Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Big Bad Kitty, Jan 3, 2009.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    It's NOT FAIR that Matt went and did something stupid, and now I have to deal with the fallout.

    Tink has never been much of a play by herself type of kid, but this is ridiculous. Every day of this winter break, she has gotten progressively farther and farther up my butt. She wakes me up at the crack of dawn. Wants me to play with her all the live long day. Occasionally I have told her look, I need a break, let me lay down for awhile. So she lays down with me. OK, fine. But then she talks and talks and TALKS and hits and tickles and OMGjustleavemealonefortenfreakingminutesbeforeIhaveastroke.

    Then, she won't talk about her dad. She is dealing with this just like a guy. "If I don't talk about him, I won't think about him, and then I won't cry." OK, to each their own. But then she has her moments, usually when I've had it up to here (2 feet over my head) with her, and she just loses it and cries. And then I cry.

    I HATE that I can't fix this. I HATE that I have to deal with this alone. I HATE him for what he did.

  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} to you and Tink. You both deserve better (especially Tink because no child should have a parent like Matt has become). I wish we lived closer... I was telling Duckie just today about the other little girl on the site that cheers. I'm sure they would become fast friends... and you could get a break.
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Kitty. You're right, it's SO not fair. When does school start again?

    Wishing you some uninterrupted peaceful quiet.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hee hee, I just cheered myself up...look at my new sig!
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm so sorry BBK. You deserve so much better.

    Manster still does this to me sometimes, but luckily he is sleeping in later than he used to. That was rough.

    Hugs to you and the princess Tink xoxo
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm sorry, BBK. It's not fair.
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I so remember those days. It hasn't been very long since difficult child would not get me up when he was up in the morning. I had implemented my,"Woes be to who ever wakes me in the morning." but the kids never caught onto what that meant until they were about 11/12 years old. (probably because I never followed through with anything.)

    I hope you can find rest soon.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Ah child -

    Fair is something you pay to ride the bus. (hands a token to the kitteh) - (hands another token to the kitteh) (hands a pocket full of tokens to the runaway kitteh)

    Do you think perhaps that your Mom and Dad could take her for an afternoon or maybe Copper could? How about a nice neighbor? How about the beefcakes Mom? You need respite. Plain and simple.

    Wish you were closer she could come to Auntie Stars fun camp for bored children. Okay boys and girls - the FIRST prize for this trick is a pony - HOW LONG CAN YOU REMAIN QUIET???? READY, set................GO.

    Yeah - I remember these days vividly -

    There is no peace......until there is peace and then? THere is no peace because it's TOO peaceful. Ya digg?

    Sending you a rainbow......
  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Hugs. Your right it isn't fair. I am pretty close (in relative terms to other folks from the site). Maybe one of these days we need to plan to meet half way so you can have some understanding other difficult child mom to talk to and or listen to your munchkin.

  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sending huge (((hugs)))

    And hoping school starts back soon.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It isn't fair-I'm sorry. Hugs.
  12. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    (((HUGS))) Maybe you can set some type of timer-set it for, let's say 30 minutes of alone time for each. When the timer goes off, provider she hasn't bothered you, she can "earn" ten minutes of time with you, or a specific game you play together, or anything she wants to play. This is her "working for it". Repeat anytime you want her to do something, clean room, wear jacket, let her earn the things she wants. Sometimes it may be quiet time for mommy, then game, other times it's clean mess, then game. Did you get the art supplies?>I had a bucket of supplies we never used.She can do that for awhile maybe. Alyssa
  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hugs BBK. I hope when school starts again, you can take a break. I know how you feel - I remember those times when one or the other kid was up my behind and I just wanted to dive into the deep end of the pool to get away!
  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Alyssa, we did indeed get that package (I sent you a PM yesterday) and we made crafts all day long yesterday! You have no idea how happy she was to open that up. Thank you thank you thank you.

    In response to your idea, I am currently working on a list of rules to stick to. I am SO guilty of letting them slide because hey, it's just her and me. I'm gonna write them and laminate them and emboss them and carve them into the wall and FOLLOW them this time, and then yes, earning time with me will be on the list.

    Arrrgh this is tough.
  15. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    It would be hard enough without the added Matt Carp.
    Remember this is just another one of your chapters in life, not the best chapter. Tink is so lucky. Maybe not in the Daddy Chapters, but in so many other ways.
    There would not be so many fricken self help books, so many how to raise a *perfect child* books, or how to be a *perfect Mommy* book... LOL if it was so stinking easy!
    Add in the one or 12 obstacles you keep getting thrown in your way.
    The fact that you are still trying is a great sign.
    I agree, please ask one of the people in your life for a tiny break.
    Keep working on the little goals with her.
    It has taken me over 2 years to get K to sit and work on the coloring book that I bought her... Just this past 2 weeks she actually sat and started coloring in it!
    I am a firm believer in clay! I have tons of the little ones, cheap! All over.
    We also make it together, and then they have to play with it BY THEMSELVES!!!
    There are recipes online! You use kool-aid! smells good.

    You know what I spent 3 hours doing last night? (I really wanted to watch football!)
    I styled K and N's American Girl's hair... BLEECH! (Thanks Grandma)
    They got little hair style kits with a book on how to *do hairstyles*

    So me who is hairstyle challenged! Got to learn how to do a ponytail flip thing, a bunch of twists, tried to french braid! NOPE! Then I had to do K's hair....
    I hated it, but the girls loved it and we had fun... I did leave the game on.
    The deal was though, they had to go after that and play for a 1/2 hour after.
    They went and colored.
    This is actually teaching K to play by herself, she has a real hard time being alone.
    I give her her head phones. She will read or color or play with clay. She cuts and pastes.
    I have a rule that if they are playing nicely I try to go easy on the mess they make. I help them clean it up after.
    We will have one good day and then fall back to a bad day...
    I am very happy School goes back tomorrow!!!

    There are no easy answers. You are not a bad Mom.
    I wish we were closer also. The girls would love each other!!!
  16. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Oh BBK.
    I really like Alyssa's suggestion of Tink earning time with you for following her rules. Killer hard to stick with, but I suspect the results will be worth it.

    I also agree that you should call on your family to help. Get your mom or Copper or the boys' mom to take Tink for a little while, even an afternoon. You need the break.

    Sending many hugs, one of my sets of industrial ear plugs and a soft warm blanket. Have some quiet time.

  17. Star*

    Star* call 911

    FUN IDEA -

    I think we should go to the county "Fair" and shoot toads in a barrel. :tongue: I'll bring my stun gun. Zzzzzzzztz zzzzzzzztttttt

    Perhaps a real life game of frogger - and the board aunties get to the the speeding cars as the little TOADS hop to the other side of the street where OTHER board aunties will be waiting with sledge hammers and frying pans.

    I never said it was ethical - I just said FUN.
  18. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    You have my complete sympathy. I have so been there. I did finally implement a play time rule. I set aside certain times when we did things together. If there was no school, it was 9-10 cleaning; 1-2 something outdoors if weather permitted and about the only thing that would stop me from getting her outside was a blizzard or sleeting rain; 4-5 help with dinner; 8-9 tv/reading, something quiet. If she insisted on more time together, she had to earn it with special chores. If she pushed for more time and didn't earn it, she lost some of our time together. It really was hard in the beginning and sticking to the rules caused some major meltdowns but it did ultimately give me some breathing space.

  19. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am tired, and have not read all the replies to so I apologize in advance for chiming in uninformed.

    However I just want to say - I am so sorry. I have been there done that for all of difficult children life and it hoovers up the ying yang.

    Not fair barely covers it. I know the feeling so well, it just goes so deep.

    I got angrier and angrier, and so much resentment built up towards difficult children bio dad it was brutal. Finally I just had to let it all go - but mind you - it was 13 years later at this point. It helped to finally have difficult child at a point where he could accept his own pain and reality and I did not have to be put in the position of defense for him, however there are still days, when it creeps up on me again.

    So many hugs and prayers sent your way. You are not alone, nor is Tink. (Did you find any support groups for Tink? We have them here in Dallas, and they are free, and for kids from 6 on up).
  20. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    wait let me get my glass and we can whine together, our x's seem to have come from the same pod, where this pod came from... no one knows.... sigh.....

    My X showed up long enough to give difficult child II a pogo stick and then evaporated again.