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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 418512" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>I'm chiming in because I totally agree with MWM and PG.</p><p> </p><p>My stepdaughter is 16. Things are a total mess. We know she has done drugs - by her admission and a drug test through her probation officer. She's been violent. It's not somewhere you want to go. </p><p> </p><p>You're not spineless... You are just lost and don't know what to do. That's OK. I know so much more now that when I joined this board, when Onyxx was your daughter's age. Now, there are differences, I'm sure. But - grounding is a GOOD THING. Many kids respond to it. If you need a break, tell husband to stay with her and go for a walk, to the library, out for coffee...</p><p> </p><p>If she is depressed and wants help, she MUST go to a psychologist/counselor/psychiatrist. She cannot get medications to make her feel better without seing a doctor of some sort. An MD *can* rx them, but I would suggest you don't tell her that.</p><p> </p><p>From here on? Some things I have learned. They're harsh. But... When you are looking at any kind of drugs...</p><p> </p><p>NO. MORE. MONEY. If - and I mean IF - she does chores? Write it down - like a checkbook register. NO CASH... Then later when she wants something? "You have $X, I'm going to Wal Mart tomorrow, you can go with me then." Don't make a special trip for her. Convince people like grandparents that she really needs... ACTUAL ITEMS. Or to put the birthday money in her bank account. You know, the one you set up for her that requires YOUR or husband's signature for a withdrawal.</p><p> </p><p>Install window alarms. They're cheap at Wal-Mart. Doors, too. Warning: the GE motion detecting ones? Are set off by lightning flashes... So if your curtains are thin or nonexistent? Aim it a different direction or put it somewhere else.</p><p> </p><p>Lock your purse and any valuables in your bedroom. Warning: Most bedroom locks are super-easy to get past. Key locks are better. Deadbolts rock. Carry your keys and cell phone at all times.</p><p> </p><p>If she sneaks out? Call the police. Most towns and cities have curfews. If she leaves without permission? Cops. If she attacks anyone? Cops. I'm sure you see the pattern here. (If you see someone sneaking anything IN her window? Call 'em.)</p><p> </p><p>Set down rules. Let her know what is non-negotiable (NO DRUGS), and what can be discussed (her curfew with YOU). Give her the consequences ahead of time - before the rules are broken. You find drugs in the house? You call the cops. She comes home late? She has to be that much earlier the next time - or - she cannot go out the next time. And so on.</p><p> </p><p>For what it's worth... We invested in a small digital safe, which is where our medications and Jett's cash go. Keep in mind that cold medications are abused, too - and they're OTC, so they're seen as "harmless". NOT SO. We have a food cabinet and a minifridge in our bedroom, too.</p><p> </p><p>One more thing. Counselors are mandatory reporters in many states. If a person (ANY person) is an immediate danger to anyone - others or themselves - or is being physically or sexually abused - they MUST TELL THE AUTHORITIES. I bet her friend's counselor didn't divulge EVERYTHING - just that bit. Drugs are a self-danger... And they're a murky area for counselors.</p><p> </p><p>Keep coming back. And oh yeah - don't keep secrets from your husband - it will divide you, which is NOT GOOD for any of you. Daughter included.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 418512, member: 6705"] I'm chiming in because I totally agree with MWM and PG. My stepdaughter is 16. Things are a total mess. We know she has done drugs - by her admission and a drug test through her probation officer. She's been violent. It's not somewhere you want to go. You're not spineless... You are just lost and don't know what to do. That's OK. I know so much more now that when I joined this board, when Onyxx was your daughter's age. Now, there are differences, I'm sure. But - grounding is a GOOD THING. Many kids respond to it. If you need a break, tell husband to stay with her and go for a walk, to the library, out for coffee... If she is depressed and wants help, she MUST go to a psychologist/counselor/psychiatrist. She cannot get medications to make her feel better without seing a doctor of some sort. An MD *can* rx them, but I would suggest you don't tell her that. From here on? Some things I have learned. They're harsh. But... When you are looking at any kind of drugs... NO. MORE. MONEY. If - and I mean IF - she does chores? Write it down - like a checkbook register. NO CASH... Then later when she wants something? "You have $X, I'm going to Wal Mart tomorrow, you can go with me then." Don't make a special trip for her. Convince people like grandparents that she really needs... ACTUAL ITEMS. Or to put the birthday money in her bank account. You know, the one you set up for her that requires YOUR or husband's signature for a withdrawal. Install window alarms. They're cheap at Wal-Mart. Doors, too. Warning: the GE motion detecting ones? Are set off by lightning flashes... So if your curtains are thin or nonexistent? Aim it a different direction or put it somewhere else. Lock your purse and any valuables in your bedroom. Warning: Most bedroom locks are super-easy to get past. Key locks are better. Deadbolts rock. Carry your keys and cell phone at all times. If she sneaks out? Call the police. Most towns and cities have curfews. If she leaves without permission? Cops. If she attacks anyone? Cops. I'm sure you see the pattern here. (If you see someone sneaking anything IN her window? Call 'em.) Set down rules. Let her know what is non-negotiable (NO DRUGS), and what can be discussed (her curfew with YOU). Give her the consequences ahead of time - before the rules are broken. You find drugs in the house? You call the cops. She comes home late? She has to be that much earlier the next time - or - she cannot go out the next time. And so on. For what it's worth... We invested in a small digital safe, which is where our medications and Jett's cash go. Keep in mind that cold medications are abused, too - and they're OTC, so they're seen as "harmless". NOT SO. We have a food cabinet and a minifridge in our bedroom, too. One more thing. Counselors are mandatory reporters in many states. If a person (ANY person) is an immediate danger to anyone - others or themselves - or is being physically or sexually abused - they MUST TELL THE AUTHORITIES. I bet her friend's counselor didn't divulge EVERYTHING - just that bit. Drugs are a self-danger... And they're a murky area for counselors. Keep coming back. And oh yeah - don't keep secrets from your husband - it will divide you, which is NOT GOOD for any of you. Daughter included. [/QUOTE]
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