No improvement...

He sounds very much like he could be on the spectrum. Limited interests, and many times they are videogames and/or movies, are big symptoms as is preferring to be alone rather than with peers. It is all just part of the spectrum, if he is on it. Sometimes spectrum kids have a useful obsession, such as electronics and taking apart things and putting them back together again, and more often it is videogames and television since they lack imagination and need outside stimuli to amuse themselves. My son watches the same movies over and over again. He has memorized them. He seems to like this sameness. I do too. I am mildly on the spectrum and have a severe non verbal learning disability, which is spectrum behavior as well. New diagnosis. for me. They didn't have them when I was young.

Oh, yes, my son!

My son who is on the spectrum is a videogame/movie freak (so stereotyical) yet he has a job and is doing well, albeit with minimal supports from outside. I accept his disorder because he can't help it and he is very happy and not at all rebellious. Everyone loves him. He is who he is.

I have no idea if this is Pat's problem. If it is, don't expect him to dive into a lot of interests, have a lot of friends (he will prefer to be alone probably) or, if he feels stress, substance abuse is common. And spectrum kids experience far more stress from far more issues than neuro-typical young adults and children. I know. I am close to being on the spectrum myself and have my own obsessions and it's a miracle I haven't abused drugs. Along with this, comes very common co-morbids such as depression, rebellion to authority (they don't get how social rules) and phobias, generalized anxiety disorder, and panic disorder.

If he is on the spectrum, and again I don't know if he is, he would have needed early intervention to be able to be at his best, although some Aspies learn to do it better on their own (some can't). He can still get interventions. Something about him screams to me that he is not neurotypical and is not going to adapt to your standards as to what is important through no fault of his own. Does he also have alcohol affects? That makes it even worse. My son Sonic was tested positive for crack as an infant. Obviously, heh, if his birthmother didn't say "no" to crack, she did not say "no, sorry, can't have a drink. I'm pregnant!" It is not my son's fault that his birthmother abused drugs and alcohol and made him ingest these things while he was trying to safely grow in her womb. If this applies to Pat, it is not his fault either. And,yes, it makes them different and we need to accept them as they were born. We didn't cause it, but we are raising them and want them to feel good about who they are.

I deeply apologize if I'm off base here. You know I think you are a great mother. Many people are great parents to neurotypicals, but are puzzled and put off by those children we either adopt or become steps to when they are not like we are. Sometimes the changed thinking has to come from us. Again, apologize profusely if I am out of line. These are just my thoughts and you may disregard them all, if they don't fit. "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit!" (Johnny Cochran) ;)
Yes! You described my son and his friends!
 

TeDo

CD Hall of Fame
AnnieO, you know I have one of those kids. He's just like Pat. Physically, DC1 hit puberty a couple years ago but psychologically, he's there now. A lot of what you've described is 95% of how I would describe DC1. His hygiene has gone downhill, he does NOTHING around the house anymore, he won't even do his laundry, etc. Because he graduates this year and knows he will be on his own soon, I have decided not to pick those battles anymore. He will have to live with the natural consequences with others besides me. I'm tired of being the bad guy. If DC1 wants "special food", he has to find a way to buy it himself because I won't do it for him anymore. He wants clean clothes, he has to wash them because I won't do it for him anymore. I even went out and bought him his own towels, etc because he's going to need them when he leaves home anyway, and told him those were his and ours were ours and he's not allowed to use ours anymore. Just to make it fair, I bought DC2 his own as well. It's to the point that we are 3 "adults" living in the same house but everyone is responsible for their own "adult responsibilities". If they don't, oh well. I have to let go. They need to learn to be on their own now, no matter how much I hate living this way.

Have you talked to Belle about your concerns? Would she be willing to have a brother-sister talk? Could he be feeling "left out" or jealous or whatever because of all the attention Rose is getting now that she's older? I also like a LOT of what IC has said. I really, really don't think Pat is doing this intentionally. He just truly doesn't get it and he doesn't feel like he can talk about it or doesn't have the words to talk about it or ...... There are just SO many alternative reasons. (((HUGS))) my friend!
 
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