Not Around Much Last Month

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Aug 15, 2011.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sorry not to have been around a whole lot recently. I have read and kept all of you in my prayers though.

    It was just a bunch of stuff. My IBS kicked up and this is the first time since age 14 or 15 that diet did not work to help at all. I really feel for gvc's son and others with Crohn's. The IBS has been bad before but NEVER like this. It just exhausted me - literally NO energy or ability to do anything. All the medications just ran right through me so everything got worse. The doctor finally gave me a medication for it - Donnatol. I only remember it from being a kid because it was what mom gave us when I was really little. I actually didn't even know there were medications other than immodium and lomotil for IBS. All these years and mini wheats were the only thing that I ever really had to control it.

    We did sort of settle things with my mom. I am NOT calling her but won't rebuff her when seh calls. The call on Jessie's birthday where she was verbally attacking me for "controlling her home" and I broke down in tears and let it all rip apparently really got through to her that she is hurting her grandkids by pushing this. It wasn't the first time I told her that my younger two have nightmares and panic attacks from any contact with gfgbro but it was the first time she "heard" it. She didn't have ANY response when I asked her what I should do when my son falls out of bed because he is trying to get away from his uncle in his dreams after even wearing a shirt that gfgbro gave him or how I should handle the week or two of no sleep and panic attacks from Jess after he calls and leaves messages on the answering machine or we even see him in a store. I was crying and upset and just threw it ALL onto her to handle. Told her if she forced this then SHE had to come and sit through the panic attacks and hold the kids as they cried and listen to them cry out in their sleep.

    Jess wanted to go to my parents to celebrate her birthday and I respected her wishes enough to reschedule for the day after. Gfgbro had left a gift for her there and Mom pulled me aside and asked me what to do with it -BEFORE the kids saw it. She just made it go away. She isn't willing to tell gfgbro that she did that, but seh did tell him that if he left anything on our doorstep again or came up to us in a store then she would cut the funds for his grad school (she and dad are paying for grad school for him and supporting him as they did for us when husband was in grad school - I didn't know it but it was part of my gma's will that this happen. I thought it was just for the last 3 semesters of my undergrad degree after Wiz was born.)

    She has TOTALLY backed off the pressure on me on the gfgbro front. I am working to find another therapist for the kids and I as the one we were seeing has flaked out and just cancelled or not been there for appts since May. I want my kids to work through their feelings about gfgbro as I am working through them. I don't want them to react like that for the rest of their lives to ANYONE.

    Haven't seen her since J's birthday celebration but have chatted on the phone a few times and it was fine. If she is willing to back off then I won't cut her off totally. I did find an email dated a month before the birthday blowup where she asked if she died would I stop my "vendetta" against gfgbro because she didn't think my Dad would survive with-o both our support. I just deleted it because it is sheer manipulation and it was before she actually listened and realized that it is because my kids that I put the boundary there.

    Yes, I know that I should just make it permanent because gfgbro is bad for my emotional well being, but my folks are old and not in good health and I love them very much. If i was the only one he hurt I would ignore it, work with my therapist on it and not make a big deal around my folks and never see him except around them. NOT the healthiest for ME but it is what I would do. At least I am not deluding myself on that - and I AM working on it with the therapist to make it different and make my emotional health more of a priority in my head.

    Progress, not perfection, Know what I mean???

    husband was asked to teach a class at the university this semester. NOT a permanent job but it is a good thing. I have finally convinced him to work on a course/book to teach teens/kids to create their own video games AND to talk to the various colleges around our state about teaching computer classes. He is going to talk to his old advisor about what he needs to get a full time teaching position at a 2 or 4 yr university. He is a truly gifted teacher, one of those who is good at doing it and much, much, much better at teaching others to do it. Doesn't matter if it is jr high, high school, college or seniors, he is amazing at teaching them. Not just computer stuff but that is his field so that is where he is looking.

    I am proud of him. It is HARD for him to not have a permanent job and mostly he keeps his spirits up and morale good. No matter what temp job he does, they love him. He started a 40hr a week job at an African American university near us in the admissions dept back in May. It was to be 4-6 weeks long. He freaked when he had pneumonia and missed almost 2 weeks. He is STILL working there - they keep finding things for him even though the other 4 people stopped in mid June. They are unhappy that he can only give them 2 days a week this fall because his teaching schedule and the football games he works. The games and this temp job are through the same service and he can only work 40 hours.

    thank you has his schedule for middle school. We have a new principal and he has none of the teachers his bro and sis had. I was truly shocked at his supply list. Not one teacher demanded a 3 ring binder. they recommend a trapper keeper or zipper binder to keep all folders, etc... in but it isn't a requirement. Wiz and Jess each were required to have a 1 1/2 or 2 inch binder for every class and to carry them home each night. Apparently some of the docs in town got fed up iwth all the middle schoolers with chronic back problems and made some serious noise. The one teacher that will remember Wiz is now the librarian and really liked Wiz so this is good (thank you looks exactly like Wiz did at his age - EXACTLY!). I was very worried that he would have one or all four of the teachers that really despised Wiz and went out of their way to make him miserable.

    So I actually have HOPE that one of my kids will make it through 6th grade in our district!!!!!

    Jess is getting ready for classes also. She and I have decided to do a GED prep this year and she will take the SAT and ACT and maybe go to college early or take a year off to work on projects of her own if her health won't allow that.

    Our new doctor thinks it is BS that we cannot get any treatment for her. He is working on getting her into a new neuro who will work WITH the psychiatrist instead of just throwing the case to the psychiatrist and writing it off. We all agree that anxiety and depression are a part of what is going on, but that there is something else going on. This just happened last week when he realized the full scope of what she is going through. I saw the reports the neuro sent him and they are full of stuff he NEVER did, tests, therapy recommendations, etc..... - including strong allegations that I am a Munchausen Mom who is inventing all of these problems because I don't want my daughter to ever leave home. THAT report was sent after an appointment where Jess had 3 absence seizures (or something similar) including one where she fell. I was NO WHERE in the room and he spoke to her privately trying to get her to admit that she didn't have any of these symptoms and I forced her to say this. The family doctor (new doctor) is furious and filing a complaint against him. I had NO idea of his allegations. I would have thought if he truly believed I was a Munchausen Mom then he would have reported it to CPS. He didn't. So we have NO clue WTF he was thinking, but the new doctor is sending a letter to the new neuro saying that there is NO evidenc eof htis.

    Anyway, this is our long month and why I have been gone so much. All of you have been in my thoughts and prayers every day. One last good thing - while my hands are still bad, I have figured out how to make them work to do the cross stitching I love again!!!
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    That was a great update, Susie! Yes, progress not perfection. Big hugs, you have a lot going on.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Things sound like they are turning around for your family. It's about time. Isn't it a relief to finally tell your know-it-all manipulative mother everything you've had bottled up? I did that but my mom has "justified" her views and decisions so I have decided it is best for my kids to not be around her unless we have to.

    Glad husband is teaching and considering the book idea. If he's as good as you say, he could be a huge success. I know I have 1 and maybe 2 that would want to read it and give it a try.

    Even things with the kids sound good. I am so jealous. Things in our house are still very tense and I still need a job and I still need to help difficult child get through the first few days at a new school without his twin brother for support (they are in schools 25 miles apart).
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    Suzie sounds like a lot going on. I'm also glad to hear your mom is 'coming around' a bit. Much less stress!

    by the way if husband needs a someone to 'test' his book, I'll volunteer son! Son's been working on 3D graphics (mostly space ships, of course) and he does do some small animations, but he currently seems stuck and not progressing at anything. I'll add that he is self taught, so he's constantly researching what and how he needs to do next, and that alone can be overwhelming. I think he'd LOVE to have a resource teaching him, step by step, how to complete a project from start to finish.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I agree with H&R, not perfection, but a great update.

    I hope your Mom keeps her current position. Mine has finally given up on a "family reunion" before she dies. While I'm sure that would be nice for her......I can't manage to muster much enthusiasm for it. My sibs are ok from a distance. My nieces and nephews......I'd rather my kids not have relationships with them. Awful but true. They have more mild gfgdom to deal with on husband's side, that's enough. lol

    If your husband teaches that gaming class online let me know so I can tell Travis. He already makes online games, but might still think it's a lot of fun.

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Thanks all. It will be a while before husband gets the book/course on gaming up and running. He is still dealing with red tape as he tries to get his syllabus ready for the class he is teaching.

    We are coming to a pretty good place for the most part. It really helps that husband and I still not only love each other but also liek each other. And that the kids are basically low drama type kids. Today thank you is on the porch taking apart a broken computer desk that I finally got out of the living room. I had to pitch a FIT for the dead computer to go away - WHY do men cling to computer components that are either broken or so old that they won't run anything that anyone wants to do? This one reminds me of the old deer head that sat around Shari's yard until it was just bones - it was literally here that long!
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wanna know what is up with the IBS symptoms right now? Mine have been acting up lately too. Glad you are getting yours under control. I have been swigging Imodium like its water.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You too? I am sorry. doctor says immodium is really bad and to only use it as a last resort, but I bet he never spent entire days for weeks or months running (literally) back and forth to the bathroom!

    Soluble fiber is the key. Benefiber or the walmart fiber tablets (they are orange and say soluble fiber on the front label) are what will calm it down. MUST be soluble, not insoluble. The insoluble is super hard on your gut. The soluble isn't and if you avoid psyllium you shouldn't have big gas problems. The soluble fiber adds bulk that either pushes through constipation and gets it out or soaks up the excess liquid and fixes the diarrhea. I was an idiot and went wtih the fruits and veggies routing to try to stop it when my mini wheats didn't fix it. Fruits and veggies can be really hard on the system when IBS is really flaring. Go for 2-3 days where you concentrate on white bread (no bran or whole wheat because the bran is insoluble but the inside part that is in white flour is the soluble fiber part), potatos with no skins, etc.... Just go light on the butter and fat as that is also really tough on the gut.

    Applesauce is also good - the skin of the apple is hard on the gut during a flare and raw apples seem to be also. But applesauce is cooked and makes it really easy on the system and it can help.

    I hope yours calms down soon.