Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Not sure which way to turn! LONG, Sorry!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 178513" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I am so sorry Aly is having a difficult time. </p><p> </p><p>As I was reading this, I did think about suggesting that you talk to the foster mom who is working with Aly. You can ask her for advise on how you can better work with Aly. Then ask her for suggestion on services to tap into.</p><p> </p><p>Let her know that you have heard positive things about her work with Aly and wonder if she can take in Aly for the school year. If she can, let her know how husband is hesitant and why in placing Aly in any kind of treatment. I think since husband has already seen the foster mom's positive results with Aly and is comfortable with her there overnight, he may be more open to the foster care idea. And once you and the foster mom have a plan in place that can address the issues you know he will bring up, then present it to him. Give him some thinking time so he doesn't feel put on the spot.</p><p> </p><p>Even if it doesn't work for Aly to go into this foster home, at least she is still there for day care and I am sure the provider would be very open to a visit with you. The more people working on the same plan with Aly the better. What a strong resource you will have in the provider if the two of you can work well together. Talk to her about Aly's disrespect with you and your family. Maybe she can work on that also?</p><p> </p><p>Now, a small suggestion regarding the McDonald's incident. When my 11yr old boy difficult child starts getting out of hand, I am trying to look at the clock to see what time it is. It usually is mid to late morning or mid to late afternoon. So, I am trying to pull the focus off whatever he is making an issue and throwing it on his hunger level. "O.K., STOP! Wait a minute! You are getting ornery, is it because you are thirsty or hungry? You do not have to behave like this, just ask for something. It is not lunch/dinner time yet but we can get a drink and/or a snack. I only have $2.00, how about a juice and a cookie or ice cream cone?" or "We will be home soon. What would you like for a snack once we get home. Should I pour you a glass of chocolate milk?" This has helped us several times. It is addressing a need and letting him know that I am working on meeting that need. It is also letting him know the boundaries I have to work within (don't have much money or have to get this next errand done within 10 minutes or don't have any money)</p><p> </p><p>Have you ever talked to Aly about her rages? Ask how she feels before they come on. Can she herself predict them? Can she identify a feeling that she can tell whichever adult is near that she is starting to get angry? Does she have coping skills to control these? For example, when my difficult child feels his anxiety coming on, he has breathing exercises and imagery exercises (not sure that is correct term) to focus on to keep the anxiety from building and taking over. When things are super bad, he can also take paper and pen and sit in a quiet area to journal what he is feeling. If everyone knows Aly's coping skills, they can help her through them. The key is the skills are a set of suggestions and everyone uses the same set and Aly knows all the suggestions. Otherwise it gets confusing as each person says, try this, now try this. It really needs to be consistent. At 11 years she may be ready to want to work on this?</p><p> </p><p>I do feel that you are doing a good job. I hope you find more strategies that works for Aly.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 178513, member: 5096"] I am so sorry Aly is having a difficult time. As I was reading this, I did think about suggesting that you talk to the foster mom who is working with Aly. You can ask her for advise on how you can better work with Aly. Then ask her for suggestion on services to tap into. Let her know that you have heard positive things about her work with Aly and wonder if she can take in Aly for the school year. If she can, let her know how husband is hesitant and why in placing Aly in any kind of treatment. I think since husband has already seen the foster mom's positive results with Aly and is comfortable with her there overnight, he may be more open to the foster care idea. And once you and the foster mom have a plan in place that can address the issues you know he will bring up, then present it to him. Give him some thinking time so he doesn't feel put on the spot. Even if it doesn't work for Aly to go into this foster home, at least she is still there for day care and I am sure the provider would be very open to a visit with you. The more people working on the same plan with Aly the better. What a strong resource you will have in the provider if the two of you can work well together. Talk to her about Aly's disrespect with you and your family. Maybe she can work on that also? Now, a small suggestion regarding the McDonald's incident. When my 11yr old boy difficult child starts getting out of hand, I am trying to look at the clock to see what time it is. It usually is mid to late morning or mid to late afternoon. So, I am trying to pull the focus off whatever he is making an issue and throwing it on his hunger level. "O.K., STOP! Wait a minute! You are getting ornery, is it because you are thirsty or hungry? You do not have to behave like this, just ask for something. It is not lunch/dinner time yet but we can get a drink and/or a snack. I only have $2.00, how about a juice and a cookie or ice cream cone?" or "We will be home soon. What would you like for a snack once we get home. Should I pour you a glass of chocolate milk?" This has helped us several times. It is addressing a need and letting him know that I am working on meeting that need. It is also letting him know the boundaries I have to work within (don't have much money or have to get this next errand done within 10 minutes or don't have any money) Have you ever talked to Aly about her rages? Ask how she feels before they come on. Can she herself predict them? Can she identify a feeling that she can tell whichever adult is near that she is starting to get angry? Does she have coping skills to control these? For example, when my difficult child feels his anxiety coming on, he has breathing exercises and imagery exercises (not sure that is correct term) to focus on to keep the anxiety from building and taking over. When things are super bad, he can also take paper and pen and sit in a quiet area to journal what he is feeling. If everyone knows Aly's coping skills, they can help her through them. The key is the skills are a set of suggestions and everyone uses the same set and Aly knows all the suggestions. Otherwise it gets confusing as each person says, try this, now try this. It really needs to be consistent. At 11 years she may be ready to want to work on this? I do feel that you are doing a good job. I hope you find more strategies that works for Aly. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Not sure which way to turn! LONG, Sorry!
Top