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<blockquote data-quote="ksm" data-source="post: 683229" data-attributes="member: 12511"><p>I am sorry, I didn't mean to add more hurt and frustration. It is just that the more I learn about FASD and ARND, the better I am able to rationalize my DCs behavior and respond a little differently to her. For example, "can't not won't". My daughter probably can't do some things that I expect her to do. It's not that she "won't". She wants to do better, she just isn't capable of making right choices. With many mental or behavior issues, we affect how they are going to react, because we react! It is a vicious circle. I am not saying you caused any damage to your daughter, maybe it is a genetic thing from her dad...maybe life situations has colored her expectation of the world... About the only thing we can change...is ourselves. And some kids mature later...like at 25 to 30! I would not tell my child that they can never return to our home. But I could tell them, you can't come home until things change, and things don't change overnight! They need to have some successes for a while to prove that they are doing better. Try to meet on middle ground, in public.</p><p></p><p>One thing that helped my son, when he went thru his addiction issues, is I was tired of all our time together ending with arguments. I tried to stop before things escalated, and ended all calls with "I love you and I am praying for you" which he usually thanked me for. I didn't want him to ever overdose and die, knowing my last words to him were harsh and hateful. It took time. And he is good now. And we are good. But, oh, just typing these words brings back all the fear and pain of that difficult time. I wanted him to change, I wanted things to get better, but most of all, I wanted him to know I loved him, no matter what.</p><p></p><p>KSM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ksm, post: 683229, member: 12511"] I am sorry, I didn't mean to add more hurt and frustration. It is just that the more I learn about FASD and ARND, the better I am able to rationalize my DCs behavior and respond a little differently to her. For example, "can't not won't". My daughter probably can't do some things that I expect her to do. It's not that she "won't". She wants to do better, she just isn't capable of making right choices. With many mental or behavior issues, we affect how they are going to react, because we react! It is a vicious circle. I am not saying you caused any damage to your daughter, maybe it is a genetic thing from her dad...maybe life situations has colored her expectation of the world... About the only thing we can change...is ourselves. And some kids mature later...like at 25 to 30! I would not tell my child that they can never return to our home. But I could tell them, you can't come home until things change, and things don't change overnight! They need to have some successes for a while to prove that they are doing better. Try to meet on middle ground, in public. One thing that helped my son, when he went thru his addiction issues, is I was tired of all our time together ending with arguments. I tried to stop before things escalated, and ended all calls with "I love you and I am praying for you" which he usually thanked me for. I didn't want him to ever overdose and die, knowing my last words to him were harsh and hateful. It took time. And he is good now. And we are good. But, oh, just typing these words brings back all the fear and pain of that difficult time. I wanted him to change, I wanted things to get better, but most of all, I wanted him to know I loved him, no matter what. KSM [/QUOTE]
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