow my son and any wife to continue in my home if there was abuse and unresolved conflict, where each has expressed a desire to end it. I do not think this is meddling or enabling. I think it is responsible. </p><p></p><p>At the same time, I agree with everybody else that there is no place for you to help out in their relationship. I see what I suggested above is taking control of your household, and taking responsibility for a situation in your household which has gotten out of control. If somebody got messy drunk you would take control. Why not here?</p><p></p><p>Your son sounds like he is acting the jerk; the young woman got herself in a mess; what really is there to save, unless your son decides to do some pivot and nothing you have written indicates this is the case.This is true but in my mother's generation this was how it was done by most couples, who too, married at 19 or so, and learned the hard way. What has changed? I do not know.</p><p></p><p>Your son is acting abusive.</p><p></p><p></p><p> Under your roof this has got to stop. If she will not stop it and he will not, I believe it is your responsibility to do so. Who could advocate that she stay and work it out? I could not. If your son is done, what is there more to say or do? Has he not decided for both of them?</p><p>The thing is--they are in your house. You know he is treating her badly. I do not see how you can stay completely out of it because to do that would be enabling your son to treat his wife badly <em>under your roof.</em></p><p></p><p>I think what I might do if it were me is to sit them down and to tell them that decisions must be made, regardless of feelings, and who is right and who is wrong. That you will not allow this to go on <em>in your house</em>. I think you have to take a stand for the girl. While she is under your roof, you owe her that. That is what I think.</p><p>I agree.</p><p></p><p>And any reconciliation, if there is one, needs to be under their own roof.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687322, member: 18958"] Hi Origami Each of them has voiced that they are looking to call it quits. Your son did so in no uncertain terms. I think I read that she has told you she is thinking of returning to her father and getting on with her life. I would call them on it. I would sit them down and help them finalize this. I would not allow my son and any wife to continue in my home if there was abuse and unresolved conflict, where each has expressed a desire to end it. I do not think this is meddling or enabling. I think it is responsible. At the same time, I agree with everybody else that there is no place for you to help out in their relationship. I see what I suggested above is taking control of your household, and taking responsibility for a situation in your household which has gotten out of control. If somebody got messy drunk you would take control. Why not here? Your son sounds like he is acting the jerk; the young woman got herself in a mess; what really is there to save, unless your son decides to do some pivot and nothing you have written indicates this is the case.This is true but in my mother's generation this was how it was done by most couples, who too, married at 19 or so, and learned the hard way. What has changed? I do not know. Your son is acting abusive. Under your roof this has got to stop. If she will not stop it and he will not, I believe it is your responsibility to do so. Who could advocate that she stay and work it out? I could not. If your son is done, what is there more to say or do? Has he not decided for both of them? The thing is--they are in your house. You know he is treating her badly. I do not see how you can stay completely out of it because to do that would be enabling your son to treat his wife badly [I]under your roof.[/I] I think what I might do if it were me is to sit them down and to tell them that decisions must be made, regardless of feelings, and who is right and who is wrong. That you will not allow this to go on [I]in your house[/I]. I think you have to take a stand for the girl. While she is under your roof, you owe her that. That is what I think. I agree. And any reconciliation, if there is one, needs to be under their own roof. [/QUOTE]
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