Sorry not to have been around a whole lot recently. I have read and kept all of you in my prayers though. It was just a bunch of stuff. My IBS kicked up and this is the first time since age 14 or 15 that diet did not work to help at all. I really feel for gvc's son and others with Crohn's. The IBS has been bad before but NEVER like this. It just exhausted me - literally NO energy or ability to do anything. All the medications just ran right through me so everything got worse. The doctor finally gave me a medication for it - Donnatol. I only remember it from being a kid because it was what mom gave us when I was really little. I actually didn't even know there were medications other than immodium and lomotil for IBS. All these years and mini wheats were the only thing that I ever really had to control it. We did sort of settle things with my mom. I am NOT calling her but won't rebuff her when seh calls. The call on Jessie's birthday where she was verbally attacking me for "controlling her home" and I broke down in tears and let it all rip apparently really got through to her that she is hurting her grandkids by pushing this. It wasn't the first time I told her that my younger two have nightmares and panic attacks from any contact with gfgbro but it was the first time she "heard" it. She didn't have ANY response when I asked her what I should do when my son falls out of bed because he is trying to get away from his uncle in his dreams after even wearing a shirt that gfgbro gave him or how I should handle the week or two of no sleep and panic attacks from Jess after he calls and leaves messages on the answering machine or we even see him in a store. I was crying and upset and just threw it ALL onto her to handle. Told her if she forced this then SHE had to come and sit through the panic attacks and hold the kids as they cried and listen to them cry out in their sleep. Jess wanted to go to my parents to celebrate her birthday and I respected her wishes enough to reschedule for the day after. Gfgbro had left a gift for her there and Mom pulled me aside and asked me what to do with it -BEFORE the kids saw it. She just made it go away. She isn't willing to tell gfgbro that she did that, but seh did tell him that if he left anything on our doorstep again or came up to us in a store then she would cut the funds for his grad school (she and dad are paying for grad school for him and supporting him as they did for us when husband was in grad school - I didn't know it but it was part of my gma's will that this happen. I thought it was just for the last 3 semesters of my undergrad degree after Wiz was born.) She has TOTALLY backed off the pressure on me on the gfgbro front. I am working to find another therapist for the kids and I as the one we were seeing has flaked out and just cancelled or not been there for appts since May. I want my kids to work through their feelings about gfgbro as I am working through them. I don't want them to react like that for the rest of their lives to ANYONE. Haven't seen her since J's birthday celebration but have chatted on the phone a few times and it was fine. If she is willing to back off then I won't cut her off totally. I did find an email dated a month before the birthday blowup where she asked if she died would I stop my "vendetta" against gfgbro because she didn't think my Dad would survive with-o both our support. I just deleted it because it is sheer manipulation and it was before she actually listened and realized that it is because my kids that I put the boundary there. Yes, I know that I should just make it permanent because gfgbro is bad for my emotional well being, but my folks are old and not in good health and I love them very much. If i was the only one he hurt I would ignore it, work with my therapist on it and not make a big deal around my folks and never see him except around them. NOT the healthiest for ME but it is what I would do. At least I am not deluding myself on that - and I AM working on it with the therapist to make it different and make my emotional health more of a priority in my head. Progress, not perfection, Know what I mean??? husband was asked to teach a class at the university this semester. NOT a permanent job but it is a good thing. I have finally convinced him to work on a course/book to teach teens/kids to create their own video games AND to talk to the various colleges around our state about teaching computer classes. He is going to talk to his old advisor about what he needs to get a full time teaching position at a 2 or 4 yr university. He is a truly gifted teacher, one of those who is good at doing it and much, much, much better at teaching others to do it. Doesn't matter if it is jr high, high school, college or seniors, he is amazing at teaching them. Not just computer stuff but that is his field so that is where he is looking. I am proud of him. It is HARD for him to not have a permanent job and mostly he keeps his spirits up and morale good. No matter what temp job he does, they love him. He started a 40hr a week job at an African American university near us in the admissions dept back in May. It was to be 4-6 weeks long. He freaked when he had pneumonia and missed almost 2 weeks. He is STILL working there - they keep finding things for him even though the other 4 people stopped in mid June. They are unhappy that he can only give them 2 days a week this fall because his teaching schedule and the football games he works. The games and this temp job are through the same service and he can only work 40 hours. thank you has his schedule for middle school. We have a new principal and he has none of the teachers his bro and sis had. I was truly shocked at his supply list. Not one teacher demanded a 3 ring binder. they recommend a trapper keeper or zipper binder to keep all folders, etc... in but it isn't a requirement. Wiz and Jess each were required to have a 1 1/2 or 2 inch binder for every class and to carry them home each night. Apparently some of the docs in town got fed up iwth all the middle schoolers with chronic back problems and made some serious noise. The one teacher that will remember Wiz is now the librarian and really liked Wiz so this is good (thank you looks exactly like Wiz did at his age - EXACTLY!). I was very worried that he would have one or all four of the teachers that really despised Wiz and went out of their way to make him miserable. So I actually have HOPE that one of my kids will make it through 6th grade in our district!!!!! Jess is getting ready for classes also. She and I have decided to do a GED prep this year and she will take the SAT and ACT and maybe go to college early or take a year off to work on projects of her own if her health won't allow that. Our new doctor thinks it is BS that we cannot get any treatment for her. He is working on getting her into a new neuro who will work WITH the psychiatrist instead of just throwing the case to the psychiatrist and writing it off. We all agree that anxiety and depression are a part of what is going on, but that there is something else going on. This just happened last week when he realized the full scope of what she is going through. I saw the reports the neuro sent him and they are full of stuff he NEVER did, tests, therapy recommendations, etc..... - including strong allegations that I am a Munchausen Mom who is inventing all of these problems because I don't want my daughter to ever leave home. THAT report was sent after an appointment where Jess had 3 absence seizures (or something similar) including one where she fell. I was NO WHERE in the room and he spoke to her privately trying to get her to admit that she didn't have any of these symptoms and I forced her to say this. The family doctor (new doctor) is furious and filing a complaint against him. I had NO idea of his allegations. I would have thought if he truly believed I was a Munchausen Mom then he would have reported it to CPS. He didn't. So we have NO clue WTF he was thinking, but the new doctor is sending a letter to the new neuro saying that there is NO evidenc eof htis. Anyway, this is our long month and why I have been gone so much. All of you have been in my thoughts and prayers every day. One last good thing - while my hands are still bad, I have figured out how to make them work to do the cross stitching I love again!!!