Non-stop talking - how to handle without more talking

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Buggsee, Jun 21, 2011.

  1. Buggsee

    Buggsee New Member

    I am new to the site. I had to laugh when I saw the note that said if I found this site I was probably having a bad parenting day. Boy, am I in the right place! We have been having a tough time with non-stop talking with my 12 year old son with BiPolar (BP), Adhd and ODD. When I say non-stop I mean the only time there is silence is when he is sleeping. We have tried ignoring him, asking him to stop or trying to redirect his focus, withholding privileges, even leaving the room entirely. He will follow so closely he will step on our shoes. My husband is hiding in the garage, my daughter is in tears and I am at my wits end. Today I finally snapped and told him to SHUT UP through clenched teeth. He clenched his teeth back and said I CAN'T. We are all upset and he is feeling badly about himself and I can't seem to help. He had a doctors appointment yesterday and they increased one of his medications to help, but it will take a while to take affect, if it will work at all. He will follow up with his therapist next week. In the meantime, what can I do to make life more bearable for everyone until we can get this figured out. I could really use some advice from someone who has been through this. Thanks!
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome.

    Has he ALWAYS been a nonstop talker?

    What medications is in on? Certain medications, such as stimulants and antidepressants can induce a sort of mania in both kids and adults if they are so inclined. In other words, sometimes medications (the wrong medications) hurt more than help.

    Can you tell us a bit about his early development and other behaviors?

    Welcome to the board :)
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Buggsee!

    Oh the non stop talking. I can definitely relate to how you are feeling! There are days when the non stop talking will drive you nuts. There are many nights when I have prayed for him to fall asleep! We do still have many days where there is non stop talking. When he is really manic he doesn't even pause to take a breath!

    Now there are times when we do get some relief. I think my difficult child's medications really help so that it isn't completely non stop most of the time (still feels like it at times-like right now when I'm writing this-hard to keep my thoughts straight right now-I'm sure you understand-lol).

    When my difficult child was younger one thing that would keep him quiet for awhile is we would play who could be the quietest. He is very competitive so that worked for him. Now there are times when my husband takes him to the movies just to get him to be quiet.

    I wish I had great advice but know that you are not alone!! In the summer we send him to some day camps to give ourselves a break!!
     
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Wow. I can sure symapthize with the talking. My son said mom every minute or so after I got home yesterday! I wanted to change my name! Are there any activities you can sign him up for to get him out of the house (if he can do well enough with them)? I wish I had a good answer, usually with my difficult child son there are a few things he likes to do around the house, watering the garden, playing a computer game, certain tv shows, and he will do these for at least 15minutes or so and even that small break helps me.

    I too would be interested to know what medications he is on and what medication they increased? Is he like this all the time, or is it a more recent problem?

    One time years ago we were in the car and difficult child son would not stop talking. He got mad at his sister because she was not listening to him, and told her so. She turned to her brother and told him maybe if he ever quit talking she would listen to him! It was all I could do not to laugh.
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome to the board.

    My grandson Alex does this, and yes it drives me literally over the edge. Not only does he never stop talking.....he's usually asking the same thing 50 plus times.

    His, I believe, stems from anxiety.

    I will answer once. I don't answer again, regardless. I don't raise my voice, I lower it and speak softly to him so he has to stop talking to hear me. Much of the time it works, unless his parents are around. They feel compelled to respond to everything that comes out of the child's mouth.....which only makes it worse. ugh

    This may be an aspect of his BiPolar (BP). And it may be hard for him to control. It also could be a reaction to one of his medications if this is a new behavior.

    Travis, who has Tourettes would tic as his stress level or anxiety level increased. Non verbal tics I could ignore for the most part. The verbal ones drove me insane. So instead of ME blowing my top over something he could not really control.....I'd send him to his room until the urge to tic stopped. Was not for punishment and he knew it. This helped me be more even tempered when dealing with the behavior. Although there were times when he'd be in his room mult times a day. It also seemed to help him learn to control the behavior to a certain degree. Because let's face it, it's hard to force yourself to relax from stress/anxiety if you have people nagging you to stop it or shut up already.

    Hugs
     
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    :hugs:

    I so know how this feels. Onyxx would sometimes go on and on and on and on and on... I just wanted to relax after work! And Jett will do it too. I believe in her case it was a manifestation of mania in the bipolar. In Jett's case - he wants attention... The problem is, he just wants to talk about video games, which we won't do, because it is an obsession and we have no clue because we don't play those games. Or he will babble on about a cartoon when we come into the room - no, honey, I didn't see that, so I have no idea - and he'll REWIND stuff to show us, so we can discuss. Eee. (This would be OK with current events, but Phineas & Ferb?!) I've given up trying to read a book with him in the room - he will pester and pester until I have lost count of the number of times I have read a sentence.

    I like Lisa's idea of room time - it isn't a punishment, it's a calm-down time. And WO's quiet game... Jett loses this one a lot... LOL!
     
  7. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Both my boys do this but differently. Daniel is a non stop talker and interrupts conversations and telephone calls. some of this may be due to his medications and dxs but alot id attention seeking. I have learned to tune some of it out and I admit that at times I use the talking hand movement and say to others "he's talking and can't shut up". Sometimes when we are home I just take my own time out and head to my bedroom to read or watch TV. I tell him I am on a time out and not to bother me unless it is an emergency.
    Right now Daniel's big thing is Bigfoot and he watches and rewinds the program on TV to show me again and again what they are showing. Kinda wish my computer was in another room.
    David, on the other hand is very quiet when Daniel is around except for when Daniel teases him. When Daniel has been hospitalized this year David became a marathon talker but there were no screams of fear...sad.
     
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I had forgotten about my "time outs"...brought back memories. I used that method, alot of silent prayer and at one time gave difficult child a tape recorder to use when he felt the need to "share" and I was busy with other things. DDD
     
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I find that Duckie tends to be stressed out or overstimulate when she's talking too much. So we do things like: have her take an extra long shower, back/shoulder rub, read an interesting book, exercise and now we also use her brushing/compression technique. Plenty of sleep is a must too.
     
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Add Miss KT to the list of non-stop talkers. Used to drive me insane. It's somewhat better now, but...
     
  11. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    All that incessant talking will make a person totally nuts. My difficult child would never shut up, just went on and on and on. Sometimes she'd lose track of what she was talking about, and get mad at me, because she said I interrupted her and then she lost her train of thought. Yeah, that was the idea, but she always found something to talk about. This is one that would make me livid. I would tell her time to take her medicine, and she would look at me watching her take it and she would yell at me, as if I were in another room, and say Mom, I'm taking my medicine, and would not stop until i said okay, or something to her. Wouldn't matter if I was standing 2 feet in front of her. I can't be in the car with her long, because she never shuts up. Then she'll want to listen to the radion. SO the radio is blaring and she's blaring. I turn it off and tell her if she wants it on, she has to listen. She just can't do it. The only thing that worked for me was to send myself to a time out. I guess she thought it was cool, that she wasn't the one taking the time out. I needed the time-out from her. I did tell her if she interrupted my time-out then she would get one. Worked some of the time not all of the time. Clonidine kind of helped with the incessant talking. Headphones in the car for her worked too. She wouldn't really hear much of what anyone else was saying and stayed involved in the music. I feel for you. Hang in there.
     
  12. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    This was my difficult child as well, diagnosis ADHD abd ODD. He would ask a question, but the non-stop talking never allowed for him to listen to an answer. It was so non-stop and ADHD, he would forget what he's talking about in mid-sentence, and start saying something else, it was really non-stop. When he was tired, it would be worse. We said, "quiet" or "no talking". Try to use the least amount of words, I never said anything in mean way, like shut-up, but it was too much, I'm sure it overwhelmed him even. In our case, he's almost 24, he's much better!
     
  13. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    upallnight, I said shut-up plenty and boy did I mean it. I am kind of impulisve like her at times and this frustrated me to no end. Continual on the go motor mouth. I realized that I was able to handle it more than most people because other people would be around her and be like WHOA, does it ever stop. I could take it to a point and if I couldn't redirect or get away, shut up came out sometimes. Please, and be quiet too, but I felt I was doing pretty good at the time I really probably wanted to scream, or throw something. I wanted to plenty. LOL. I sure hope mine grows out of it like yours did. LoL.
     
  14. Buggsee

    Buggsee New Member

    I would have to agree with you 100 percent on the sleep thing. It took years to get a sleep routine down, but it's working great now. A shower, then a snack and a book usually do the trick. Tonight he wanted me to read to him, but he narrates the book while I read so I suggested he read it to me. BINGO! He read me a little over a chapter and he got to talk the whole time! He when to bed a happy boy. What is brushing/compression? His teachers have mentioned something like this and it might work for him to calm him down. I would like to learn more.
     
  15. Buggsee

    Buggsee New Member

    I love the time-out for me idea. I never thought of that. I will definitely try it. I can see how it would prevent me from saying something stupid or hurtful and having a day like yesterday. It would also show him that I also need to take break to calm down and figure out what the best next step should be. Thanks for the advice.
     
  16. Buggsee

    Buggsee New Member

    medications - morning, concerta 27 mg, lexapro 10 mg, ability 5mg. Noon, concerta 27 mg, intuniv 4 mg, ability 10 mg. Bedtime, melatonin 6 mg. I am concerned about the concerta levels. He gets manic at 36 mg so it was dropped down to 27 twice a day to help, but i wonder at it's effectiveness. doctor will lower or change , but not all at once. She increased the intuniv from 3 to 4 mg this week to see if it would help. Mood is stabilized for the most part except for a touch of anxiety. ADHD symptoms are not under control and contribute to the majority of his problems. Welbutrin and adderall are not effective for him. They cause mania at therapeutic doses and he had to be hospitalized at 7 years old to get it straightened out. This is when we got the BiPolar (BP) diagnosis. It was a traumatic experience for him. He still talks about it and is motivated to take his medicine to prevent future admissions. Ideally, I would like to see gym off all stimulants if we can find an alternative.He is really a wonderful child. Smart, funny, affectionate, quick to forgive an offense and honest to a fault ( the talking can be problematic here ;). He is a straight A student with no learning disabilities. He loves American history, current events and politics (again the talking). He is intense, sensitive and emotional. You know how he is feeling and where you stand with him at all times. It's all out there. Most people cannot handle that much in a person and he can chase people away without meaning to. He is painfully aware of this and we are all working hard for him to find a medication/ behavior combo that works for him but does not diminish his personality. He has a magical ability to endear himself to people who can roll with his intensity.He has always been a talker, but recently (for 3-4 months), it has gotten out of hand. I really think it medication related to a point. He needs to have his adhd under control, but I don't think stimulants are the best choice for him. I wonder if there is anything out there that might work and not trigger the BiPolar (BP)?
     
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    this is another thread that brought back fond memories.

    after Jamie was in boot camp for 17 weeks he was absolutely over the moon to finally get home to us where he could actually speak without asking permission or a "Sir, Yes Sir" tied to it or the threat of being hit or made to do some other punishment. We get him in the car and he started talking a mile a minute. Seriously, we couldnt get a word in edgewise. We finally drove about an hour and Tony pulled the car over and went in this little gas station and bought a two boxes of snack cakes and some drinks and hands them to him and said...eat them. Maybe you cant talk while u eat, you are making our ears bleed.
     
  18. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Me too. (Waving hand frantically from the back of the class). My difficult child talks incessantly. And there's no break when he falls asleep either, because he talks in his sleep too (sigh). Always makes me think of this scene from Bugs Bunny...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYa0jpGFUeY

    T
    rinity
     
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