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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 625976" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Christian Mom, and Welcome. </p><p></p><p><u><strong>What do you want to do? This is a key question. </strong></u></p><p></p><p>in my opinion, young men that age need to be either in college or working a full time job. I allowed my son to live here for a time while he was in college, until his behavior and lifestyle became intolerable to me. We had multiple contracts which he did not honor and for a period of months he left and came back a couple of times. When his problems began escalating, he could no longer live here. We also paid for an apartment for a period of time, until his grades were unacceptable. </p><p></p><p>And then he lived with his dad until he exhausted that option as well. Today he is going to be 25 years old at the end of July. He bounces between rehab and jail and homelessness. He makes these choices himself. </p><p></p><p>I would set firm limits and deadlines and present your son with some clear choices. And then, be prepared to stick to your boundaries and whatever you decide. As long as he has a place to stay and he doesn't have to do anything to keep that place to stay, he won't do anything. </p><p></p><p>Quite frankly, the details are irrelevant. I have learned that my son is a drug addict and drug addicts take drugs. Figuring out who and how and when and how he gets them are all irrelevant. </p><p></p><p>I don't try to tell him anything anymore. It doesn't do any good.</p><p></p><p>My son has been depressed for a number of years. Who knows what came first, the drugs or the depression? Whatever came first, he will have to quit using before anybody can sort it all out.</p><p></p><p>Christian Mom, I hope you are reading this site. If you do, you will learn a lot. Things will start to become clearer. And then you can start to make decisions for yourself.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and good thoughts going out from me to you. Keep coming back. We've likely been there and done that, and are always available to listen and offer ideas and support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 625976, member: 17542"] Hi Christian Mom, and Welcome. [U][B]What do you want to do? This is a key question. [/B][/U] in my opinion, young men that age need to be either in college or working a full time job. I allowed my son to live here for a time while he was in college, until his behavior and lifestyle became intolerable to me. We had multiple contracts which he did not honor and for a period of months he left and came back a couple of times. When his problems began escalating, he could no longer live here. We also paid for an apartment for a period of time, until his grades were unacceptable. And then he lived with his dad until he exhausted that option as well. Today he is going to be 25 years old at the end of July. He bounces between rehab and jail and homelessness. He makes these choices himself. I would set firm limits and deadlines and present your son with some clear choices. And then, be prepared to stick to your boundaries and whatever you decide. As long as he has a place to stay and he doesn't have to do anything to keep that place to stay, he won't do anything. Quite frankly, the details are irrelevant. I have learned that my son is a drug addict and drug addicts take drugs. Figuring out who and how and when and how he gets them are all irrelevant. I don't try to tell him anything anymore. It doesn't do any good. My son has been depressed for a number of years. Who knows what came first, the drugs or the depression? Whatever came first, he will have to quit using before anybody can sort it all out. Christian Mom, I hope you are reading this site. If you do, you will learn a lot. Things will start to become clearer. And then you can start to make decisions for yourself. Hugs and good thoughts going out from me to you. Keep coming back. We've likely been there and done that, and are always available to listen and offer ideas and support. [/QUOTE]
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