Not sure what to do....

[JKF]

So, today at 12:30 pm is my meeting with the hospital and CMO to decided the fate of my difficult child. I really don't know what to do! We are at our wits end with his behavior but at the same time love him so much and want him to have a good life!

My hubby and I had a long talk about this last night and we don't know if we should just "give up" and send him back to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or give him one last chance at home and tell him that if we don't see any improvement in his behavior within 6 weeks he will go back to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC), no ifs, ands, or buts!

Any input or advice is so welcome!

 

[TeDo]

He's 17. Ask HIM what he wants? Where does he want to be and why (if he knows)? Where is the BEST place for him? Don't let your misplaced guilt drive your decision. Look strictly at what is best for HIM. Putting him into a facility is NOT giving up. Giving up means you throw your hands up, hand him over to someone else, and walk away (not visits, calls, caring in any way). I don't see this being the case. That is just my humble opinion.

 

[JKF]

He's 17. Ask HIM what he wants? Where does he want to be and why (if he knows)? Where is the BEST place for him? Don't let your misplaced guilt drive your decision. Look strictly at what is best for HIM. Putting him into a facility is NOT giving up. Giving up means you throw your hands up, hand him over to someone else, and walk away (not visits, calls, caring in any way). I don't see this being the case. That is just my humble opinion.

I know HE wants to come home. I know he hated the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and wanted more than anything to come home but once he got home everything he worked so hard for at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) went right out the window. He figured he was home and that was it. No more having to work for anything. That's the frustrating part because my husband and I have rules and expectations of him and he doesn't care. It's what he wants when he wants it or he throws a huge fit.

I do honestly believe that the best place for him would be in a facility where he can actually receive the help he needs. The previous Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he was in just made excuses for his behavior and didn't actually help him with his issues. He did his "time" there and that was that. I don't think things at home are going to change anytime soon without a major intervention like this. And you're right, I'm NOT not giving up on him! Never will!

 

[TeDo]

Then maybe you need to change facilities. If the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was no help, putting him back there isn't going to help him. Can he go to a different program that has a STRONG family component? That would be ideal. He gets the help he needs and you get help to deal with him. You'd both be on the same page.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

[JKF]

Thanks TeDo! I agree 100%! He can't go back to the same Residential Treatment Center (RTC) anyway since he's been discharged. I'm advocating for a different type of treatment facility that will actually HELP him and us! I will let you know how it goes!

 

[nvts]

We went from an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to a 4 month hospitalization and he was just placed in an Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) on Friday...I would say a more restrictive environment (as in an Residential Treatment Facility (RTF)) would be the best thing...you're working against the clock right now, 18 is just around the corner and then everything changes. Time home with threats just makes things more difficult and a longer period before he gets into an Residential Treatment Facility (RTF)...I'd have the hospital make the arrangements. Just my thought on the subject!

Beth

 

[JKF]

Ok...so meeting actually went well. They psychiatrist has decided to keep him in the hospital until Monday. They are doing a full psychiatric evaluation tomorrow.

Some of the things that she explained were that she feels he has some major developmental delays and is "stuck" at an 11 year old mentality. She also thinks he shuts down and may actually be addicted to stealing and lying. That's why she says he has absolutely no remorse and never thinks he does anything wrong because people who are addicted to things rarely do. She also thinks he fits some of the characteristics of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) although not all so she's hesitant to add that to his diagnosis. Finally she explained that she highly doubts he will be able to function in our home and that she feels he needs to go to residential. From there he can get the help he needs and then when he turns 18 he can transfer to an assisted living program.

The only problem is that the CMO workers are the ones who are in charge of finding him a placement. They seem to be dragging their feet. Their attitude is that he was in residential 4 years so sending him back won't help. What they don't seem to understand is that the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he was is was more of a "holding place" for him. What he needs now is a serious intensive program that will help him.

 

[seriously]

That's interesting about the developmental delay aspect. We are looking at some similar issues although fortunately my son has not gotten into drugs.

You might want to take a look at some of the following information and see if any of it seems to apply to your son's behavior.

McDD - Multiple Complex Development Disorder

MDI - Multidimensionally Impaired Disorder

PAD - Pathological Avoidant Disorder

http://www.scielo.br/pdf/rbp/v28s1/en_a03v28s1.pdf



http://works.bepress.com/jean_frazier/79/



http://apt.rcpsych.org/cgi/content/full/7/4/310

 

[JKF]

That's interesting about the developmental delay aspect. We are looking at some similar issues although fortunately my son has not gotten into drugs.

Luckily my son is not into drugs either. His addiction is to video games/ electronics/ computers and now the psychiatrist thinks he could be addicted to lying and stealing as well! It's never ending! I will most definitely check out the links you provided! Thanks so much!!!

 

[JKF]

I have to say also, that I'm surprised this is the first time the developmental delay thing has been addressed. difficult child was 7 weeks premature at birth. Physically he achieved his milestones on time but mentally I don't think so. He's always been like he is now. It's just gotten worse with age and I'm guessing due to lack of the correct medications/treatment. I tried asking his last psychiatrist in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) if that could have anything to do with some of his problems and she dismissed me like I was crazy. His new psychiatrist thinks it definitely could have some impact and I fully agree! It's so nice to finally have someone LISTEN to me and actually agree with me for once!!!!

 

[seriously]

If it's not "classic" autistic presentation, many professionals do not have the experience to recognize developmental problems. And there can be developmental disorders that are not "autism" spectrum - that's why I posted those links for you.

 

[JKF]

Thanks seriously! I'm in the process of reading and re-reading through the links now. Some things that I have read definitely seem to relate to my son's behavior and I will be discussing with psychiatrist tomorrow! Thank you again!