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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 359219" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so glad you and your wife were able to have a great weekend. Try to make every time you don't have your stepdau a time to reconnect with your wife.</p><p></p><p>My bro married a woman with two teenage sons. He is very much a difficult child and it is his way or a big scene in about every facet of his life. I told him he had to change to keep the marriage. I told her it wouldn't work because they didn't know each other well enough and were waaaaaayy to different on basic values. I listened to her sons talk about life when their parents were married, which was horrible because both parents are alcoholics and sister in law was also addicted to narcotics and sex with every man she could get the pants off. They told awful stories about things she had done. </p><p></p><p>My bro went into the marriage with the attitude that the boys were going to have to shape up to HIS expectations. He only got married because they were pregnant. She got preg on purpose because he didn't want to date her anymore. The boys were pretty spoiled, used to a lifestyle fueled by two parents with professional jobs who racked up tons and tons and tons of credit card debt. My bro is tighter than anyone I have ever known except when it comes to the tools he hoards. </p><p></p><p>You cannot FIX your stepdau. At this point you need to leave ALL discipline up to her mom. You have to be there supporting her mom, but NOT telling her she has to do what you want. No lectures, no chore lists FROM YOU. There are some pretty good books out there about how to be a stepdad to a teen. Most of them recommend this, esp with a difficult child. Now of course if you see something that is going to hurt her, or someone else, or she is violent with you or anyone else you have to deal with that, to get her to stop. But consequences MUST come from mom. ONLY from mom. </p><p></p><p>It will be HARD. You would probably benefit greatly from Families Anonymous or a parenting class aimed at step parents. While I KNOW you are not violent and probably helped mom stop being an angry screaming parent, the family might benefit if you and mom took a parenting class from the local domestic violence center or parent resource center. Our DV center runs a parent resource center that has great parenting classes, support groups for parents who have been abusive and want to change or want to keep on the right track if they have already made big changes. It is an excellent support for all parents. You may want to call around and see if there is something like that in your area.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to our forum!! It is always great to have dads join us, and esp stepdads. You have taken on a big task parenting stepkids. Kudos for reaching out for ways to do it right!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 359219, member: 1233"] I am so glad you and your wife were able to have a great weekend. Try to make every time you don't have your stepdau a time to reconnect with your wife. My bro married a woman with two teenage sons. He is very much a difficult child and it is his way or a big scene in about every facet of his life. I told him he had to change to keep the marriage. I told her it wouldn't work because they didn't know each other well enough and were waaaaaayy to different on basic values. I listened to her sons talk about life when their parents were married, which was horrible because both parents are alcoholics and sister in law was also addicted to narcotics and sex with every man she could get the pants off. They told awful stories about things she had done. My bro went into the marriage with the attitude that the boys were going to have to shape up to HIS expectations. He only got married because they were pregnant. She got preg on purpose because he didn't want to date her anymore. The boys were pretty spoiled, used to a lifestyle fueled by two parents with professional jobs who racked up tons and tons and tons of credit card debt. My bro is tighter than anyone I have ever known except when it comes to the tools he hoards. You cannot FIX your stepdau. At this point you need to leave ALL discipline up to her mom. You have to be there supporting her mom, but NOT telling her she has to do what you want. No lectures, no chore lists FROM YOU. There are some pretty good books out there about how to be a stepdad to a teen. Most of them recommend this, esp with a difficult child. Now of course if you see something that is going to hurt her, or someone else, or she is violent with you or anyone else you have to deal with that, to get her to stop. But consequences MUST come from mom. ONLY from mom. It will be HARD. You would probably benefit greatly from Families Anonymous or a parenting class aimed at step parents. While I KNOW you are not violent and probably helped mom stop being an angry screaming parent, the family might benefit if you and mom took a parenting class from the local domestic violence center or parent resource center. Our DV center runs a parent resource center that has great parenting classes, support groups for parents who have been abusive and want to change or want to keep on the right track if they have already made big changes. It is an excellent support for all parents. You may want to call around and see if there is something like that in your area. Welcome to our forum!! It is always great to have dads join us, and esp stepdads. You have taken on a big task parenting stepkids. Kudos for reaching out for ways to do it right! [/QUOTE]
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