Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Fran, Apr 5, 2007.
I was wondering what the status of your difficult child's is lately?
Yes, how are things?
thanks fran for asking. well, as you know I asked ant to move out on March 27th. he walked out with nothing but called in a bit and asked me what he was going to do? I told him I didnt know. he came back in a short time and took clothes. the next day he was back and took his bed as well as Kaleb's bed. he glared at me and would not speak to me and left in the truck some girl was driving.
no word for a week. boyfriend has told me that ant has not missed one day of work and is getting rides. ant's dad charges him to ride him some of the time. other times he is driven by any one of a number of girls. apparently he is renting one bedroom off a gal with two kids. she lives in a duplex and needs help with rent money. she charges him 50.00 more a month than I did. no lease. they are not romantically involved.
Kaleb went back to his mom's two days before I had ant move out. I knew once he was due to return I would hear from ant. sure enough he called me yesterday and said Kaleb was coming in a week and he had no sitter. (not one word of apology from ant just asking for help with Kaleb)
I told him I will watch kaleb when I am off work but only during ant's working hours. that left uncovered days. ant said he could not find anyone. I told him to try harder. boyfriend tells me ant found someone for the other days.
I am at peace with him out. I know he is angry but he is almost 24 and can support himself. I also know I have zero tolerance for swearing, disrespect of me and my space,and him calling me while he is drunk after I have gotten to bed. I believe if he has to take care of all his own needs and bills, he may have to toe the line more. if not, his problem. I expect in time he will get over his anger at me for making him grow up.
by the way boyfriend and I are in the talking stages. he has expressed that he is very sad about all that happened with us as well. he has apologized and shown a lot of remorse, he says he loves me. I am not sure if he is the one for me any more. his mother and father invited us two to easter dinner.
I have been discovering that boyfriend suffers from depression off and on. he has a history of it and his withdrawl for a week, his insomnia, and disorganized thoughts, and skewed judgement of late has brought that to light. I am not sure I want to deal with that either. for now, we are seeing each other daily and talking. I am so grateful he continues to counsel and work with ant daily. that is a blessing.
I am taking it slow, focusing on my walking program and diet to get ready for summer. my house is getting the once over too. I dig into it when I get stressed. it helps to be busy.
Janet ~ Isn't it amazing how self-sufficient our difficult children can be when they have to? Ant has managed to find a place to live and a babysitter!
Nomad ~ How about you? Did difficult child come home from the hospital yesterday?
Nomad, glad things seem to be settling down for difficult child. Hopefully the new medications, new phone number will help her towards having a more stable environment.
Janet, I am glad that you told ant "to try harder" and it worked. It's time for you to have an adult life too. At some point the needs of our kids do not take precedence over our needs. Once they are in their 20's they will have to wait in line with their needs.
It is your home and his glares are meaningless. No one wants their kids to be mad and unhappy but most of the times it seems difficult child's do it to themselves.
I'm glad he is working every day and taking care of his son.
Seems the talking with boyfriend will help you figure out what you want. Truthfully I don't know any adults who haven't had bouts of depression. Hopefully he will make sure his is treated.
Thanks nomad and Janet for the update. I was curious.
Janet, it sounds like you are in a much better place now, emotionally. I'm glad that you stuck to your guns with ant. He has to work it out. At least you will get to see Kaleb too.
Nomad, did she get into primary doctor for those antibiotics yet?
Janet, I am glad things are calming down for you. Take your time making the boyfriend decision. I can totally relate to only wanting truly healthy relationships at this point in your journey.
Nomad, It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I hope your difficult child stays stable and keeps moving foward. -RM
Janet and Nomad, what great updates! I know you are both still concerned, but from my end I see huge progress. You've got plans in place and are sticking to them. Bravo.
It will be interesting to see how your difficult child treats you when he drops off the little one, Janet.
news since my post is that ant's dad refuses to ride him any more. seems he was only willing to ride him as long as boyfriend was out of my picture. ant has a new problem...getting rides. we will see how it unfolds.
What is it with these ex-husband's who want to continue to be in our lives? What difference does it make if you are seeing boyfriend or not. Ant is still his son.
I have two ex-husband's and they are both the same. The first is my difficult child's father, so I have needed to stay in touch with him over the years. But my second ex is in denial. He refers to our divorce as "that thing he let me do with the lawyer" and still calls frequently. That's one reason I sold the house and moved quickly after filing. I knew he wouldn't let go easily.
It sounds like there is still some measure of comfort and friendship with your boyfriend, so why not continue on the basis you have described. When something happens you don't like, your consolation is that you aren't married to him.
Glad to hear things have calmed down.
What in the world does giving his son a ride to work have to do with you having a boyfriend???? What twisted thinking.
steph, my ex has always only been nice to his sons if it meant he got to me. I wish he would stop hurting his sons. it will not stop until ant cuts him off completely like his older brother has done.
I have been on my own for 6 yrs already! divorced 5. my ex is a diagonosed schizophrenic who will never give up. ugh.
hope you can get her in Monday. Can she take the sulfa medications? You can get her over the counter stuff and also get her to drink lots of cranberry juice in the meantime. The sulfa, over-the-counter helps with any burning pain she may have.
There is some medicine you can get here in GA for urinary tract infections that is kept behind the pharmacist's counter but does not require a prescription.
It works great but does turn the urine a bright orange color.
I don't know the name of it but you could ask your pharmacist. It could be used as a temporary solution.
It's called AZO and it is a life saver!!! DDD
Separate names with a comma.