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No bravado - he did use
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 348232" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Steely, I hear what you're saying. I don't necessarily disagree with you. At the end of the day, we have to do what we can live with. </p><p></p><p>None of us can predict Matt's success. Maybe he will be the exception to the rule and do far better in his own place, out of a program, without having to go thru the ... what's the word? Trials? Disappointments? Hard times? Something along those lines - anyway, maybe he won't have to get to some of the really dark places that some of our kids have gone to (or are there now) in order to figure out how to lead his life. </p><p></p><p>If you choose to put Matt up in an apartment, you need to really prepare yourself for all possibilities. Those logical consequences of no food, no electricity, etc, can come really fast. Will you step in? For how long? Will you sign him up for public aid, food stamps, services, or will that be his responsibility? And what will you do if he doesn't take care of it?</p><p></p><p>I agree that continuing in a program where he's completely uninvested is pretty much pointless from a treatment standpoint. However, the big positive is that he is at least connected to some place, and there's some degree of supervision. Don't discount the peace of mind you get from that security. Just speaking from my little corner of Hades, though, you need to prepare yourself for the fact that he may continue to appear uninvested in his life even outside a program. I say "appear" because... you take a kid with no education, no life skills, an inability to make realistic plans and goals and then follow thru, and you may get a kid who spins his wheels a *lot*, makes bad decision after bad decision, and leads a really marginal life. With my kid, there's a total disconnect in the ability to get from point A to point B. I think he *wants* to succeed, but only on his terms which by definition makes it impossible because "his terms" are completely off the radar. </p><p></p><p>There isn't a right answer here. There's just a lot of folks who have been, or are, where you're at. Heaven knows, husband and I have toyed with all kinds of possibilities, not least of which was buying a house down the road and putting him up there, with no expectations except it had to be drug free. Who knows... we may end up doing that someday (hope the housing market doesn't pick up, LOL).</p><p></p><p>In my heart of hearts, I think for our more oppositional kids the only way they are ever going to have a chance to get with- the program in terms of living their lives is after they get the full force of logical consequences for their choices, without our interference. My kid had *ample* opportunity to get an education, get supported employment and living situations, get supports period. He chose not to. He's making a goofy attempt at improving his life right now, not an attempt I think will succeed, but at least he's doing something (which is saying a lot) and I will admit that I am offering support to him right now, albeit on an extremely limited basis. But his life hoovers majorly and it breaks my heart. His choice.</p><p></p><p>Do what you need to do, Steely, for yourself, for your own peace of mind.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 348232, member: 8"] Steely, I hear what you're saying. I don't necessarily disagree with you. At the end of the day, we have to do what we can live with. None of us can predict Matt's success. Maybe he will be the exception to the rule and do far better in his own place, out of a program, without having to go thru the ... what's the word? Trials? Disappointments? Hard times? Something along those lines - anyway, maybe he won't have to get to some of the really dark places that some of our kids have gone to (or are there now) in order to figure out how to lead his life. If you choose to put Matt up in an apartment, you need to really prepare yourself for all possibilities. Those logical consequences of no food, no electricity, etc, can come really fast. Will you step in? For how long? Will you sign him up for public aid, food stamps, services, or will that be his responsibility? And what will you do if he doesn't take care of it? I agree that continuing in a program where he's completely uninvested is pretty much pointless from a treatment standpoint. However, the big positive is that he is at least connected to some place, and there's some degree of supervision. Don't discount the peace of mind you get from that security. Just speaking from my little corner of Hades, though, you need to prepare yourself for the fact that he may continue to appear uninvested in his life even outside a program. I say "appear" because... you take a kid with no education, no life skills, an inability to make realistic plans and goals and then follow thru, and you may get a kid who spins his wheels a *lot*, makes bad decision after bad decision, and leads a really marginal life. With my kid, there's a total disconnect in the ability to get from point A to point B. I think he *wants* to succeed, but only on his terms which by definition makes it impossible because "his terms" are completely off the radar. There isn't a right answer here. There's just a lot of folks who have been, or are, where you're at. Heaven knows, husband and I have toyed with all kinds of possibilities, not least of which was buying a house down the road and putting him up there, with no expectations except it had to be drug free. Who knows... we may end up doing that someday (hope the housing market doesn't pick up, LOL). In my heart of hearts, I think for our more oppositional kids the only way they are ever going to have a chance to get with- the program in terms of living their lives is after they get the full force of logical consequences for their choices, without our interference. My kid had *ample* opportunity to get an education, get supported employment and living situations, get supports period. He chose not to. He's making a goofy attempt at improving his life right now, not an attempt I think will succeed, but at least he's doing something (which is saying a lot) and I will admit that I am offering support to him right now, albeit on an extremely limited basis. But his life hoovers majorly and it breaks my heart. His choice. Do what you need to do, Steely, for yourself, for your own peace of mind. [/QUOTE]
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