Nightmare--An Update from DaisyFace

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Jun 2, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Sorry, this is long....

    My daughter was discharged from psychiatric hospital yesterday and sent home with an appointment for follow-up care with the same psychiatrist that "cured" her of lying by asking her to promise not to do it again.

    husband and I begged for a referral for more treatment. We had even put our request in writing....but to no avail.

    It turns out that difficult child was discharged more for insurance purposes than anything else. She was at psychiatric hospital for ten days....the maximum allowed by Medicaid.

    The psychiatric hospital is about a an hour's drive from our home. On our way to pick her up yesterday, she was "inappropriate" with another patient (again!!) and was confined to her room. This time, instead of just hiding under a desk and refusing to eat, she locked herself in the bathroom and went into a full-blown rage. Screaming, growling, kicking and beating on the doors and walls of the bathroom.

    They were just about to have the orderlies move her to the "Safe Room"--when lucky for them, we arrived to take her home. Isn't it wonderful? We were able to spare them from having to deal with this violent and out-of-control child.

    The nurse that saw difficult child's rampage asked us why we hadn't requested that she be "placed" anywhere.

    husband and I were flabbergasted. We've been begging for a referral somewhere!!

    "O" said the nurse. "We don't do 'referrals'--we only do 'placements'."

    So we were not able to get difficult child any more help, apparantly because we used the wrong word. We asked for a referral to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). But because we did not ask for a placement at Residential Treatment Center (RTC)--we are out of luck.

    So difficult child is home and is angrier than ever. Her medications are the same. She is supposed to start seeing the useless psychiatrist again. Nothing at home has changed....

    However, the SW who arranged the appointment with useless psychiatrist assures us that everything is different now. difficult child has everything under control. She is going to be a "new person".

    I accused the SW of sending my child home with a "white knuckle" treatment plan. "Hold yourself together--or else!!" Naturally, the SW does not see it that way...

    So we laid down the rules last night for difficult child. No running off, hands off your brother, no threats--we will call the police.

    difficult child is already making excuses "Well, if I just go to my friend's house...."

    And difficult child has made it clear that she does not want to be asked to do any chores or be interrupted when she is "busy", because that's what makes her so mad about living with us.

    And so we are stuck in this "holding pattern" until the next horrible thing happens....

    And then I will be sure to use the correct vocabulary word....

    God help us all!!

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Unfortunately, I read several things in this that are not uncommon and are exxactly what I experienced with my son and the other people involved. The psychiatric hospital here does not do referrals either, in the sense of a referral like the insurance company or legal system would consider. However, they will sometimes write a letter stating that they believe a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would be the most beneficial for the kid. You might want to call your pijnt of contact at the psychiatric hospital- the social worker or case worker- and see if they will do that. A letter should help you get someone to do a referral. I say should- it didn't help us but it does give documentation that can be useful.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I was hoping you'd get more help for her, too. I'm so sorry.

    Placement vs referral...sheesh. Did you ask for that nurse's number so she can guide you the next time you need placement instead of referral?

    (shaking head)
  4. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I'm so angry for you that I don't even know how to respond.

    Our mental health system is a joke. They can put men on an other planet but they can't even teach the "professionals" how to communicate effectively with families. When difficult child 2 was in hospital adolescent psychiatric. ward I got a call to "attend a family meeting". It turned out to be his discharge. They sent me home, unprepared, with a very volatile, big boy. I had a break down behind the wheel in front of my emotionally fragile son. I'll never forgive the insurance industry.
  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I am sorry she's being released. I hope that something happens soon that will allow you to have her hospitalized again so that you can ask for PLACEMENT -- can't believe that one! Is there a time limit for repeat hospitalizations?
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You might also check around for Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, contact and visit and pick one out, then ask their admissions people how to get your daughter in. They can be pretty helpful sometimes.
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    The very next time she is violent, call 911 for transport. Refuse to take her home from the hospital.
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip



    I'm learning a lot from everyone here. My own life, too, but seeing what everyone else goes through makes me know I'm not alone.

    You're not either. I wish they had been more helpful. Do they really think telling the kid to hold it together will HELP?

    Hospitals are run just like the government... Sigh.
  9. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. The stupid bleeping terminology. It is enough to drive ya crazy. Make sure you call 911 if she becomes violent.
  10. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    Oy vey! been there done that way too many times. It is so frustrating, scary and depressing. You almost need to have someone in the 'know' to figure out the right things to say to get the help that your child needs. It should not be this way, I hate it!

    Hugs and prayers that things will improve without that next big thing happening!

  11. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    Just curious, is your daughter attending public school with-a 504 plan or IEP? My two older kids have been hospitalized a total of ten times and they have always had a letter faxed to the school district stating what their diagnosis is and the psychiatric hospital's recommendations for the most appropriate classroom placement. the last one for difficult child 2 strongly recommended that he be placed in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    As far as parsing the words, I wish I could say I'm shocked, but I'm not. Nothing the hospitals, insurance companies and school districts do would shock me anymore.

    If she goes nuts, trashes the house, gets violent, I would call 911 and ask for her to be transported to the nearest emergency room for a psychiatric evaluation. Let them help you with a placement to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). In the meantime, I would go online and google "Residential Treatment Centers" in your state. I actually found a comprehensive listing of Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s approved by the state of Connecticut, where I live, and a listing of out of state facilities they recognize (meaning the state would place the child and pay for it). I had never heard of any of these places. See if there is a website for each Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and check it out.

    Hugs. I have been there with-my difficult child 2 and made the mistake of driving him home from his first hospitalization and not turning around and taking him back tothe same place when he started punching me and calling me names in the car when we were not ten minutes away. He ended up going back tothe same facility two days later, after he attempted to harm himself and we had to call 911.
  12. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    thought just occured to me: in your state, is there an advocate for patients or advocate for children's rights? Sometimes you can get a free advocate assigned to you who will help you navigate around the bureaucracy. We had one once for the educational issues for difficult child 2 and she was wonderful! totally simpatico to us and attended every meeting, made sure we got help we were entitled to. I would never have known about the resources available without her. Advocates are esp. helpful when it comes time for transitions: hospital. to home or step-down, etc., making sure nothing is overlooked.

    You might go to your state's Insurance Commission website, or google "children's advocates" for your state, or the website for your state's child protective services, and see what is there.
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending a warm hug your way. I, too, think it makes sense to locate one or two appropriate facilities and then ask those people to outline the steps and verbage that are needed for admission. I'm so sorry you all are having to go thru this frustration......most of all, how horrible it must be for your difficult child to be so out of control and not having any professional step up to the plate and say "I'm here to help you. It will get better." DDD
  14. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member


    That is so aggravating. Where is the common sense?! Watching difficult child rage like that, and then sending her home instead of saying, "Her problems seem to be worse than we initially thought. We'd better continue to observe her"?! Ignoring your pleas for help because you used the wrong word?! It is all very crazy-making. :mad:

    I wish I had a good solution for you, but this is outside of my experience. I can offer gentle hugs, though. I'm sure you need them today. (((())))
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Daisy,
    Hugs to you and your husband. I'm sorry they discharged before she was ready to be home and hope that you are able to get her the help she needs. It sure shouldn't have to be like this.
  16. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Daisy.
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. It is so hard to know that your child needs help, that your whole family needs it and the help cannot be had because someone forgot to tell you the vocabulary that is needed.

    FWIW, often if you have to return to a hospital within a certain # of days from discharge for the problems you were in the hospital for, you can get out of paying the copays for the stay. Do a double check on your insurance for htis. As high as copays can be this helped us. It can apply to medical and psychiatric admits, depending on your policy.

    I would take her back by calling for transport the moment she starts raging or being violent. You already know she isn't going to control herself.

    Make sure you do NOT walk on eggshells around her. Give her chores, cut her privileges, whatever will work that is within the normal boundaries for your family.

    I think your goal, for HER sake, needs to be to get her admitted again soon. You know that she is hurting. No one truly wants to drive everyone away from them. It goes against our very biology.

    Make sure, when you admit her, that they know you want a placement. NOT just a release with a psychiatrist appointment scheduled. If they try to discharge her to you, refuse to take her. Insist that the family is not SAFE if she comes home, that SHE is not safe.

    I am sorry, I know how hard your situation is.

  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I had another thought on this. You need to check with others in your state, but here's what I found in mine- I had always wanted difficult child in a private psychiatric hospital, meaning I was using private insurance to cover it. When the detention center determined that he needed to be in a psychiatric hospital, they were required to send him to the state psychiatric hospital. The state psychiatric hospital can keep the kid longer and they have a little more pull with getting local assistance sometimes (although not in our case). My point is that you might want to consider the state psychiatric hospital- they don't discharge a kid when the insurance amount of time or money is up. Also, private phosps here don't have schools so if the kid stays in longer than 10 days, it requires a change in placement. Our state psychiatric hospital had a school so this was no big deal- it did not require a homebound teacher going to a psychiatric hospital. Believe it or not, these things play into how long a kid stays in a psychiatric hospital sometimes because they don't like dealing with angry schools and insurance companies refusing to pay.

    Unfortunately, all our state phosps for children/adolescents are closing.
  19. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thanks so much for all the support--

    This whole thing has been like a visit to the Twilight Zone.

    We ended up calling all kinds of groups in my area, everything from Parent Support Groups to Domestic Violence Centers. From all of them, we heard about the same thing: our only resource is to wait until the next "bad thing" happens....and then we will need to appeal for placement with a state run agency.

    So we have done the following:

    1) We had a family meeting with difficult child and laid down the rules. No running away from home; Hands off your brother; No threats of any kind. Any violation of the rules will result in a call to the police.

    2) husband and I signed up for a "Parenting" class run by the Dept of Juvenile Justice that aims to help parents deal with out-of-control kids.

    3) We helped difficult child set a few goals to accomplish this summer and helped her create a schedule for accomplishing those goals. For example, she enjoys needlecrafts and one of the goals she chose was to complete a scarf. On her schedule, she has set aside some time each day to work on it.

    4) We are going to make sure that difficult child gets to all of the appts with therapist and useless psychiatrist....and we are going to HARASS them for any and all services they can possibly wrangle for us.

    I think, under the circumstances, it's the best we can do for now. If anyone else has any more ideas for resources that we have not tried....please let us know.