No More Guilt and Fear

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nicole A, Aug 3, 2016.

  1. Nicole A

    Nicole A New Member

    I've never admitted this before, but I don't like my child. He is so disrepectful and does nothing but bring all of those around him down. He just turned 14 and does absolutely NOTHING. He won't even take showers or brush his teeth. He cares about nothing except smoking pot and hanging out with friends. He stays out all night and could care less about rules. He has sex, steals, and lies. He has had a very good life and has many people who love him, but no one wants him anymore. He refuses to go to any treatment or counseling. I am a single mother and I don't have any money for private treatment. As of August 1st, he longer has insurance. I don't want any help other than advice on how to remove him. What steps can I take to relinquish all parental rights? I refuse to spend my life looking for ways to help him. Guilt and fear have kept me from actively pursuing having him removed but it's 5am and he isn't home. I don't feel anything but anger so now is the time to act. No fear. No guilt. I cant do this anymore.Suggestions?
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I don't know if I have an advice that will help or not...but here is my take on it.

    Every time he sneaks out or doesn't come home, call the police and report him. In our community, once you make that report, even if he returns home, you have to let the police know, and they come and take him to juvie. They will probably release him to you in a few hours, the first couple of times. Our juvie department will drug test them, a quick test that they get results in 5 minutes. They will tell you if he gets a positive for drugs result.

    Your child may or may not get a court date set up... In our community, the second time it happened, our child had to go to court. She got 6 months of community supervision. Had to see a probation type officer, they set curfews, and when she broke them, she had to do community service, helping prepare meals on wheels.

    Once they have a "record" go to your mental health facility and ask about applying for an SED waiver based on the child's needs. They can qualify for a medical card to get more services and a case manager, counseling, family therapy and group counseling. This will be covered by the SED waiver.

    The case manager will likely meet with the child for an hour a week. Our teen enjoyed the case mgr meetings, they went out for a treat and talked. The case manager becomes a liaison between school and community corrections and you.

    It is better to be proactive than to let things go downhill. Once that happens, the authorities might look back at you as not trying to control your child. Like if he runs away for a couple of days, gets in legal trouble, and then they wonder why you never reported him missing.

    This isn't a quick way to get him out of your home...but, if he gets taken in to custody, and they want to release him back to you, you might consider dragging your saying you don't know that you would be safe (if that is true) or that you are not able to control his behaviors. Then, my understanding is, they would have to keep him until a judge has him in court. That is suppose to happen with in 48 hours ( not including weekends) for the judge to make a decision.

    We took our child home when they wanted to release her. Then it was 6 weeks before we heard there was a court date...and another month for court...

    It helped to have an outside party help enforce rules...

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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    There ate options for you to get him help, but it is unlikely they will remove a minor child right away. You can start by calling CPS and asking for assistance. In the end, if it is unworkable they have the power to remove your son from your house, but they are unlikely to let you completely off the hook. Foster care usually requires the legal parent pay child support.

    Unfortunatrly, life offers us few easy outs. He is your can get help, but the state isnt likely going to just take him off your hands and thats it. You can certainly TRY.

    Your post screams of desperation. I hope you seek help for hourself from county mental health services or pastoral care. These are low cost to free.
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    And on the SED waiver, they can go back and cover the month you applied in... At least that is how it worked for us.

  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You can get free insurance for him through your county or state. Usually you go to the dept of human services. If you are not getting child support, go to the enforcement part of your court system. To relinquish custody is a long process and usually you are charged with abandonment and that can impact your employment and future. It is better to keep reporting him as a runaway and if he threatens yu, report that.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    The rules may have changed, but in California, children were eligible for Medi-Cal if their parents were not married. My daughter was on Medi-Cal for years, even after I'd remarried. The state didn't count my husband's income.

    I would call the police every single time he isn't where he is supposed to be or any time he's violent or threatening. I only had to call on Miss KT once, but I'm glad I did it.