Nomad78, I was re-reading some of my replies to you and I want to apologize. I am very sorry if you ended up feeling jumped on or attacked by anything posted. Everything was said with the best intentions. Hearing a story like yours can bring up fierce reactions because we have seen our own difficult children show behavior similar to what you get. For me it was the sneakiness and boldness the boy shows. My own son was violent for a number of years. He was also excellent at hiding it and bringing out the absolute worst of it ONLY for my daughter and I. I do feel that you are in a no-win situation in many ways. I sincerely hope and pray that the advice you received was dead wrong. Nothing else would make me happier, because it would mean that difficult child was getting the help and treatment that he needs and that the rest of the family was also. They are all very blessed to have you. Please let us know how we can support you best. If you just want to vent, no suggestions offered but lots of sympathy, then we can do that. You do have to tell us (we overloaded the circuit so now our psychic connection is broken. LOL!) If you need practical suggestions for a specific problem, help trying to get your wife to see the problems for what they are, or anything else, even just friends to chat with, let us know. Hugs, Susie PS. Just want to again apologize if we came on too strong and/or upset you.