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Not sure what to do with this list that I found.
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 330911" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>DF that's exactly it. The list is riddled with the word "respect". And like I said, I know the man loves me. There is not nearly as much wrong with this picture as there was with DEX. </p><p> </p><p>And no, housework and tv isn't enough to split over. I agree. But there's more to it than that.</p><p> </p><p>Its allowing his daughter to lie to us and being the only person to scold her. Its allowing his parents to walk all over me for the past 4 years (that's getting better - at least a tiny bit). Its realizing that a laptop would be great for keeping wee's records in, but having a house with literally no place to set an 8.5x11 piece of paper down on a flat surface - let alone a place to keep a laptop safe and usable. Its me doing the mechanic work on the vehicles and he repeatedly inoring problems until they become huge instead of easily fixed...and then while I drop everything to replace broken tie rod ends, he sits on his **** and watches the boobtube instead of doing what I would have been doing had we been a normal family that had the $ to take the car to the shop. Its his "one" winter job to feed and water the livestock <em>most</em> of the time, and I go out and he's left the hoses on the hydrants and the water lines are now frozen and I have to deal with it while he starts a fire in the wood stove in a barn with no doors that no one is going to be in. Its me saying a friend is going to stop by and he begins the flight of the bumblebee and throws EVERYTHING onto our bed to make the house look presentable, and then when its bedtime? Rakes it on the floor. But any effort to work on that pile on a daily basis? No. Its him spending, weekly, on gas, chew, breakfast, lunch, and lottery tickets what I spend to provide clothes, vehicles, groceries, and medical care for a family of four. And he's the one that gripes about not having money. It boils down to respect. His time is apparently far more valuable than mine. Its knowing that I am highly allerigic to the welding rods he uses at work, but ignoring that fact when he comes home after welding, and waiting til 11 or 12 to take a shower - sitting in his chair or at the kitchen table - dumping the coveralls (also coated in the residue) in the living room for me to remove or deal with - while I spend the night eating Benadryl and sucking on an inhaler to breathe. Its complaining that I never tell him anything that's going on yet being angry at me if I ask him to acknowledge he heard me after telling him something. Its having these talks repeatedly and getting no reply. Its he and I having the same small socket set, and he uses mine to replace what's missing out of his, then locks his in a cabinet in the shop that no one else has keys to cause he doesn't like someone to take off with his stuff and then he can't find it. And then when I need my battery charger because my truck is dead, he's taken it to his mom and dad's and not brought it home, and I have no way to get out there or get into the shop where its locked up. Its being angry at easy child 1 for locking up his tools to keep others out of them...even tho that's exactly what husband does. Its letting my mom come down and spend 3 days doing housework around him while he watches tv and still offers nothing. Its "supporting" me at mounted shooting practice, and then geting on the horse that I've been riding for 6 months and running a pattern on him, then proclaiming to the group that "see? he didn't need all that practice". Its bragging that his daughter bit everyone but him because he was the better parent, albeit NOT the one that dealt with her day in and day out...Koi like that. Koi that builds up and makes me angry about things that normally aren't even on the radar...</p><p> </p><p>Things are getting minutely better with his parents. Minutely. After I told him he either stood up to them and stopped it, or I would not be a part of that part of his life anymore. He did make his daughter apologize for using him as a scapegoat when she didn't go in to make up her work - but it was a poor apology. He wouldn't have accepted what she gave from anyone else, I can promise you that. And since I bought this other car (after he blew up the old one and his truck is still sitting without a transmission) I have been taking part of his paycheck to help pay for the car and other expenses. He's not happy about it, but too bad. I'm not happy that I am having to provide a vehicle for him. He's 40+ years old, for crying out loud. But he's at least not taking the money back and thus is contributing.</p><p> </p><p>We'll talk. Again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 330911, member: 1848"] DF that's exactly it. The list is riddled with the word "respect". And like I said, I know the man loves me. There is not nearly as much wrong with this picture as there was with DEX. And no, housework and tv isn't enough to split over. I agree. But there's more to it than that. Its allowing his daughter to lie to us and being the only person to scold her. Its allowing his parents to walk all over me for the past 4 years (that's getting better - at least a tiny bit). Its realizing that a laptop would be great for keeping wee's records in, but having a house with literally no place to set an 8.5x11 piece of paper down on a flat surface - let alone a place to keep a laptop safe and usable. Its me doing the mechanic work on the vehicles and he repeatedly inoring problems until they become huge instead of easily fixed...and then while I drop everything to replace broken tie rod ends, he sits on his **** and watches the boobtube instead of doing what I would have been doing had we been a normal family that had the $ to take the car to the shop. Its his "one" winter job to feed and water the livestock [I]most[/I] of the time, and I go out and he's left the hoses on the hydrants and the water lines are now frozen and I have to deal with it while he starts a fire in the wood stove in a barn with no doors that no one is going to be in. Its me saying a friend is going to stop by and he begins the flight of the bumblebee and throws EVERYTHING onto our bed to make the house look presentable, and then when its bedtime? Rakes it on the floor. But any effort to work on that pile on a daily basis? No. Its him spending, weekly, on gas, chew, breakfast, lunch, and lottery tickets what I spend to provide clothes, vehicles, groceries, and medical care for a family of four. And he's the one that gripes about not having money. It boils down to respect. His time is apparently far more valuable than mine. Its knowing that I am highly allerigic to the welding rods he uses at work, but ignoring that fact when he comes home after welding, and waiting til 11 or 12 to take a shower - sitting in his chair or at the kitchen table - dumping the coveralls (also coated in the residue) in the living room for me to remove or deal with - while I spend the night eating Benadryl and sucking on an inhaler to breathe. Its complaining that I never tell him anything that's going on yet being angry at me if I ask him to acknowledge he heard me after telling him something. Its having these talks repeatedly and getting no reply. Its he and I having the same small socket set, and he uses mine to replace what's missing out of his, then locks his in a cabinet in the shop that no one else has keys to cause he doesn't like someone to take off with his stuff and then he can't find it. And then when I need my battery charger because my truck is dead, he's taken it to his mom and dad's and not brought it home, and I have no way to get out there or get into the shop where its locked up. Its being angry at easy child 1 for locking up his tools to keep others out of them...even tho that's exactly what husband does. Its letting my mom come down and spend 3 days doing housework around him while he watches tv and still offers nothing. Its "supporting" me at mounted shooting practice, and then geting on the horse that I've been riding for 6 months and running a pattern on him, then proclaiming to the group that "see? he didn't need all that practice". Its bragging that his daughter bit everyone but him because he was the better parent, albeit NOT the one that dealt with her day in and day out...Koi like that. Koi that builds up and makes me angry about things that normally aren't even on the radar... Things are getting minutely better with his parents. Minutely. After I told him he either stood up to them and stopped it, or I would not be a part of that part of his life anymore. He did make his daughter apologize for using him as a scapegoat when she didn't go in to make up her work - but it was a poor apology. He wouldn't have accepted what she gave from anyone else, I can promise you that. And since I bought this other car (after he blew up the old one and his truck is still sitting without a transmission) I have been taking part of his paycheck to help pay for the car and other expenses. He's not happy about it, but too bad. I'm not happy that I am having to provide a vehicle for him. He's 40+ years old, for crying out loud. But he's at least not taking the money back and thus is contributing. We'll talk. Again. [/QUOTE]
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