I've been fairly absent lately. difficult child 3 has work experience at his school, which has meant me driving him there (in the centre of Sydney) and I'm wiped out. I have only incoming email access while at the school, I can't even look at any forums. Then when I get home (well after sunset at the moment) it's hit the ground running to get dinner organised at mother in law's where we also have no internet access.
I've taken today off. difficult child 3 has taken himself into school by public transport for the first time ever. He just rang me to let me know he had arrived (early) otherwise I wouldn't be here even now.
I have missed you guys!
I do remember when I first joined the site, feeling resentful at times because other people got more responses than I did. My queries were very specific, were desperate cries for help but were also discussing an education system which is foreign for most of you. It took me some time to realise that sometimes, the questions we ask do not have easy answers and responses with "hugs" or general support, while comforting on one level, can still be very frustrating when you still don't know what to do in your situation.
What I did find from this group - I read other threads, I searched for similar cases and it gave me enough clues to go digging in our own education system. This group gave me the courage to see my child in a different light, to not see him as the source of the problems but perhaps as having problems due to other people's inability to adapt and accommodate his needs as they legally were required to do.
Other reasons I personally don't respond -
1) I might not know enough about those particular issues. For example, someone posting about specific social security issues in a particular US state.
2) I might have no understanding or insight on a particular problem, such as a child with obvious psychotic breaks. But even where there is doubt, I have seen too many misunderstandings over a child who simply reports experiences differently (perhaps due to social deficits or sensory issues) to be comfortable with what I see as a too-rapid assumption that a child is OF COURSE having a psychotic break. It is very easy to label a child. As a result, we know that often the first labels are incorrect. But some labels are very hard to remove and can have serious repercussions if applied incorrectly. But I know my views are also tempered by where I live and the different customs here, so sometimes I choose to just shut up and try to close my eyes, in threads where I feel my words will only trigger distress.
3) Sometimes I get a 'feel' for a particular person (clearly not this time!) and choose to not respond because my responses in the past were either totally dismissed (which is the right of the individual, of course) or immediately discounted. When that person posts again with the same problem, and again people advise the same things, and again it is ignored - I learn to avoid wasting my time. But that is rare here.
4) And the final reason - sometimes I have to get out and live my life, and have only very limited minutes I can spend here. So then I respond only to the threads that catch my eye, where I feel my experience will be most relevant.
Failure to respond does not always mean we don't care. And especially in the beginning, when there is a delay before your posts are put up, you can feel very lonely and desperate.
Cheryl, if she comes back that will be good. But if she doesn't, then we need to realise that sometimes people need to keep looking for something that is more specific to their needs.
We do what we do. That is the nature of forums. We also work together where we can to help someone. I've been messaged at times, when a member wants me to have a look at a particular thread because after all these years, people know me well enough to know when I might have something of value to say to someone.
Persistence is important for parents, as well as for people on this site. If at first you don't succeed - try again.
Marg
I didn't see it until late and replied on her other one. Was her request sent after her replies there?
