Not my responsibility

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by HereWeGoAgain, Sep 20, 2007.

  1. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    This is pretty inconsequential compared to most things on CD but I am annoyed enough to post about it anyway.

    A while back difficult child seemed to develop the idea that I was her alarm clock. At first it was just an occasional "would you wake me up before you go to work?" Well sure, OK, not a big deal. Then she got a job and has to get up three mornings a week, and get a ride to work from me, so it gets to be a habit to ask me to get her up when I get up, but I let it slide, it is no imposition since I have to be up anyway, and besides, it's good that she has a job, right? Well then it's "can you get me up at 5:00" (so she doesn't have to rush through hair and makeup). I don't guess it even occurred to her that it was an imposition on me to get up an hour early solely for her benefit... I balked at that and gave her an extra alarm clock I had. It is hard to tell if this thing is set right, it has a lot of displays and functions on it, so I set it for her. Well she gets in the habit of having me set it for her. I tried to show her how to do it but she couldn't get it right. (Well, "wouldn't" get it right is more accurate. After all why take the trouble to learn how it worked when dad would just do it for her.) So one day I bought her a simple alarm clock of her own. And things got better. She started taking responsibility for getting up all by herself.

    This morning she wasn't up when I got up. I figured, since she's been doing good, that she didn't have to work today. Normally she would on a Thursday but it wouldn't be the first time there was a change in the schedule. So I was pleased that I didn't need to give her a ride and could take an extra 15 minutes to sit down and look at the news.

    I'm about to leave when wife gets up (earlier than normal for her) and asks "Where's J?" "Asleep." "What!?! She has to work today!" Now wife has to get gr.daughter up and take difficult child to work so she's mad and difficult child is late and cussing at me. So my quiet morning I thought I'd get to enjoy is ruined, everyone blaming me for not checking (of course if difficult child really did have the day off she'd be mad about being woken up unnecessarily). I left for work thinking, "I wonder who I get to blame if I oversleep?"
     
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Isn't she 27??

    I wouldn't explain anything to her other then your 27, if you can't get yourself up, you can't get to work, you get fired, then you have to move out!!

    My daugthter is only 17. Granted she's not a difficult child, but I don't even have to wake her up. She gets up different times everyday for school, depending on if she needs to shower, straighten her hair, or just run out the door. She resets her alarm daily according to when she wants to leave. I think your daughter should be more then capable of setting it for one time and turning it on and off.

    Sorry.... I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at her. How dare she walk out the door swearing like you made her late!!!!!!!!
     
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    My 12 year old difficult child and my 16 year old easy child (this year is a first for him) both get themselves up in the morning. They don't have to because I'm here in the morning, but they each have an alarm and they each choose to set it and get themselves up.

    She is 27 years old for crying out loud. Time to grow up.

    Sorry you had to bear the brunt of her wrath this morning. Not a nice way to start the day.
     
  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ditto what Karen said. Just stop. Tell her tonight that you have quit being her wakeup service.

    The title of your thread says it all.

    ~Kathy
     
  5. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    My 12 year old easy child does this to my husband. Doesn't think about what he's asking when he says "Can you wake me up at 5." husband is barely out of bed at 5, sometimes not until 530.

    I agree that your title says it all. It isn't your responsibility, she is 27.

    Sorry your quiet morning turned out to be your obnoxious morning.
     
  6. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Turn the tables.

    Tell her that YOU need to be up at 4:30 am tomorrow morning for a really important meeting. That you don't want to set your alarm clock because it's an inconvenience and that YOU need HER to get YOU up.

    She what her reaction is... and then tell her that getting herself up is HER responsibility. End of conversation.
     
  7. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    When you do as goldenguru suggests, have a tape recorder handy and tape her answer......I'm pretty sure she would say something like....Why should I have to wake YOU up?

    Keep playing the tape back anytime this arises......
     
  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I agree to let her handle this herself. if she has a cellphone teach her to set that to ring. works great!
     
  9. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Thanks you all.

    wife told me that difficult child started to gripe about me "rushing" her on other occassions. So in her mind not only was I expected to get her up, but to cool my heels while she takes her sweet time getting ready. wife read her the riot act about it (yay wife!). I have to catch a train to the city, and I'm going to tell difficult child that henceforth she'll have to live by the same criteria as me: I'm leaving no later than 6:55, and if she's not ready to go, too bad, the "train" is leaving the station whether she's on board or not.

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Goldenguru: Turn the tables.

    Tell her that YOU need to be up at 4:30 am tomorrow morning for a really important meeting. That you don't want to set your alarm clock because it's an inconvenience and that YOU need HER to get YOU up.

    She what her reaction is... and then tell her that getting herself up is HER responsibility. End of conversation.

    Why Me: When you do as goldenguru suggests, have a tape recorder handy and tape her answer......I'm pretty sure she would say something like....Why should I have to wake YOU up?

    Keep playing the tape back anytime this arises.....</div></div> :rofl: I love it
     
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