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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 574845" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Im crossing fingers they both keep up things in the right direction. Regarding helping and not enabling, this is just one persons opinion (I don't judge anybody who feels different, just to be clear). I don't see what you're doing as enabling. I think help is a mothering thing and in right circumstances and done right is a good thing. I also totally get wishing you could do more to help for housing. Here's how I see it, these two are FRESH at making promises to change, do right, etc. They soon will NEED to productive, healthy, independent adults in order to raise a baby. In all of seven months. Every thing that they must work for and at right now only serves to help them and get them ready for the world they are embarking to. Also, not to be a naysayer (I totally hope they both are truly clean and stay that way!) but they are addicts. Wishing to change and desire to change unfortunately doesn't change the addicts in them. And right now, as with all addicts attempting to get clean, they are at the beginning of a journey rife with high risks. I really pray they both meet this challenge together and have awesome lives. They deserve it as does their coming child. I personally think that a one time (key: one time) offer of help for one week lodging is not enabling. Beyond that, these two really NEED to be left to their collective devices to sort out their stuff. I'm sure absolutely you are right that your difficult child really wants her own place. Who wouldn't right? The fact remains, she is homeless because she is an addict who just recently was delusional or something about crazy stories of being hunted. That is the cause of her being currently homeless. Her boyfriend has his own set of similar stories, including just recently being let out of jail for living the same crazy life. These two NEED to deal with themselves. Not because they don't deserve everything they dream of, but because reality is people work hard to do and get those dreams to come true. And with doing it themselves, comes the pride recovering addicts (especially in the early stages) NEED to give them confidence that is long lost, and faith in THEMSELVES. Beyond what you just offered, I wouldn't offer or agree if asked, to anything other than medical stuff, prenatal vitamins, and perhaps a small help of healthy food for your difficult child, not her entire grocery budget but a little help. And if they take months to get themselves into their own place, they will be that much prouder when they get it. And they will be that many more months clean and sober. Which in turn becomes a chance for family to then maybe increase in small increments what help is given. I really am a firm believer that those that fight themselves to drag themselves out of their own messes, tend to be much more likely to not fall back into bad old patterns. And their child needs them both to have that chance to prove it now, to do it now, and to be confident and proud parents ready for their child when the birth comes. </p><p></p><p>On that note, the birth note, a baby is always a blessing and I have neglected to say congrats! I'm going to just BELIEVE that your difficult child is going to make this all work, pick herself up, and be so on track for this baby that both their lives are going to be rich in goodness.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 574845, member: 4264"] Im crossing fingers they both keep up things in the right direction. Regarding helping and not enabling, this is just one persons opinion (I don't judge anybody who feels different, just to be clear). I don't see what you're doing as enabling. I think help is a mothering thing and in right circumstances and done right is a good thing. I also totally get wishing you could do more to help for housing. Here's how I see it, these two are FRESH at making promises to change, do right, etc. They soon will NEED to productive, healthy, independent adults in order to raise a baby. In all of seven months. Every thing that they must work for and at right now only serves to help them and get them ready for the world they are embarking to. Also, not to be a naysayer (I totally hope they both are truly clean and stay that way!) but they are addicts. Wishing to change and desire to change unfortunately doesn't change the addicts in them. And right now, as with all addicts attempting to get clean, they are at the beginning of a journey rife with high risks. I really pray they both meet this challenge together and have awesome lives. They deserve it as does their coming child. I personally think that a one time (key: one time) offer of help for one week lodging is not enabling. Beyond that, these two really NEED to be left to their collective devices to sort out their stuff. I'm sure absolutely you are right that your difficult child really wants her own place. Who wouldn't right? The fact remains, she is homeless because she is an addict who just recently was delusional or something about crazy stories of being hunted. That is the cause of her being currently homeless. Her boyfriend has his own set of similar stories, including just recently being let out of jail for living the same crazy life. These two NEED to deal with themselves. Not because they don't deserve everything they dream of, but because reality is people work hard to do and get those dreams to come true. And with doing it themselves, comes the pride recovering addicts (especially in the early stages) NEED to give them confidence that is long lost, and faith in THEMSELVES. Beyond what you just offered, I wouldn't offer or agree if asked, to anything other than medical stuff, prenatal vitamins, and perhaps a small help of healthy food for your difficult child, not her entire grocery budget but a little help. And if they take months to get themselves into their own place, they will be that much prouder when they get it. And they will be that many more months clean and sober. Which in turn becomes a chance for family to then maybe increase in small increments what help is given. I really am a firm believer that those that fight themselves to drag themselves out of their own messes, tend to be much more likely to not fall back into bad old patterns. And their child needs them both to have that chance to prove it now, to do it now, and to be confident and proud parents ready for their child when the birth comes. On that note, the birth note, a baby is always a blessing and I have neglected to say congrats! I'm going to just BELIEVE that your difficult child is going to make this all work, pick herself up, and be so on track for this baby that both their lives are going to be rich in goodness. [/QUOTE]
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