Struggling
New Member
Hello everyone. I came upon this site through a Google search and am desperately hoping that someone has some answers, at the very least, I would welcome the knowledge that our situation is not unique and others can empathize to some degree. I have raised two daughters with little mishap and they are now grown and on their own doing very well.
My difficult child is eight years old, soon to be nine and has been with me on and off since birth. He is the youngest of three children born to my youngest sister. Three different father's, she has neither the interest, nor the desire to raise any of them. Her eldest child was adopted by my Mother & Stepfather when they discovered that she had gone out drinking for five hours and left him unattended in her apartment, thinking that he was an infant and what harm would come to him in his crib? He is bi-polar, as is my sister, has ADHD, and explosive disorder. I'm sure the rest of the list is quite lengthy as well, what I do know is that at ten years old, he cusses profusely, hits and throws things at my Mother, has threatened to slit her throat and has hidden knives in his room. When I discovered the latter, I called the authorities myself and he was removed from my parents home and placed in a facility for re-evaluation for over a month. He now resides back with my parents and his behaviors continue to escalate.
My sister's middle son lives with his Father & Stepmother and has ADHD along with developmental problems.
My difficult child stole my heart at birth. He has asthma & allergies and has been diagnosed with ADHD within the past year when I was called to the school because the teacher's had run out of ideas to deal with his inattentiveness, disruptiveness and impulsiveness. We made an appointment to see his pediatrician and medication was prescribed. To date, we are on the third and forth medication with little success.
My difficult child has lost all of his belongings, a suggestion by both the school and counselors that there be consequences for his behaviors. He has been told repeatedly, that he may potentially earn every item back, if he simply behaves and masters some self control. Instead, his behaviors continue to decline. He has begun to lie and this morning my SO and I, discovered that my son has been getting up in the middle of the night, sneaking into the attic and playing with collectible items, notably off limits and been consuming large quantities of desserts after we are asleep. Last night, he consumed 6 ice cream sandwiches, 2 italian ice, bit into a cannoli, wiped out nearly all of the pickles & strawberries, some coffee ice cream and nearly a pound of chocalate cookies. He also helped himself to a cigar, which gratefully, he didn't light...but he had chewed on the end and then replaced it into the pack. When confronted, my son confessed that he has been doing this since he was still attending school. This time, he left enough evidence to get caught and I am left wondering if this was his intent all along?
My son & I moved to another state within the past year, so I know there were alot of adjustments to be made, along with the knowledge that my attention was now divided between him & my SO.
The other important factor to mention here, is that periodically my sister (sons birth mother), decides to try to make waves and take him back. Not because she wants him...but, merely because she can. Over the years, she would simply send the police to collect him. The last time she asked me to take him, I insisted she sign a petition for adoption, which she did with no emotion whatsoever. He has been with me for nearly four consecutive years now.
Recently, while searching for a counselor and because I had moved to another state (even with my sisters knowledge) but without final proof of adoption...I was investigated for potential kidnapping. DCYF sent a representative to do an intake and asess the situation and determined that my son is safe and everything is being done in his best interest. During this time, I notified my Mother & sister, requesting that they appear in court on my behalf if necessary. My sister, at first agreeable, has once again decided to flaunt her presumed authority and has threatened to try to pursue a kidnapping charge. I am not really worried in that respect, what I am concerned with is my son's welfare.
I love this little boy with all of my heart and my SO and I have done everything in our power to try to convey that, but my son's behavior continues to escalate and I simply don't know what to do anymore. Sending him to my sister would be disastrous...he wouldn't survive and I brought him into my life to assist him in having the best chance possible. He is a bright, intelligent & inquisitive child and deserves the best life has to offer. But somehow, I feel as if I'm failing him miserably. Common sense tells me, this is not my fault, but it does my heart little good to hear this.
I'm missing something and I don't know what. Although DCYF stayed involved to assist until the adoption is finalized, the counselors refuse to treat him until all legalities are final. So now what? My sister abandoned my son, at first I thought this was a test to ensure that I wouldn't...but now, I just don't know what to think. I love him...but how do I help him? Any advice at this point, would be very greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for listening. God Bless.
My difficult child is eight years old, soon to be nine and has been with me on and off since birth. He is the youngest of three children born to my youngest sister. Three different father's, she has neither the interest, nor the desire to raise any of them. Her eldest child was adopted by my Mother & Stepfather when they discovered that she had gone out drinking for five hours and left him unattended in her apartment, thinking that he was an infant and what harm would come to him in his crib? He is bi-polar, as is my sister, has ADHD, and explosive disorder. I'm sure the rest of the list is quite lengthy as well, what I do know is that at ten years old, he cusses profusely, hits and throws things at my Mother, has threatened to slit her throat and has hidden knives in his room. When I discovered the latter, I called the authorities myself and he was removed from my parents home and placed in a facility for re-evaluation for over a month. He now resides back with my parents and his behaviors continue to escalate.
My sister's middle son lives with his Father & Stepmother and has ADHD along with developmental problems.
My difficult child stole my heart at birth. He has asthma & allergies and has been diagnosed with ADHD within the past year when I was called to the school because the teacher's had run out of ideas to deal with his inattentiveness, disruptiveness and impulsiveness. We made an appointment to see his pediatrician and medication was prescribed. To date, we are on the third and forth medication with little success.
My difficult child has lost all of his belongings, a suggestion by both the school and counselors that there be consequences for his behaviors. He has been told repeatedly, that he may potentially earn every item back, if he simply behaves and masters some self control. Instead, his behaviors continue to decline. He has begun to lie and this morning my SO and I, discovered that my son has been getting up in the middle of the night, sneaking into the attic and playing with collectible items, notably off limits and been consuming large quantities of desserts after we are asleep. Last night, he consumed 6 ice cream sandwiches, 2 italian ice, bit into a cannoli, wiped out nearly all of the pickles & strawberries, some coffee ice cream and nearly a pound of chocalate cookies. He also helped himself to a cigar, which gratefully, he didn't light...but he had chewed on the end and then replaced it into the pack. When confronted, my son confessed that he has been doing this since he was still attending school. This time, he left enough evidence to get caught and I am left wondering if this was his intent all along?
My son & I moved to another state within the past year, so I know there were alot of adjustments to be made, along with the knowledge that my attention was now divided between him & my SO.
The other important factor to mention here, is that periodically my sister (sons birth mother), decides to try to make waves and take him back. Not because she wants him...but, merely because she can. Over the years, she would simply send the police to collect him. The last time she asked me to take him, I insisted she sign a petition for adoption, which she did with no emotion whatsoever. He has been with me for nearly four consecutive years now.
Recently, while searching for a counselor and because I had moved to another state (even with my sisters knowledge) but without final proof of adoption...I was investigated for potential kidnapping. DCYF sent a representative to do an intake and asess the situation and determined that my son is safe and everything is being done in his best interest. During this time, I notified my Mother & sister, requesting that they appear in court on my behalf if necessary. My sister, at first agreeable, has once again decided to flaunt her presumed authority and has threatened to try to pursue a kidnapping charge. I am not really worried in that respect, what I am concerned with is my son's welfare.
I love this little boy with all of my heart and my SO and I have done everything in our power to try to convey that, but my son's behavior continues to escalate and I simply don't know what to do anymore. Sending him to my sister would be disastrous...he wouldn't survive and I brought him into my life to assist him in having the best chance possible. He is a bright, intelligent & inquisitive child and deserves the best life has to offer. But somehow, I feel as if I'm failing him miserably. Common sense tells me, this is not my fault, but it does my heart little good to hear this.
I'm missing something and I don't know what. Although DCYF stayed involved to assist until the adoption is finalized, the counselors refuse to treat him until all legalities are final. So now what? My sister abandoned my son, at first I thought this was a test to ensure that I wouldn't...but now, I just don't know what to think. I love him...but how do I help him? Any advice at this point, would be very greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for listening. God Bless.
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