Well, I am back. In a post a while back I was saying how good difficult child was doing. That has still been true as far as drugs go, but his relationship with this girl who lives clear across the United States is toxic. He and his girlfriend headed back to where she is from. I mentioned before that he has some mental health issues, depression, anxiety etc. He was getting help here from the VA, but when he left, he was too far away from a VA. It has been a terrible road for him and for my family. He was only there for about a week the first time, when he started calling and was so depressed, that I told him to go to the hospital, because he was so far from me. He did this every single day. He said that he wanted to come home, so we sent him a plane ticket. He was home for 3 days when he wanted to go back again. Again we bought him the ticket. He was there for 4 days and the calls continued, I felt hopeless because I didn't know what I could do for him being so far away. I got a phone call from a VA man at a center where you go to get help to find a job, he said flat out: You have to get your son home or something terrible will happen. I said what is going on, but he only said that he could not say, but that the relationship that he is in is dangerous. I called my son and said that I was sending him a ticket and that he had to come home to get help. When he arrived, I knew what was going on, he had several cuts on his arm and the really bad one had tons of stitches. I asked him why he did that to himself and he said that it was a terrible mistake, he realizes it now. He was here this time for 2 weeks, when he had to leave again. This time he only lasted a couple of days, when he called and begged us to come and get him. He had driven his car back the last time, because he said that he would feel better if he had a car there so he could look for work and stuff. My husband took a flight that next morning. Got there and took him to a big city VA hospital. Both psychiatrists wanted him to check in for a while so that they could try to figure out a medication that would help him and also do therapy. He said no. He didn't want to stay at the hospital, so they scheduled an appointment at another VA medical center that was closer to where he was living. He talked to several different therapists there and they agreed with the psychiatrists that he needed to go home, put this relationship on hold for a long time to take a break from it and get help surrounded by his family who will support him. My son said yes, so he and my husband drove his car back to where we live, it took them 4 days! My husband had taken the time off from our company to do this for our son because all we want is him to get help. I called the therapist and psychiatrists that he had here from the VA all the previous times that he was here. They were having some kind of changes and said that they would not have any open appointments for 2 months. I took him there the next day, on an emergency basis so that he could see anybody to get some medications. They started him on some medications, and said that it would take a week to really know if these would work. Well, he was here for 1-1/2 weeks and had to go back again. This time I told him that I can't do this anymore, it is just too painful. I refused to give him money to get back there on, so he borrowed the money from his friend and he will be catching a plane tomorrow morning.
The having to go back part is because he says that he loves her and she is due to have his baby late September and he doesn't want to miss the pregnancy and the birth. The problems are: The girl is 5 years older than him, she is divorced with 2 children already. She has some kind of hold on him. I don't know how to discribe it. She literally calls him, texts him, e-mails him all day long when he is here. Making him feel bad. She says that if he loved her, he would be there and not here. Finally when our son told her that the therapist said for him to take a break from the relationship, she got even more mad. Several of the days that he was home this last time, she called him crying and telling him that her water broke and she is in labor. I told him that there is nothing that he can do from here so she needed to get herself to the hospital. All of the times, it was a false alarm according to the doctors (my son called and talked to the doctor while she was there). The last time was last night, she called and said that this time it was for real. She didn't go to the hospital last night, but he told her to go when he talked to her this morning. That is when he decided that he better get back there and bought the ticket. Again, the doctor said it was a false alarm. I don't know what she said to him last night or today, but he said he had to go.
My problem is that I know that he has mental health issues, I want him to get better, but I can't keep doing this. I am literally crying every day. I was told by our pastor that I am enabling him by keep buying the tickets for him to go back and forth. That is why this time I said no. He went over to spend the night at his friends house so that he could drive him to the airport in the morning. I haven't been able to stop crying since this morning. I don't know how to let go of somebody that needs my help. I had a terrible time doing this when he was on drugs, but finally it got so bad that I kicked him out of the house, finally he got himself into his third rehab and got better and has not taken drugs since. We actually had some good talks this last time that he was home. He said that he wishes things had been different and that he had never tried drugs, he said that he knows that he ruined his life and ours and was very sorry.
How do I let go now? All I want is for him to be well and happy, whether that is in our state or wherever he goes. How will that ever happen as long as he is with this (witch), sorry but that is the only word for her. She won't let go of him and somehow he feels that if he doesn't stay with her he'll be alone for the rest of his life. That is absurd, because he is handsome and kind young man.
Thanks for listening, sorry it is so long, I could have taken up an entire book telling about all of the horrible e-mails that she sent me etc.
The having to go back part is because he says that he loves her and she is due to have his baby late September and he doesn't want to miss the pregnancy and the birth. The problems are: The girl is 5 years older than him, she is divorced with 2 children already. She has some kind of hold on him. I don't know how to discribe it. She literally calls him, texts him, e-mails him all day long when he is here. Making him feel bad. She says that if he loved her, he would be there and not here. Finally when our son told her that the therapist said for him to take a break from the relationship, she got even more mad. Several of the days that he was home this last time, she called him crying and telling him that her water broke and she is in labor. I told him that there is nothing that he can do from here so she needed to get herself to the hospital. All of the times, it was a false alarm according to the doctors (my son called and talked to the doctor while she was there). The last time was last night, she called and said that this time it was for real. She didn't go to the hospital last night, but he told her to go when he talked to her this morning. That is when he decided that he better get back there and bought the ticket. Again, the doctor said it was a false alarm. I don't know what she said to him last night or today, but he said he had to go.
My problem is that I know that he has mental health issues, I want him to get better, but I can't keep doing this. I am literally crying every day. I was told by our pastor that I am enabling him by keep buying the tickets for him to go back and forth. That is why this time I said no. He went over to spend the night at his friends house so that he could drive him to the airport in the morning. I haven't been able to stop crying since this morning. I don't know how to let go of somebody that needs my help. I had a terrible time doing this when he was on drugs, but finally it got so bad that I kicked him out of the house, finally he got himself into his third rehab and got better and has not taken drugs since. We actually had some good talks this last time that he was home. He said that he wishes things had been different and that he had never tried drugs, he said that he knows that he ruined his life and ours and was very sorry.
How do I let go now? All I want is for him to be well and happy, whether that is in our state or wherever he goes. How will that ever happen as long as he is with this (witch), sorry but that is the only word for her. She won't let go of him and somehow he feels that if he doesn't stay with her he'll be alone for the rest of his life. That is absurd, because he is handsome and kind young man.
Thanks for listening, sorry it is so long, I could have taken up an entire book telling about all of the horrible e-mails that she sent me etc.
. I went to the psychiatrist and got Lexapro to help me. The Rx made me feel almost like my old stable self after a couple of weeks and I no longer had a problem crying and pacing instead of sleeping.
