Not sure what to do now

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by totiredtofight, Feb 17, 2011.

  1. totiredtofight

    totiredtofight New Member

    I am a stay at home mother of 3 difficult kids. my oldest who is 15 has ADHD/ODD,then my 9 year old and my 7 year old. Recently my 9 year old was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD, After a major outburst resulted in an ER visit she was placed in a behavioral Hospital last night , This morning i get a call from the staff there saying that she may have more that ADHD/ ODD she shows signs of also having CS
    i have tried everything i can think of to discipline my children .. Time out and star charts/ reward systems aren't working.. time out makes her more violent and she cant make a week without a "meltdown" , Grounding or taking things from her such as DS games, TV time doesn't affect her and i refuse to spank .. is there something I'm missing .. please reply if you have any ideas ... talking to's also trigger her "meltdowns" ... I'm not sure what to do now
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi and Welcome!! I'm glad to meet you but very sorry that you needed to find us. You will find a LOT of help here and no judging because we have truly been there done that with our kids.

    First of all, many of us do not believe that ODD is a separate disorder. A diagnosis (diagnosis) shoudl at least give you an idea of what direction to go for treatment. ODD offers nothing for treatment. It describes the behavior but that is all. With many, many of our kids the ODD disappears when the true problem is effectively treated. ODD is more a symptom than a disorder in my opinion.

    Second, I would guess that at least 90% of us had ADHD and ODD as the first diagnosis's our kids got. Then we learned in time that they were NOT the real problem. Other problems were creating behavior that looks like adhd, and adhd medications CAN help, but there is likely a larger problem that also needs a lot of help. As our kids grow, their symptoms change and we learn more about them and can give more accurate treatment. The real problem is that so many disorders create similar symptoms so there is no way to really know if something will work until you try it - esp if the child is young.

    It would be an excellent move to find a neuropsychologist (neuropsychologist) and have your difficult child fully tested. It will mean up to 12 hours of testing broken into shorter session of a few hours each (lenght of the testing sessions depends on the child's needs/abilities. If she cannot handle 3 hours of testing they will shorten it.

    Many of us have found that a neuropsychologist gives MUCH more accurate diagnosis than psychiatrists, therapists or other doctors. Even with the testing, she may need to be restested in a few years if/when her symptoms change.

    It is HARD to have your child in a psychiatric hospital. Don't beat yourself up because you cannot handle this in your home - our kids often need a LOT mroe than can be provided with-o help from experts, docs and hospitals. Use this time to rest and recover so that you are stronger when she comes home.

    many of us have gotten very good results from techniques in The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It is sort of our "bible" for raising difficult children. It may seem counter-intuitive, but it works anyway. Parenting with Love and Logic is also extremely helpful. It stressed logical consequences while working to strengthen the loving bond between parent and child. You can learn more about the book (sold in bookstores and also online) at the L&L website ( They have info on their various books and free things to read that can help parents and/or teachers.

    It is very very helpful to write a Parent Report about your child. years back some of the moms here created an outline to keep all the info, paperwork, etc... about a difficult child in one organized report. You can give school, docs, etc... any portion that you want them to know. It is very handy because you can show the docs what has and hasn't worked in the past and give a more complete description of the problem. You can find the Parent Report outline by using the link in my signature.

    One last tip is to try to record her rages one either video or audio so that you can show the docs what she is doing if/when she does her 'innocent me everyone is picking on me' routine. Cellphones with cameras are helpful for this, as are nannycams, mp3 players that record voices, etc...

    Others will be along soon with more info and questions in a little while. Welcome!
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Hello! :) I so very much understand what you are going through. I just horrified another mom when I told her that I never ground my kids or take things away from them. She has always felt I was a bad parent but that has pretty much cemented it for her because every other mom does and if I don't discipline like EVERYONE else than no wonder my child is he!! on wheels! (which believe me he is NOT! She just chooses to believe the lies her child is telling her but that is another problem.)

    I find what works best with my difficult kids is talking WITH (not "TO") them. Reviewing what happened. Let them talk about how they feel things went as they did. Use their input as a starting ground. Start with something like, "Well, this morning didn't go that well for us did it? Can we work together to figure out a schedule that will work for everyone?" or "I would like to hear what/how/why you think that happened." Then you can talk about each detail and how it could have proceeded differently.

    I feel with our difficult children that we have to be therapists more so than easy child parents do. So much more patience and thinking outside the box is required to figure out how to get the difficult child's to understand. difficult child's do not understand the intent of "normal" discpline. If the discipline does not connect to the action then it does no good for the most part. Finding a connection with difficult child's is near impossible at times. You want to keep the focus on the action, not on the discipline.

    I have also learned with my difficult child that he needs TIME - more time than I am usually think is needed - to mull things over and come to understand our conversation - time to accept what may be the right thing to do.

    So, try to talk "with". Start out very slowly. You may not get too far at first but it is important not to push this too hard, too fast or it will cause melt downs. Ease your kids into the new way of addressing their problems.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have a question. What is CS? My mind may be going dull here or maybe Im just blanking out but I cant for the life of me figure that one

    Compulsive something?

    Im just going to go on the major outbursts and the fact that she seems to have some sort of hyperactivity and defiant behaviors. This could be a lot of things. One classic thing could be bipolar. That would mean getting on the right medication regime would help her greatly. Normally stimulants dont help kids with bipolar unless they first have a mood stabilizer on board. Or two.

    Really talk to the doctors and the therapists and social workers at this hospital you have your dtr at. Pump them for all the information you can get. Ask them for referrals for outpatient help for when she is released. Try to squeeze as much help as you can get out of them because they wont keep her long so you really have to pester them to get as much testing done and as many resources on board as you can get. Get them to give you as many names of agencies in the community as they can think of and then start calling places for help. It will help. Oh...and start on the school to get an IEP going if you dont already have one.
  5. totiredtofight

    totiredtofight New Member

    lol was supposed to be CD ... She has had IEP since grade K along with shadows at school and a school based anger management class everyday ...for four years, when they call me because she is having a meltdown i try to explain that something isn't "normal" and i need help .. all they wanted to do was suspend or expel her .. until one anger management counselor (who has never seen a meltdown) used some personal favors with her co workers to get my child's file seen by a few tdocs

    I'm not looking for normal thats nothing more than a setting on a washing machine and I'm not looking for perfection because every child is different and complex I'm just looking for manageable ... just to get thru the day without the everyday meltdown
  6. totiredtofight

    totiredtofight New Member

    im so unsure of what will happen .. J difficult child 1 raged when he found out that his sister was away and i had no idea for how long .. i explained to him that they will only allow me to call V difficult child 2 once a day at a set time and tdocs were not able to tell me when she would be coming home ... since she has been admitted both difficult child 1 and easy child are either crying or mad at me and raging .. im starting to think that this was the wrong thing to do for the family .. today is the 5th day she has been gone they still dont know when she will be released or they arent telling me
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Try explaining to them that her brain is sick and that the doctors are trying to find out what is wrong so they can help her be better.

    Is she in a psychiatric hospital or an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)??
  8. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Do your other kids understand the your daughter is at a hospital so that she can get the help that she needs, or do they feel like you send her away because she was "bad"? That could explain why they are so angry right now. They might be afraid that they will be the next ones to go.

    I hope that they are able to help her. Is she currently taking any medications for the ADHD?

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    First off, they must truly be seeing something that NEEDS a lot of help because very very few phosps will keep a child for more than 1-3 days. I remember having to fight and threaten to sue the psychiatric hospital, doctor and every single person who interacted with him at the psychiatric hospital if my son hurt or killed himself when he came home. He was there because he wanted to kill either himself or me or my daughter who was in fourth grade at the time. He still only stayed for 3 days, but they did at least admit him. They had a nurse from a temp agency who was filling in because the entire state had a huge flu outbreak and she was great to me. Talked with me for over 2 hours one afternoon giving me ideas, resources and letting me know that the threat to sue would keep him there another day or so. She didn't have to worry about getting fired for saying the truth to a parent - which the permanent staff there had to deal with. She also let me know that zoloft, the antidepressant he was on a large dose of, did seem to cause increased aggression in many teen males. This is NOT in any written documentation - another mom on this forum and I had noticed it and talked about it. This nurse said that no doctor or drug co would admit it, but that she saw far more of it in teen males than in other patients - she saw a wide range of patients as she usually worked in various psychiatric wards around the state. She suggested that since prozac helped me a LOT (only AD that ever really helps me, though I haven't needed luvox but may try it soon) then my son might benefit from luvox. Luvox is a "cleaner" and stronger form of prozac - what the drug co eveloped so they would have the next step once the patent on prozac expired. Wiz is on luvox to this day and is doing amazing - not at all ODD or CD and his aspergers is very very much not a big problem. He is quirky, but gets on well in the "real world" but cannot handle life with us (lives with my parents about 15 min away from us.

    It is HARD HARD HARD to have a child in a psychiatric hospital, regardless of how difficult they are at home. Have you been able to visit her? They are NOT keeping her for fun, she is kept because something MAJOR is going on. Budgets and insurance co's are so tight that they CANNOT keep her unless she has REAL, MAJOR problems. Esp in this economy. PLEASE let her stay unless you see signs of abuse or something really wrong. This is her entire life that could be helped - and the life of the entire family also.

    I would demand to speak with someone on staff and find out what is going on, what they think the diagnosis's are and why, what testing they have done, etc.... While you can only speak to your difficult child at certain times, you should be able to speak to a staff member at ANY time. You should also have visitation at set times at least on weekends. I know how hard it is - wiz spent 4 months in a psychiatric hospital when he was 12 because I caught him strangling his little sister in her sleep in the middle of the night. It had been happening for months and she never said a word because he said he would kill her little brother and she knew he was really sick and didn't watn to get her big bro in trouble. It was, as I am sure you can imagine, a truly horrifying time for us. We could visit two evenings a week and on weekends, plus there was family therapy 1-2 times a week.

    Call and ask when they want to do family therapy - it should be a part of the picture before she comes home. Do you think it will be safe to bring her home, or will she be a danger to herself or others if she comes home now?

    Get the other kids to a therapist as soon as you can. If they have a reg therapist make sure that you talk about this with them and the therapist. Also call school and have the guidance counselor work with them. They are likely to be very scared that she won't come back, etc... When Wiz first left our home we had about 2 years where the other two kids were afraid I would kick them out if they did something wrong. We learned a lot about each other as we worked through that. I DID "kick out" my son by making the sheriff take him when he kept assaulting me. It was almost 18 mos after the long psychiatric hospital stay and he was just getting more and more violent when any demand or request was placed on him. I was terrified that he would go for one of his siblings again. Even worse was teh fear that he was going to kill me or hurt me seriously and then kill himself out of guilt. I know in my heart, 100%, that if he killed me or anyone he would then kill himself out of guilt - he has a very tender heart though you wouldn't have known it by his behavior back then. As it is I have nerve damage in my left hand from one of his rages when he was 11. to this day he will massage my hand and even kiss it if he thinks it is hurting me and he feels huge guilt. I don't blame him because I know he truly could not control himself at that time, but it has taken a lot of work to get him to not punish himself over it.

    Use this time as a chance to take a break (much as you can with 2 more difficult kids at home) and try to heal some.

    I want to suggest some books - available on many used book sites as well as amazon and in regular bookstores. The Explosive Child by Ross greene is sort of our bible here - it is all about collaborative problem solving which is very difficult from traditional parenting and often seems counter-intuitive but it WORKS. Also explore Love and Logic. Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Fay and Cline is an amazing resource for parents of teens. Parenting with Love and Logic is also excellent but aimed at parents with younger (non teen) kids. You can learn more about love and logic at their website - . The info on the site is hugely helpful, even the stuff written for teacher si worth reading. They also describe all of their books (and sell them) and most are available on audiobook also.

    These were the first books of any kind (the L&L books) that got my husband to work with me - before that he pretty much ignored my efforts because they didn't make any sense to him. It almost caused a divorce because I was so upset htat he couldn't and wouldn't follow through on ANYTHING as far as helping our child.

    You list the hospital as an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - these are usually long term placements and most of the time you have to fight super hard to get a placement for your child - the cost is enormous. Does the hosptial call thmeselves Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or do they just call themselves a psychiatric hospital? I notice you are in Alaska, so it may be hard to find other options if you need them. Because of this, give them some more time unless you see signs that she is actually being abused. Reassure the kids that the hospital is going to help her so that she can behave better and have a better life. I know this is hard, but it is clear that she needs some real, intensive help - they would NOT keep her if seh didn't, and they would get NO funding from insurance for this unless she truly needed it. before the economy crashed it was hard to get your child into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but was do-able. Now it is much much much harder and insurance companies (including medicaid) are incredibly reluctant to pay for it. I cannot stress enough how she likely needs much more help than seh can get at home.

    This is NOT NOT NOT NTO NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT YOUR FAULT. It is NOT a lack on your part that has her in a hospital - it is a need on HER part that could not be filled at home, and likely could not be handled in ANY home.

    There is probably a LOT more going on than adhd and/or odd. MOST of our kids start with those labels and thenwe start to find out what is realle wrong through later testing etc...

    My signature has a link in it that will take you to an archived thread about Parent Reports. A Parent Report is a document YOU write that tells all about your child. Some of the Warrior Moms came up with the outline years back and it is one of the most effective tools in a parent's arsenal. It will help you keep all the events and details and various therapies organized and let you communicate with the "experts" far more effectively. You can copy sections to give to the people who work with you so that they can have it all at hand rather than having to remember what you told them - they see lots of patients every day and can get confused (even if they don't admit it). Be sure to include a picture of your child - often people can link information to photos and then when they see the person or a photo of the person it can trigger memories. I even went so far as to put a photo of Wiz at the beginning of each section so that they had frequent reminders of who they were reading about. Of course the psychiatrist we had when I first did that got us confused with other families on a regular basis. I have not had that problem with any other doctor or therapist before or since him.

    You will want to create one for each child, but work on one for difficult child 2 first as it will help the staff while she is in there.

    Don't let them go much longer with-o setting up family therapy and letting you know what is going on. Squeaky wheels get greased - simple fact of life. Even if you dont' have the report fully completed, take what you have each time you go to see her and have it with you when you speak to them. You may or may not be able to get ahold of the psychiatrist on the phone. The long term psychiatric hospital my son was in had a psychiatrist who did NOT see family. Period. They did a weekly meeting about 6:30 or 7 am where the whole team met to talk about each patient. Parents were "allowed" to attend but strongly discouraged. I was told I was the first parent in all their years who actually attended more than 1 of these meetings. I drove the 90 minutes each way every single week - and when they moved the time to 5:30 with-o telling me I made them talk to me anyway - the psychiatrist was NOT happy but I could not have cared less. I brought muffins, cookies, banana bread and many other treats to the staff so they worked to let me know his little games. It also led to the staff listening a whole lot more to me because they could see how much we truly cared and wanted to do whatever was needed to help him. Sadly they had several patients in the psychiatric hospital (not just his ward) that had not seen a parent in months or even had a call from them. That is more what they were accustomed to and I was severe culture shock. Even more shocking - to them - I rounded up about 14 or 15 cassette players and headphones (walkman type) and brought a couple of hundred batteries and many many booktapes and classical music cassettes as a donation to the hospital. They had a few old walkmans but never had enough batteries for them, or headphones. they wanted to use these as rewards and calming tools - soothing music, stories, etc... - but couldn't. We were doing a massive cleanout plus I volunteered at 2 thrift stores and have done a LOT of donation finding for different groups. I also weeded our games and books and donated boxes and boxes of those. It was kissing up, but I wanted my child to have whatever he needed - these things worked for him. I didn't think it was fair to bring these things for him when none of the kids had them. It was a way to help them see how we were dedicated to him and watned him to have whatever he needed.

    You don't have to go to that extreme. but it can help to do whatever you can for them. It will also help them realize that any lies she tells them ARE lies. Wiz is an excellent liar, as are many difficult children, and being this involved helped them to see how untrue his lies were.

    I really hope that they can help your child. Neuropsychs are neuropsychologists - psychologist with special training in how the brain works and how this impacts behavior. They often do a LOT of intense testing and can be amazing resources. Complete testing can take 12 or more hours depending on what is needed. You want them to identify everything they can - including learning disorders, auditory processing disorders, speech-language issues, etc.... Also push them to do an EEG. This will take a pediatric neurologist but is a crucial step, in my opinion. Seizures can manifest in MANY forms, not just the ones we see in movies and on tv. My Jess has Absence Epilepsy but was actually first diagnosis'd with inattentive adhd - which she does NOT have. Her seizures are totally unnoticeable. She simply isn't "home" and has no idea what is going on for up to a minute at a time. When it was first diagnosed she was missing at least 30 of every 60 seconds - literally half of her life. medications helped a ton and the change was startling. Seizures can cause all sorts of behavior and a sleep deprived EEG (test for brain waves) is the best way to find out if she is having them. Seizure disorders CAN look like psychiatric disorders, but with-o antiseizure medications no psychiatric treatment will help. (Doesn't that sound frustrating? It is!).

    I hope that they are able to figure things out, find the right medications and therapies to help her, and also help the rest of the family. I am so very sorry you are having to deal with all of this, but am glad you joined us.

  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Also ask them for an assistive technology evaluation and an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation. Occupational Therapist (OT) (occupational therapy) will identify sensory issues (can cause HUGE problems but can also be helped and cause dramatic improvement) and problems with physical tasks that impact school and life. School willhave Occupational Therapist (OT)'s but will only evaluation for how Occupational Therapist (OT) issues impact academic life - not her entire life. So a private Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation is an excellent tool. Assistive tech means looking for ways technology can help her with her problems. If she has problems with writing etc... school can provide a specialized laptop for her to use - at no charge to you. Many kids do much better with one and they make special laptops that the kids cannot load games, etc... on and that are super durable. Alphasmart was the brand my difficult child used and it was a godsend. the improvement of his school work was unbelievable (writing was very painful for him so he wrote less than the bare minimum). You can google alphasmart to see the current versions.

    These are things that can help your other children as well.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is fairly typical for the sibs to act out when one of the others goes away.

    Either they are scared that they will get sent off too or they think that the sibling got to go somewhere fun, so they try to act up to get to go too.

    When my youngest was sent to a wilderness camp at 11 years old, we thought he would be so upset and crying his eyes out when we left him...ha! He was happy as a lamb as we waved good-bye. Meanwhile his 13 year old brother was having a meltdown the size of texas in the car. You would have thought we were beating the tar out of him the way he was carrying on! He was so jealous. He didnt calm down and act his normal teen self until his brother was gone about a month. Then he figured out he wouldnt want to be gone that long from home. He thought, in that little pea brain of his, that his misbehaving brother was getting a reward by getting sent to camp. Well he kind of was except this wasnt your normal summer
  12. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Since she went in last night it really is too soon to know how long this may be. The facility needs a day or so to observe her to properly diagnose her and come up with a treatment plan.

    You can however ask for daily updates and information on the daily schedule and how they are dealing with any behaviors.

    My difficult child was admitted for two weeks when he was 11 years old for deep anxiety. He was having serious self harm thoughts that he was fighting. He was unable to fight them himself any longer and some thoughts such as jumping from a 3rd floor balcony at the Mall of America or opening a car door and jumping while I was driving 70 mph on the freeway could have led to death. He was super scared.

    While he was hospitalized, he learned so many tools to combat his anxiety. He told me that what he hated most about being at the hospital was that I didn't get to watch him grow up. He could just feel the control he was gaining back.

    Your other kids are scared and like almost every other kid, often times fear shows itself as anger. They don't understand. Calmly repeat to them over and over that this is a way of helping her. I am sure that sibling visitations can be added in once the facility feels she is ready to see her siblings again. Ask the facility for a treatment plan that will include interactions with the siblings. Ask if there is someone there that can talk with the siblings now about what is happening to their sister - a family meeting this week.

    I love your statement, "I'm not looking for normal thats nothing more than a setting on a washing machine and I'm not looking for perfection because every child is different and complex I'm just looking for manageable ... just to get thru the day without the everyday meltdown." That pretty much sums it up for most all of us with difficult children.

    Oh, and when it is time for a day pass, ask for sure what that means. I mistakenly thought it meant I could only take him off grounds during visiting hours and missed out on an entire free day with him because no one told me it was for the entire day! :( (But then again, maybe I am the only one who would think like that? I heard "PASS" and wasn't listening to "DAY")
  13. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I was going to add that many kids thrive on the tight structure of the phosps. It may be difficult for her to leave that environment when she does return home. My difficult child on the first night home stated he missed the psychiatric hospital so I had him follow the bedtime schedule that the psychiatric hospital had for awhile. That helped a lot. They come to find comfort and strength in knowing what will be coming up next in a tight routine. It was like he needed my permission to continue to follow what had come to help him at night time.
  14. totiredtofight

    totiredtofight New Member

    tonight was the 5th night there i made the 7 hour round trip to see her for 45 min. none of the staff would talk to me about her they said i would have to call the therapist in the morning... which really sucks for me .. she had a bruise on her forehead that wasn't there when they shipped her up along with a red mark on her neck and a sore on her jaw ... she said the one on the forehead was from her banging her head on the door wanting out .. shes never done anything like that before she also told me she learned how to pick the lock on the window in her room ...... the place she is in is both a psychiatric hospital and a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) ... only place in the state... as for difficult child 1 and easy child .. well difficult child 1 thinks he knows it all and everything is my fault and easy child marched into the school psychiatrist's office saying she needed help for her anger and friendships .. currently they are all in therapy .. psychiatric hospital / Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is still saying av.stay is 30 days
  15. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    O.K. I had just read your 1st post - I thought I had double checked the date but must have read it wrong.

    You are correct to be concerned that after 5 days the facility is not giving you any info. The staff should have also been able to let you know the reasoning behind the bruises you are seeing.

    I don't like that they allowed her to bang her head so long that it caused a bruise. This is suppose to be a safe place and though like all other places staffing may be tight, they should be able to provide a one on one staff to help her get through the times she does this.

    I hope you get enough info from the therapist to explain what is happening. It is scary enough to leave our children in the hands of people we do not know but when they allow unexplained injuries that is way not good. My 1st instinct is that if there is an acceptable reason than any staff should be able to explain it.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    you've gotten great insights and advice here. Not much more I can add, except that after 5 days the hospital should have set up an appointment for you to meet with-the dr and soc wkr. They need to get on the stick.
  17. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Also, I think 9 is very young of a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I would check to see how old the other kids are there. And see if she is in with girls & boys mixed.
  18. totiredtofight

    totiredtofight New Member

    The psychiatric hospital / Residential Treatment Center (RTC) she is in now is just kids ages 4-17 genders are split by housing units,except the preteens and young ones which she is in preteen unit .. i talked to her psychiatrist this morning .. he had no idea she even had a mark on her and hadn't been informed of the head banging and lock picking , he said they are just now seeing signs of aggression and that he thinks that the intuniv she is on may not be enough for her, so he wants to take her off of it and then try something new in a few days .. therapist is supposed to call today so far they are still saying she will be there the av 30 days .and i must say the more i think about it the madder i get.. i was sitting there with difficult child 2 on my lap and easy child standing next to me and noticed we were being watched .. i understand that have to observe the family but the woman was watching me like i was a predator.
  19. totiredtofight

    totiredtofight New Member

    hmmm i just talked to her therapist .. they are doing a contraband search now that they know about difficult child 2 picking the lock... i know she didn't not know how to do that already so it had to be another child that told her how to do it ... however now difficult child 2 is mad that her things were searched and may be on her way to a meltdown .. i want them to see what her meltdowns are like however i don't want it to make her stay longer ... therapist stated they have a treatment plan as far as difficult child 2 learning to deal with anger and impulse control but she called off the by phone family counseling because of the search.. she said she would call again next week
  20. totiredtofight

    totiredtofight New Member

    about an hour after talking with her therapist, i get a call that difficult child 2 has had a meltdown over staff taking some stuffed animals ,resulting in her kicking a nurse in the head 3 times and biting her so now she is in isolation. i have warned them several times that when she melts down she attacks and will play sweet to get you close enough to hit and bite and that male staff is better for her ... after all the only man she has ever attacked was a small man that i guess she didn't see as a threat ... for us it has been the bigger the man the less chance of her attacking. as i was trying to explain her behaviors to the staff the nurse said "well she is sitting down being calm now " and "she is wanting me to let her out to potty' this is going to sound bad coming from a mom but i had no choice but to warn the nurse yet again that if she goes into the room after difficult child 2 being in there only 10 min that it was a ploy to get her within reach for the next attack......for the sake of staff i hope they listen to my advice, for the sake of my child i hope they all figure this out soon. i can only imagine what its like in her head or to be her in my worst nightmares