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Not a good night
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 58881" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Sharon, consider that when he attacks someone as he does that the state will make the decision for your son, your husband and you. My fear was always that he would hurt my other child or someone outside the home. I would then not be able to help him and control would be removed from me. (in terms of best interest)Not to mention the guilt I would live with that I allowed it to happen by not interceding when I knew it would happen eventually. To allow easy child to be physically harmed is assault and difficult child would have to pay those consequences. The school will do the same as will parents of other children. Rightfully so. He is not capable of living in the mainstream at this point. Your husband may not be willing to look at other options. You may not be willing to look at other options but you will be faced with a lot of unpleasant and heartbreaking decisions anyhow. </p><p></p><p>As far as not being able to bear not having them with you, I will agree it is painful but this is about their health and well being and not mine. It is the pain I will live with to know that he won't be hurt or hurt another. It's a huge sacrifice but it's a bit like the story of King Solomon-will you relinquish your physical possession for his well being. </p><p></p><p>I'm not saying it has to be Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but I am saying that something more has to be done. He has had a horrendous school year socially. He was violent and he is doing what he does to you. I don't blame easy child for a second for disliking difficult child. Your easy child deserves a reasonable homelife. When your easy child starts to beg to go away to school just to get out, you may wonder if protecting difficult child was the best way to go. My easy child didn't act out with drugs and alcohol but he internalized his fear and hate with anxiety of his own and fear. It took a lot of work to get him to come out of the cocoon that he wrapped himself in. The collateral damage made me start to feel that I couldn't help difficult child. He is beyond my ability to cure but I failed my easy child. I could have done more and I should have. I did the best I knew for difficult child but I didn't do what was best for easy child. There has to be a balance. </p><p></p><p>If husband chooses his comfort in having difficult child over the safety and dignity of his family then you have to ask him why? What makes him think that difficult child living a status quo life surpasses your(and easy child) safety, dignity and quality of life.</p><p></p><p>The legal system will have the communities best interest in mind and not difficult child's. It's a losing proposition for your difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 58881, member: 3"] Sharon, consider that when he attacks someone as he does that the state will make the decision for your son, your husband and you. My fear was always that he would hurt my other child or someone outside the home. I would then not be able to help him and control would be removed from me. (in terms of best interest)Not to mention the guilt I would live with that I allowed it to happen by not interceding when I knew it would happen eventually. To allow easy child to be physically harmed is assault and difficult child would have to pay those consequences. The school will do the same as will parents of other children. Rightfully so. He is not capable of living in the mainstream at this point. Your husband may not be willing to look at other options. You may not be willing to look at other options but you will be faced with a lot of unpleasant and heartbreaking decisions anyhow. As far as not being able to bear not having them with you, I will agree it is painful but this is about their health and well being and not mine. It is the pain I will live with to know that he won't be hurt or hurt another. It's a huge sacrifice but it's a bit like the story of King Solomon-will you relinquish your physical possession for his well being. I'm not saying it has to be Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but I am saying that something more has to be done. He has had a horrendous school year socially. He was violent and he is doing what he does to you. I don't blame easy child for a second for disliking difficult child. Your easy child deserves a reasonable homelife. When your easy child starts to beg to go away to school just to get out, you may wonder if protecting difficult child was the best way to go. My easy child didn't act out with drugs and alcohol but he internalized his fear and hate with anxiety of his own and fear. It took a lot of work to get him to come out of the cocoon that he wrapped himself in. The collateral damage made me start to feel that I couldn't help difficult child. He is beyond my ability to cure but I failed my easy child. I could have done more and I should have. I did the best I knew for difficult child but I didn't do what was best for easy child. There has to be a balance. If husband chooses his comfort in having difficult child over the safety and dignity of his family then you have to ask him why? What makes him think that difficult child living a status quo life surpasses your(and easy child) safety, dignity and quality of life. The legal system will have the communities best interest in mind and not difficult child's. It's a losing proposition for your difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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