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Parent Emeritus
Not her parent, but still need help
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<blockquote data-quote="dstc_99" data-source="post: 631298" data-attributes="member: 15473"><p>Ok first off if it was a big deal to you that she be there for your birthday you needed to tell her that. Not today but a few days ago or even more. She hasn't been with you for 13 of them she might not have realized it was a big deal now. Second you need to understand that she made these plans to volunteer and she seems serious about them. That is actually a sign of maturity. Last, she is the one who dropped the ball on the sewing and therefore she is the one with the issue. I would tell her that at this point it is too late and you don't have time to help her. She can either work it out or find a place to stay for the two weeks. </p><p></p><p>To be honest I understand your frustration BUT having raised my own difficult child for a while now I can tell you that they do not read minds. They don't understand most normal thought processes like we do. You admit you had to learn them. Now it is her time. Instead of fuming silently about your birthday tell her you are upset and why. Then let her know that after your vacation you want to spend a birthday night with her. We are all adults here so we all realize that sometimes your birthday gets celebrated on whatever day works in the schedule. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like she is wanting to interact. Even if it means getting you riled up. </p><p></p><p>My best advice would be not to make your life difficult to accommodate her unless you can see real effort. That means if you can see her busting her butt to make something happen do whatever you feel is right to help her. If she isn't making the effort then let it go and don't do it for her. Natural consequences often work best. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dstc_99, post: 631298, member: 15473"] Ok first off if it was a big deal to you that she be there for your birthday you needed to tell her that. Not today but a few days ago or even more. She hasn't been with you for 13 of them she might not have realized it was a big deal now. Second you need to understand that she made these plans to volunteer and she seems serious about them. That is actually a sign of maturity. Last, she is the one who dropped the ball on the sewing and therefore she is the one with the issue. I would tell her that at this point it is too late and you don't have time to help her. She can either work it out or find a place to stay for the two weeks. To be honest I understand your frustration BUT having raised my own difficult child for a while now I can tell you that they do not read minds. They don't understand most normal thought processes like we do. You admit you had to learn them. Now it is her time. Instead of fuming silently about your birthday tell her you are upset and why. Then let her know that after your vacation you want to spend a birthday night with her. We are all adults here so we all realize that sometimes your birthday gets celebrated on whatever day works in the schedule. It sounds like she is wanting to interact. Even if it means getting you riled up. My best advice would be not to make your life difficult to accommodate her unless you can see real effort. That means if you can see her busting her butt to make something happen do whatever you feel is right to help her. If she isn't making the effort then let it go and don't do it for her. Natural consequences often work best. Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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