Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
not sure what to do anymore, newbie here
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 635221" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Never ever let your difficult child come between you and your other, kind beloved family and friends and yourself. What on earth is she doing that would make you totally throw so much energy into her that nobody else mattered to you, including yourself?</p><p></p><p>Since 50% of all marriages end in divorce, you are far from alone in being a single parent and most adult children do not turn out to be like your daughter in spite of suffering some hard times. Very few kids have a Brady Bunch childhood. Many go through worse than your daughter. difficult children love to guilt us so that they can soften us up and make us feel bad. They want something from us...money or a toy or something for nothing as they are very child like and don't want to grow up. In my opinion, we have to force adulthood on them. This probably will require that you decide how often you want to talk to your daughter and limit it, and maybe set a boundary as far as how she can address you and what topics you can talk about.</p><p></p><p>I have this kind of deal with my adult son who is a real PITA. These are the phone rules because he can be verbally violent and abusive.</p><p></p><p>1. If he doesn't address me in a tone of respect, as I do him, I hang up gently.</p><p></p><p>2. If he raises his voice in anger at me, I hang up. Telling me he is angry in a reasonable way without silly, false accusations is ok, but anything fabricated or mean-spirted and....."see ya later."</p><p></p><p>3. He can not ask for money, a toy, or anything. He can tell me about his day, vent, ask me about my day (he never does), or just chit chat. But if he asks for anything, *click.*</p><p></p><p>4. If he calls me a name, especially a really nasty name, such as dumb b**** or that lovely female part name, *click.* </p><p></p><p>I won't answer for a few days if he violates this rule. Is he ten years old, you ask? No, he is 36. Has this worked? I'm shocked at how well it has worked. In my son's case, he is very attached to me and needs to talk to me so he has reluctatnly and, after seeing that I won't back down, started usually (not always) being pleasant to me over our main form of contact, the phone. </p><p></p><p>We need to be healthy and happy for our other loved ones and also, very importantly, for ourselves. We need to learn ways to take care of ourselves and to nurture ourselves. It is unhealthy to let one person suck all the oxygen out of your world (or my world). </p><p></p><p>You should never fear losing your husband or other two children. Don't allow it to happen. </p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. Happy to "meet" you...but sorry you had to come here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 635221, member: 1550"] Never ever let your difficult child come between you and your other, kind beloved family and friends and yourself. What on earth is she doing that would make you totally throw so much energy into her that nobody else mattered to you, including yourself? Since 50% of all marriages end in divorce, you are far from alone in being a single parent and most adult children do not turn out to be like your daughter in spite of suffering some hard times. Very few kids have a Brady Bunch childhood. Many go through worse than your daughter. difficult children love to guilt us so that they can soften us up and make us feel bad. They want something from us...money or a toy or something for nothing as they are very child like and don't want to grow up. In my opinion, we have to force adulthood on them. This probably will require that you decide how often you want to talk to your daughter and limit it, and maybe set a boundary as far as how she can address you and what topics you can talk about. I have this kind of deal with my adult son who is a real PITA. These are the phone rules because he can be verbally violent and abusive. 1. If he doesn't address me in a tone of respect, as I do him, I hang up gently. 2. If he raises his voice in anger at me, I hang up. Telling me he is angry in a reasonable way without silly, false accusations is ok, but anything fabricated or mean-spirted and....."see ya later." 3. He can not ask for money, a toy, or anything. He can tell me about his day, vent, ask me about my day (he never does), or just chit chat. But if he asks for anything, *click.* 4. If he calls me a name, especially a really nasty name, such as dumb b**** or that lovely female part name, *click.* I won't answer for a few days if he violates this rule. Is he ten years old, you ask? No, he is 36. Has this worked? I'm shocked at how well it has worked. In my son's case, he is very attached to me and needs to talk to me so he has reluctatnly and, after seeing that I won't back down, started usually (not always) being pleasant to me over our main form of contact, the phone. We need to be healthy and happy for our other loved ones and also, very importantly, for ourselves. We need to learn ways to take care of ourselves and to nurture ourselves. It is unhealthy to let one person suck all the oxygen out of your world (or my world). You should never fear losing your husband or other two children. Don't allow it to happen. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. Happy to "meet" you...but sorry you had to come here. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
not sure what to do anymore, newbie here
Top