not sure ODD child?

[exhaustedmum]

i am new to this forum and looking for input and support. i am sooo tired of dealing with my 6 year old son that i don't even want to be around him most days. his explosive behavior disrupts the whole family and our everyday life! my husband and i are at the point that we go places seperatly with 1 or more children but rarely all 3 together because of son's behavior.
i've looked up some websites on ODD and i've checked off the whole checklist on my son! that is sooo my son to a t! the only thing is his behavior at school is fine. we haven't had any problems as of yet. i plan on making an appointment with my family dr. to get things started but my husband isn't fully convinced anything is wrong with him.
any advice?

 

[Marguerite]

G'day, Julie. Welcome to the site.

A lot of parents here find their child meets the criteria for ODD, but a lot of other conditions also would give you a match. If you also go through the ODD criteria with a frustrated, angry child in mind, you would get the same good fit.

Why would your child be frustrated and angry? There can be many reasons. Often a child with an underlying disorder (it cold be one of a number) will develop the appearance of ODD purely because the usual discipline methods (ones that work like a charm for most kids) will actually aggravate problems in others.

For a better understanding of this, and to give you some peace of mind as well as some practical ways to cope, read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene.

You have identified problems in your child, even if you haven't yet got a diagnosis. If you are already finding that you can't go anywhere as a complete family, then clearly this isn't just a casual problem of parents not coping. You can cope with the younger ones, why can't you cope with your oldest son?

In other words, I believe you are right to be concerned. I would recommend you try to find a good neuropsychologist and get him assessed, with a view to trying to find what is going on. ODD rarely travels alone. If you can treat the underlying problems and also follow a different management technique, you can make a huge difference in this child and in your lives.

Stick around, read up on other posts (including the archives) and keep us posted on how you get on.

Marg

 

[Red Chief]

My daughter was diagnosed with ODD at 6, and the diagnosis was just recently re-confirmed. One thing that I notice with her is that she only shows her "evil" side with people she is really familiar with, unless she is going through an unstable period (like she is now). That is because she really knows how to push our buttons, but some of the teachers not so much. She certainly had issues in school, but not with anger and such until last year, when she finally started showing everyone that side of her.

I would definitely follow Marguerite's advice & get things checked out. She is right about ODD not traveling alone. My daughter was diagnosed with ODD along with a math & spelling disorder but not ADD/ADHD. The doctor we were seeing at the time didn't recommend any drugs for the ODD, just therapy. Although things were relatively stable at school, things were getting worse at home. Finally, when she was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and put on drugs, things got better for a while. (Still working on serious issues though).

Just remember, you are not alone!

 

[Alttlgabby]

i am new to this forum and looking for input and support. i am sooo tired of dealing with my 6 year old son that i don't even want to be around him most days. his explosive behavior disrupts the whole family and our everyday life! my husband and i are at the point that we go places seperatly with 1 or more children but rarely all 3 together because of son's behavior.
i've looked up some websites on ODD and i've checked off the whole checklist on my son! that is sooo my son to a t! the only thing is his behavior at school is fine. we haven't had any problems as of yet. i plan on making an appointment with my family dr. to get things started but my husband isn't fully convinced anything is wrong with him.
any advice?


No problems with daughter at school either, yet at home she exhibits the signs of ODD. She takes Ritalin for ADHD, Paxel for anxiety and such, and has just started Abilify which I may discuss upping with her psychiatrist because the last two weeks it seems she is soooo much more defiant! She doesn't have any type of anger issues here or at school.. she is on shut down most of the time, but seems to do everything she is instructed not to do.. even with a list of things to do and not to do. I would see about getting him for an evaluation. Your husband is most likely in denial of the things going on because he most likely doesn't see it all. Good luck!

 

[slsh]

Hi Julie and welcome.

Boy, the separate family outings sure do sound familiar. It finally got to the point where the only place I took difficult child was to psychiatrist/therapist, and even then it was challenging.

I would also recommend "The Explosive Child". I'm not a fan of self-help books with this one exception. Dr. Greene really helps you prioritize things.

I think it's reasonable to have a neuropsychologist evaluation. Bottom line, your son's behaviors are impacting your family's quality of life. Seeking out possible solutions is not going to be a bad thing.

You also need to remember to take care of yourself. I remember all too well those days when I thought I would just implode if I had to deal with- one more of my son's behaviors. Tag-team parenting is essential. Take an afternoon off, frequently. Doesn't have to be a big production - for me, just walking through a mall or browsing in a bookstore was enough to refuel my soul for the next go-round with- my son. Or a bubble bath, candles, wine, and good book. Whatever it is that rejuvenates you, you really need to make the time to do it.

Again - welcome and I'm so glad you found us!