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<blockquote data-quote="Jungleland" data-source="post: 178503" data-attributes="member: 4598"><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Hi Family,</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Things had been going semi-smoothly with our Aly. husband found her an awesome day care provider who is a foster mom for special needs kiddos. "R" has been working with Aly on better communication with everyone especially adults. They had been helping to get Aly to think first then speak, which astounded me to no end, as well as made me very happy and proud of Aly. "R" took her to a huge shopping mall and she did end up having a melt down but was a small melt down than it would have been with us. "R" has kept Aly over night a few times to give husband a break or if he had to work late. Aly did great according to R.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Now let's skip to the last 2 weeks. I have spent alot of time with her on and off, she has slept over a few times and me and J have stayed there a few times. Some of the time was good, even really good. But a large share of the time Aly has been very disrespectful to me and her dad and even inappropriate with J (4 yo sis). </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">This past weekend started Thursday evening with me cooking dinner here at mine and J's home for husband and Aly. It went ok till she decided to act like a 2 yo and demand desert before dinner. It is awful having a HUGE 11yo acting younger than a toddler. Since her behavior was so horrid, no desert that night. Then we packed up and went to husband's to stay the rest of the weekend. Friday husband decided to leave her home with me, with a back up plan that I could call day care and take her there if Aly acted up. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">We did some errands, admittedly they were boring errands but had to be done that day. She held it together until she started yelling about lunch (at 10:30 am!) and screaming that she HAD to go to McDonald's. I kindly explained that first off, I don't have $ to throw away for a junk food lunch, but more importly, I will not tolerate an 11 yo screaming at me for ANY reason.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">That evening easy child 2, his fiance and her son came over for a BBQ. Aly was ok for about 10 minutes and then flipped out that "grandson" (4yo) was playing with HER toys. Oy Vey, these were toys in the play room that are NOT hers, they are for anyone to play with. She has her special toys in her room and we don't allow anyone in there but her. Aly started grabbing every toy away from the younger kids and then hitting them, calling it an accident, but husband and I saw it happen, NOT an accident.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">She was then not allowed to play with the littler kids until she could prove she could play kindly. By that time the little ones were afraid to play with her and it just got ugly. Son and his family had to leave and I was so sad and frustrated.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Saturday, husband had to work again, but we came back to my house, thinking between my sister, her hubby and myself we could deal with Aly. She listens to my sis and her husband very well usually. She did ok for a few hours, we all played in the pool, had a nice, homemade lunch, swam some more, then had a quiet time watching a Disney movie. All the kiddos actually fell asleep for about an hour. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">When they woke up, we colored pictures and then did chalk art outside on the concrete patio. Then they wanted pictures taken of their artwork and all had a blast attempting to take pictures, it was a crack up.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Aly did a complete about turn and "her evil twin" showed up. She back talked to her Auntie, gave the evil eye to her Uncle and ripped toys out of the little ones hands. Auntie took her into her room for some quiet time and Aly flipped out. She hit my sis, actually bruised her arm. She tore up her bedspread, threw shoes all over the place. Uncle walked in and she chucked a shoe at him. He is a BIG strong guy and was NOT going to take her crappola any more. He held her down to force her to quiet down and then hugged onto her in his big bear hug he has. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">After about another 15 minutes of a screaming rage, she fell asleep. brother in law held onto her for at least 30 minutes, till she woke up and started crying how sorry she was.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">In the middle of this whole thing I had called Crisis team. They said if I couldn't drive her in, call 911. If I could drive her in, bring her in for an evaluation. I made the stupid mistake of calling husband to see how close he was to coming home, a 45 minute drive from work to home. I said I was either going to take her in to Crisis or call 911. He said not to do either, he was on his way.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Soooo, long story even longer, he showed up in about an hour and by then she was calm, lethargic and apologetic. Which, don't get me wrong, I was glad she was, but husband looked and acted exasperated that things were all calm and he only got 1/2 days work in. So, I told him to take Aly home and I wanted a few days break before seeing either of them.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">I talked with him last night, he took her to easy child 1's place 2 hours away, but very near a very good psychiatric hospital. He said he is STILL not willing to seriously look into Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but this is a 5'6", 130 lb 11 yo girl who can and has beat me up, as well as her aunt and tried to hit her uncle. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">I had an idea this morning that, if you got through all the drama above, I would love an opinion on. Aly's daycare provider who is awesome with preteen and teen problem children. She has all her fosters in great programs to help them control their anger and emotions and also takes them out in society on a regular basis to work on social skills. She is very involved in their schools and getting the right supports for them. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">I am thinking seriously of giving her a call and see if she'd be willing to take Aly into foster care for this coming school year. Maybe husband will agree to this as we could still have regular visits, etc. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">But, I am so worried he will flip out because of the last time we had her in a voluntary foster placement and it turning out badly with CPS making it a detained placement. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Sorry this is so long. Just had to explain how it's been with me and husband and others in the last month or so. Does this sound like a good alternative instead of Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Thanks so much, I appreciate any and all comments and suggestions.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Hugs,</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Vickie</span></p><p> </p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jungleland, post: 178503, member: 4598"] [SIZE=3]Hi Family,[/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Things had been going semi-smoothly with our Aly. husband found her an awesome day care provider who is a foster mom for special needs kiddos. "R" has been working with Aly on better communication with everyone especially adults. They had been helping to get Aly to think first then speak, which astounded me to no end, as well as made me very happy and proud of Aly. "R" took her to a huge shopping mall and she did end up having a melt down but was a small melt down than it would have been with us. "R" has kept Aly over night a few times to give husband a break or if he had to work late. Aly did great according to R.[/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Now let's skip to the last 2 weeks. I have spent alot of time with her on and off, she has slept over a few times and me and J have stayed there a few times. Some of the time was good, even really good. But a large share of the time Aly has been very disrespectful to me and her dad and even inappropriate with J (4 yo sis). [/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]This past weekend started Thursday evening with me cooking dinner here at mine and J's home for husband and Aly. It went ok till she decided to act like a 2 yo and demand desert before dinner. It is awful having a HUGE 11yo acting younger than a toddler. Since her behavior was so horrid, no desert that night. Then we packed up and went to husband's to stay the rest of the weekend. Friday husband decided to leave her home with me, with a back up plan that I could call day care and take her there if Aly acted up. [/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]We did some errands, admittedly they were boring errands but had to be done that day. She held it together until she started yelling about lunch (at 10:30 am!) and screaming that she HAD to go to McDonald's. I kindly explained that first off, I don't have $ to throw away for a junk food lunch, but more importly, I will not tolerate an 11 yo screaming at me for ANY reason.[/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]That evening easy child 2, his fiance and her son came over for a BBQ. Aly was ok for about 10 minutes and then flipped out that "grandson" (4yo) was playing with HER toys. Oy Vey, these were toys in the play room that are NOT hers, they are for anyone to play with. She has her special toys in her room and we don't allow anyone in there but her. Aly started grabbing every toy away from the younger kids and then hitting them, calling it an accident, but husband and I saw it happen, NOT an accident.[/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]She was then not allowed to play with the littler kids until she could prove she could play kindly. By that time the little ones were afraid to play with her and it just got ugly. Son and his family had to leave and I was so sad and frustrated.[/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Saturday, husband had to work again, but we came back to my house, thinking between my sister, her hubby and myself we could deal with Aly. She listens to my sis and her husband very well usually. She did ok for a few hours, we all played in the pool, had a nice, homemade lunch, swam some more, then had a quiet time watching a Disney movie. All the kiddos actually fell asleep for about an hour. [/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]When they woke up, we colored pictures and then did chalk art outside on the concrete patio. Then they wanted pictures taken of their artwork and all had a blast attempting to take pictures, it was a crack up.[/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Aly did a complete about turn and "her evil twin" showed up. She back talked to her Auntie, gave the evil eye to her Uncle and ripped toys out of the little ones hands. Auntie took her into her room for some quiet time and Aly flipped out. She hit my sis, actually bruised her arm. She tore up her bedspread, threw shoes all over the place. Uncle walked in and she chucked a shoe at him. He is a BIG strong guy and was NOT going to take her crappola any more. He held her down to force her to quiet down and then hugged onto her in his big bear hug he has. [/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]After about another 15 minutes of a screaming rage, she fell asleep. brother in law held onto her for at least 30 minutes, till she woke up and started crying how sorry she was.[/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]In the middle of this whole thing I had called Crisis team. They said if I couldn't drive her in, call 911. If I could drive her in, bring her in for an evaluation. I made the stupid mistake of calling husband to see how close he was to coming home, a 45 minute drive from work to home. I said I was either going to take her in to Crisis or call 911. He said not to do either, he was on his way.[/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Soooo, long story even longer, he showed up in about an hour and by then she was calm, lethargic and apologetic. Which, don't get me wrong, I was glad she was, but husband looked and acted exasperated that things were all calm and he only got 1/2 days work in. So, I told him to take Aly home and I wanted a few days break before seeing either of them.[/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]I talked with him last night, he took her to easy child 1's place 2 hours away, but very near a very good psychiatric hospital. He said he is STILL not willing to seriously look into Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but this is a 5'6", 130 lb 11 yo girl who can and has beat me up, as well as her aunt and tried to hit her uncle. [/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]I had an idea this morning that, if you got through all the drama above, I would love an opinion on. Aly's daycare provider who is awesome with preteen and teen problem children. She has all her fosters in great programs to help them control their anger and emotions and also takes them out in society on a regular basis to work on social skills. She is very involved in their schools and getting the right supports for them. [/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]I am thinking seriously of giving her a call and see if she'd be willing to take Aly into foster care for this coming school year. Maybe husband will agree to this as we could still have regular visits, etc. [/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]But, I am so worried he will flip out because of the last time we had her in a voluntary foster placement and it turning out badly with CPS making it a detained placement. [/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Sorry this is so long. Just had to explain how it's been with me and husband and others in the last month or so. Does this sound like a good alternative instead of Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? [/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Thanks so much, I appreciate any and all comments and suggestions.[/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Hugs,[/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Vickie[/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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