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<blockquote data-quote="Lookingforthelight" data-source="post: 682812"><p>I grew up with a very ill mother both physically and mentally. It's such a long story but from a young age I was dealing with things a kid should never have to face. By 18, I was her caregiver and by 20 she died. I've never met my bio dad and had a step father when I was young but was not in my life by the time I was 10. I know I've been damaged by that. I know I have PTSD from the way I grew up and I also know it's where my severe anxiety comes from. I had my d c a year and a half after my mother died. I promised myself I would not be like my mother. I'd be there for my kid. And I was! I left her bio dad when she was 7 months old because he was an alcoholic. I raised that kid by myself with no family support (mom is gone - no other family), worked full time, put myself through school, bought my first place on my own. I met my hubs and he is truly the greatest man ever, and had my younger daughter.</p><p></p><p>I was young when I had d c. I liked to drink and party when she was young. Never with her of course, but I am now questionning myself that I damaged her somehow by always being busy with school, work, life and wanting somewhat of a social life. I also lacked a lot of patience as she was a defiant young child as well. She had outrageous temper tantrums (for hours). I did try to get help from doctors when she was young and all they would tell me is to remove myself from her, so I'd do that but it never worked for long. I was older and far more established in my career when I had my younger daughter and because my hubs is wonderful and hard working, I was able to quit my stressful career and have more time (and patience!!) with both my kids.</p><p></p><p>I was a survivor from my childhood, all statistics say I should be an addict too and messed up. I chose different for myself (but with mistakes along the way) I almost expect my kid to be the same way but I guess I'm wrong in that thinking.</p><p></p><p>My easy child is doing well. She has a stable home, two loving parents, and we try to shelter her from as much as possible (which of course isn't always possible). We are honest with her though that big sister's behavior is unacceptable and that it's not fair for us to live with that. She has slammed her door once in her life, we let her calm down, and had a conversation with her about that not being tolerated. Boom, done! Has never happened again. We've never been able to do that with Difficult Child. Ever. My easy child will make comments about how she won't do what her big sis does. We reinforce that without trying to bash d c. I hope they can have a relationship as easy child gets older. I don't want her influenced at all by big sis. How sad...the vision I had was d c was going to be this amazing big sister especially when easy child was in her teens and big sis was in her 20's. Pipe dreams.</p><p></p><p>There are times I wish I never had any kids, like I'm just not equipped to raise them to be "normal" and successful in life. I try to remind myself I'm not my mother but I feel like her more and more everyday.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lookingforthelight, post: 682812"] I grew up with a very ill mother both physically and mentally. It's such a long story but from a young age I was dealing with things a kid should never have to face. By 18, I was her caregiver and by 20 she died. I've never met my bio dad and had a step father when I was young but was not in my life by the time I was 10. I know I've been damaged by that. I know I have PTSD from the way I grew up and I also know it's where my severe anxiety comes from. I had my d c a year and a half after my mother died. I promised myself I would not be like my mother. I'd be there for my kid. And I was! I left her bio dad when she was 7 months old because he was an alcoholic. I raised that kid by myself with no family support (mom is gone - no other family), worked full time, put myself through school, bought my first place on my own. I met my hubs and he is truly the greatest man ever, and had my younger daughter. I was young when I had d c. I liked to drink and party when she was young. Never with her of course, but I am now questionning myself that I damaged her somehow by always being busy with school, work, life and wanting somewhat of a social life. I also lacked a lot of patience as she was a defiant young child as well. She had outrageous temper tantrums (for hours). I did try to get help from doctors when she was young and all they would tell me is to remove myself from her, so I'd do that but it never worked for long. I was older and far more established in my career when I had my younger daughter and because my hubs is wonderful and hard working, I was able to quit my stressful career and have more time (and patience!!) with both my kids. I was a survivor from my childhood, all statistics say I should be an addict too and messed up. I chose different for myself (but with mistakes along the way) I almost expect my kid to be the same way but I guess I'm wrong in that thinking. My easy child is doing well. She has a stable home, two loving parents, and we try to shelter her from as much as possible (which of course isn't always possible). We are honest with her though that big sister's behavior is unacceptable and that it's not fair for us to live with that. She has slammed her door once in her life, we let her calm down, and had a conversation with her about that not being tolerated. Boom, done! Has never happened again. We've never been able to do that with Difficult Child. Ever. My easy child will make comments about how she won't do what her big sis does. We reinforce that without trying to bash d c. I hope they can have a relationship as easy child gets older. I don't want her influenced at all by big sis. How sad...the vision I had was d c was going to be this amazing big sister especially when easy child was in her teens and big sis was in her 20's. Pipe dreams. There are times I wish I never had any kids, like I'm just not equipped to raise them to be "normal" and successful in life. I try to remind myself I'm not my mother but I feel like her more and more everyday. [/QUOTE]
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