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<blockquote data-quote="shawnb" data-source="post: 314404" data-attributes="member: 8232"><p>An update... </p><p> </p><p>Spoke with our pediatrician, outlined the general concerns & symptoms. I have been very concerned about the recent spate of tantrums, emotions, meanness, especially directed at his mom. I've never been particularly concerned about his overall 'passions'/quirkiness, figuring he is who he is. My conversation with the pediatrician was almost comical... His concern was the other way around. Regarding the recent emotions, his initial take based on our 20 minute conversation was that we have a teenager on our hands... <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/surprise.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":surprise:" title="surprise :surprise:" data-shortname=":surprise:" /> It was the 'passions' & sometimes extreme social awkwardness that concerned him a lot more, as they might be indicative of something that needs to be looked into. </p><p> </p><p>He gave me 4 references, I made all 4 calls. Two aren't taking more patients. The third seemed younger, crisper, more scientific, but wasn't on our health plan. The fourth seemed more like a kindly old uncle, was very spacey (kept losing my phone number & couldn't call me back), however, seemed very experienced & empathetic. Plus, he was on our plan, so visits will be a minor co-pay, oh, two orders of magnitude cheaper than the other... I guess I can handle a kindly old uncle. We're going to hook up next week. That's assuming he doesn't lose my phone number again... <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/ashamed.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":ashamed:" title="ashamed :ashamed:" data-shortname=":ashamed:" /></p><p> </p><p>Things have improved dramatically since the watershed conference with his teachers that started this thread. Teachers report he's more like his old self in class. He's cut his mom a lot more slack at home. He's thrown a couple of very short tantrums when I've laid down the law over basic things like homework completion. </p><p> </p><p>I've had a fair amount of conflict with my wife, over a few things. She doesn't buy there might be an underlying psychiatric issue; I think she feels if we keep pushing him hard, he'll straighten up. She continuously yells/bickers at difficult child. Why isn't he going for extra credit at school? Why is the quality of homework/projects so horrible? Why is he lying on the couch, when he could be reading his book. Frankly, this tone freaks everyone out, including difficult child's kid brother. And just contributes to difficult child's simply ignoring his mom; disrespects her. </p><p> </p><p>I've been trying to focus on a couple of things. First, focus on schoolwork completion, not necessarily quality. An important step in getting things back on track - he'd been defiantly hiding homework, progress reports, assignments, etc. In other words, pick our battles. Hard to argue over quality when things weren't being done. When my wife starts raising her voice, though it's usually for something understandable, I've had to ask her to just plain STOP, once quite forcefully. Third, firm, long-term consequences to show difficult child we're serious. He loves using the laptop; it's been off limits for weeks for treating his mom with disrespect, and I think he's getting the point... Couple of tantrum-ettes over that, but I think he gets the point. </p><p> </p><p>I've been cutting out of work early to head home & be there to keep the peace. Very difficult in my job, but some things are more important than others... </p><p> </p><p>House is a lot more peaceful. At least schoolwork is getting done, which is a major improvement. Conflict between mom & difficult child seems reduced. </p><p> </p><p>We've gone from feeling like we were living outtakes form "The Exorcist" <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/devil2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":devil2:" title="devil2 :devil2:" data-shortname=":devil2:" /> to feeling like extremely normal parents of a teenager. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/faint.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":faint:" title="faint :faint:" data-shortname=":faint:" /></p><p> </p><p>Of course I'm pursuing the psychiatrist. I'm very concerned things will trend poorly as we go through the transition to high school next year, which I know will be a major problem. He cannot make it to his school of choice, and that will be a major blow (though probably a blessing in disguise, he deeply desires the 'elite' school, which looks like a recipe for disaster...). Wherever he goes, he will know very, very few kids there, & will, hopefully, be his quirky goofy self... It's going to be a hard transition no matter what happens.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="shawnb, post: 314404, member: 8232"] An update... Spoke with our pediatrician, outlined the general concerns & symptoms. I have been very concerned about the recent spate of tantrums, emotions, meanness, especially directed at his mom. I've never been particularly concerned about his overall 'passions'/quirkiness, figuring he is who he is. My conversation with the pediatrician was almost comical... His concern was the other way around. Regarding the recent emotions, his initial take based on our 20 minute conversation was that we have a teenager on our hands... :surprised1: It was the 'passions' & sometimes extreme social awkwardness that concerned him a lot more, as they might be indicative of something that needs to be looked into. He gave me 4 references, I made all 4 calls. Two aren't taking more patients. The third seemed younger, crisper, more scientific, but wasn't on our health plan. The fourth seemed more like a kindly old uncle, was very spacey (kept losing my phone number & couldn't call me back), however, seemed very experienced & empathetic. Plus, he was on our plan, so visits will be a minor co-pay, oh, two orders of magnitude cheaper than the other... I guess I can handle a kindly old uncle. We're going to hook up next week. That's assuming he doesn't lose my phone number again... :ashamed: Things have improved dramatically since the watershed conference with his teachers that started this thread. Teachers report he's more like his old self in class. He's cut his mom a lot more slack at home. He's thrown a couple of very short tantrums when I've laid down the law over basic things like homework completion. I've had a fair amount of conflict with my wife, over a few things. She doesn't buy there might be an underlying psychiatric issue; I think she feels if we keep pushing him hard, he'll straighten up. She continuously yells/bickers at difficult child. Why isn't he going for extra credit at school? Why is the quality of homework/projects so horrible? Why is he lying on the couch, when he could be reading his book. Frankly, this tone freaks everyone out, including difficult child's kid brother. And just contributes to difficult child's simply ignoring his mom; disrespects her. I've been trying to focus on a couple of things. First, focus on schoolwork completion, not necessarily quality. An important step in getting things back on track - he'd been defiantly hiding homework, progress reports, assignments, etc. In other words, pick our battles. Hard to argue over quality when things weren't being done. When my wife starts raising her voice, though it's usually for something understandable, I've had to ask her to just plain STOP, once quite forcefully. Third, firm, long-term consequences to show difficult child we're serious. He loves using the laptop; it's been off limits for weeks for treating his mom with disrespect, and I think he's getting the point... Couple of tantrum-ettes over that, but I think he gets the point. I've been cutting out of work early to head home & be there to keep the peace. Very difficult in my job, but some things are more important than others... House is a lot more peaceful. At least schoolwork is getting done, which is a major improvement. Conflict between mom & difficult child seems reduced. We've gone from feeling like we were living outtakes form "The Exorcist" :devil2: to feeling like extremely normal parents of a teenager. :knockedout: Of course I'm pursuing the psychiatrist. I'm very concerned things will trend poorly as we go through the transition to high school next year, which I know will be a major problem. He cannot make it to his school of choice, and that will be a major blow (though probably a blessing in disguise, he deeply desires the 'elite' school, which looks like a recipe for disaster...). Wherever he goes, he will know very, very few kids there, & will, hopefully, be his quirky goofy self... It's going to be a hard transition no matter what happens. [/QUOTE]
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