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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 682770" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>ok, just inboxed runawaybunny the site admin to help move your thread.</p><p></p><p></p><p>There is something going on with these kids that grow up and have no boundaries. It is either mental health issues or drugs or a combo. I think there is remorse deep down inside, but that is quickly squelched out by the selfishness addiction promotes. It is a vicious cycle and it is not possible to have a drug user living in the home, because it only spirals down.</p><p> Been through this too. It is a crazy roller coaster ride.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, you do, so the steps you have taken are the consequences of her actions. You are not to blame, these are her choices.</p><p> It is good that you took the car, stopped insurance and took her cell phone.</p><p>I have read posts where parents are financially responsible for accidents their d cs have gotten into. That is insane. All of the things you took back are privileges for adult children who are willing to follow rules and tow the line. It is not your responsibility to fund your daughters lifestyle by giving her these things. Good move. Totally warranted.</p><p> You let her know what your expectations are, and she crossed the line. Establishing this early on is important, it is her chance to follow reasonable rules. She wants to live by her own rules, her choices. Our kids do not learn if we keep extending to them, and they try to walk all over us. Chaos, drama, disrespect and destruction is unacceptable in your home, it is supposed to be your sanctuary, a place of peace. </p><p>You have worth and value. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own home.</p><p></p><p> Your older daughter is going off the rails. I have a younger son, he is 14. He grew up with his sisters coming and going. They would come home and behave for awhile then go back to the same old, same old. I finally had enough six months ago. Finally got my head up out of the quicksand to take a deep breath and realized how unfair this has been to all of us, but especially for my son. Keep focused on your younger daughter, she deserves your full attention. Realize also, that when parents follow through with ultimatums, our d cs sometimes ramp it up a notch to try to get back in good graces. It is good to read as much as you can, go to a counselor, go to face to face groups like alanon. This is adding to your toolbox to build yourself up for whatever comes, and understand more of what is happening. There is a great article in the P.E. forum I've linked below on detachment.</p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/</a></p><p>It helps to read it to understand how we get swept up with all of this stuff.</p><p></p><p> THIS, I do not get. Her social circle does not sound like a bunch of people that help her to make good decisions.</p><p>Silly psychologist. </p><p></p><p> I must tell you, when I was a teen, I had a few years of craziness and experimenting (child of the 70's) My mom had me see a therapist and I had her fooled, too. </p><p>Your daughter sounds like a smart cookie, who can tell people what they want to hear. Hopefully, she will grow out of this and find her purpose and meaning. The odds are much better for her because you put your foot down. She is out of your house because of HER choices. When we try to help d cs that are going off the rails, we are not helping them. </p><p>This is a hard time for us as parents, lots of different emotions going on. Stay with us and keep posting, it really helps to get it all out. I see CD as the journal that responds back, it is a blessing to share stories and receive advice from folks who understand the pain of this. Post as much as you want and when you are ready, respond to others. When I respond, I am reinforcing in my own mind the course I need to follow.</p><p></p><p>We are not experts, just parents who have been in similar situations and are at different places along the path. </p><p>Hang in there Looking. </p><p>You are going to be okay. </p><p>Take it one day, one step at a time. </p><p>Most of all, know that you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 682770, member: 19522"] ok, just inboxed runawaybunny the site admin to help move your thread. There is something going on with these kids that grow up and have no boundaries. It is either mental health issues or drugs or a combo. I think there is remorse deep down inside, but that is quickly squelched out by the selfishness addiction promotes. It is a vicious cycle and it is not possible to have a drug user living in the home, because it only spirals down. Been through this too. It is a crazy roller coaster ride. Yes, you do, so the steps you have taken are the consequences of her actions. You are not to blame, these are her choices. It is good that you took the car, stopped insurance and took her cell phone. I have read posts where parents are financially responsible for accidents their d cs have gotten into. That is insane. All of the things you took back are privileges for adult children who are willing to follow rules and tow the line. It is not your responsibility to fund your daughters lifestyle by giving her these things. Good move. Totally warranted. You let her know what your expectations are, and she crossed the line. Establishing this early on is important, it is her chance to follow reasonable rules. She wants to live by her own rules, her choices. Our kids do not learn if we keep extending to them, and they try to walk all over us. Chaos, drama, disrespect and destruction is unacceptable in your home, it is supposed to be your sanctuary, a place of peace. You have worth and value. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own home. Your older daughter is going off the rails. I have a younger son, he is 14. He grew up with his sisters coming and going. They would come home and behave for awhile then go back to the same old, same old. I finally had enough six months ago. Finally got my head up out of the quicksand to take a deep breath and realized how unfair this has been to all of us, but especially for my son. Keep focused on your younger daughter, she deserves your full attention. Realize also, that when parents follow through with ultimatums, our d cs sometimes ramp it up a notch to try to get back in good graces. It is good to read as much as you can, go to a counselor, go to face to face groups like alanon. This is adding to your toolbox to build yourself up for whatever comes, and understand more of what is happening. There is a great article in the P.E. forum I've linked below on detachment. [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/[/URL] It helps to read it to understand how we get swept up with all of this stuff. THIS, I do not get. Her social circle does not sound like a bunch of people that help her to make good decisions. Silly psychologist. I must tell you, when I was a teen, I had a few years of craziness and experimenting (child of the 70's) My mom had me see a therapist and I had her fooled, too. Your daughter sounds like a smart cookie, who can tell people what they want to hear. Hopefully, she will grow out of this and find her purpose and meaning. The odds are much better for her because you put your foot down. She is out of your house because of HER choices. When we try to help d cs that are going off the rails, we are not helping them. This is a hard time for us as parents, lots of different emotions going on. Stay with us and keep posting, it really helps to get it all out. I see CD as the journal that responds back, it is a blessing to share stories and receive advice from folks who understand the pain of this. Post as much as you want and when you are ready, respond to others. When I respond, I am reinforcing in my own mind the course I need to follow. We are not experts, just parents who have been in similar situations and are at different places along the path. Hang in there Looking. You are going to be okay. Take it one day, one step at a time. Most of all, know that you are not alone. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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