No place to live

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Dec 6, 2010.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child was told by husband that she had to come pick up her clothes Saturday when I would not be here. easy child and I took a weekend shopping trip about 120 miles away. I just could not bear to be here when she picked her stuff up and left. She told husband that she bought a car (she has no money but evidently her girlfriend's boyfriend bought it and she was to pay him back.) Mind you she has no insurance on it. Meanwhile her car which is newer and only has 42,000 miles and the car she bought has 88,000, sits in our drive.

    Saturday at 4 pm she comes home to get her stuff. husband makes her get insurance quotes on line and she is surprised to see she has to pay $480 every six months. husband asks if she is ready for him to drive her to where she's moving and she calls her friend to see if she's home. Oh one little problem, the friend didn't ask her dad yet who owns the house and may have a say in this. Dad says no she can't move in so now she has no place to go. She tells husband that if he lets her stay til Monday she will transfer the car to her name and live in her car (I'm trying not to laugh).

    So now she has no car, no insurnace and no place to go, but all her bags are packed. husband calls me and reports this and we decide to tell her if she can pay to have her car repaired she can have that car. She then has to find a place to live very shortly and in the meantime if she wants to sleep here she has to remain sober and be home at night, otherwise she can sleep in her car. She calls the guy who was going to sell her the car and told him she wasn't going to buy it. No word yet on how that went over.

    easy child and I had a wonderful time shopping. The weekend away did both of us so much good. husband handled difficult child very well and we have all detached a little more.

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hugs, Nancy. I know it's hard - and more than a little surreal - our difficult children don't seem to "get" reality.
  3. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I'm so glad you had a good weekend away, Nancy. It sounds like husband handled Saturday wonderfully.
    Sending support and warm wishes for peace and detachment in the coming days.
  4. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    So good to hear you and easy child had a wonderful time.
  5. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Oh, Nancy, the hits just keep on coming, don't they? Arghhh about difficult child. I so wish she'd figure out that her way is not working. When she was actually working the program, life was so much better - for her and for her family. Unfortunately, addicts/alcoholics don't think in those terms - they only live for the moment.

    I'm glad you and easy child had a fun get away. My M lives right near Easton Mall now ! She and your M should try to get together.

    Mega hugs to you. I know this has to be tugging at your heartstrings, and yet, you'd like to rattle her till her teeth fall out to shake some sense into her. Sigh. It's hard, I know.

  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Deb I thought M lived in Florida. Too bad we didn't know. I love Easton.

    It gets worse. She had been MIA for 3 days. Seems she worked as a stripper for a couple days and said she decided she didn't like it. I don't believe a word she says. She's back home tonight but school district she will find somewhere to live tomorrow but if we would give her back her car she would live in her car. I wasn't aware they had a mobile car lot.

  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest


    I am so sorry she is continuing with her substance use and all the stuff that goes with it. It is so hard on you.... I wonder if she got that at all when she was in treatment, that her actions are so hurtful to you as her mom? Anyway I am hoping she hits bottom soon and will realize and remember there is a better way to live her life. Stay strong and hopefully husband will get on the same page that she really can't live at home if she is using. Have you found a parents alanon meeting? I can't tell you how helpful the one near us has been, I feel very lucky to have found a good meeting that is all parents. It has been a huge relief to me to find other parents who understand and to remind me to go on with my life.
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't believe she's doing this to hurt us, I believe she's doing this because she craves the risk and excitement and has always been hyper sexual. I have gone to every alanon meeting in our area and can't find one that's all parents. I have tried and tried to relate but it only goes so far. I know we aren't suppose to criticise but some of the meetings are more hung up on procedure than substance. I had nightmares all night about her getting beaten up and calling us crying.

    Actually husband and I are on the same page about her not living here. But we are having a huge snowstorm and the temp is in the teens and we couldn't turn her out yesterday. We are both looking for every way to get her out safely but it may end up she will be on the street.