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General Parenting
'Nother Newbie - ODD for 4 years
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<blockquote data-quote="RhondaVoos" data-source="post: 192716" data-attributes="member: 5868"><p>I am new here too and finding more wisdom from the Moms here than in all the shrinks offices that I have been in. I encourage you to look into Love and Logic. (LoveandLogic.com) it is much like the techniques you describe. We would not have been able to go through with our adoption if it had not been for our social worker recommending it. Most of the time it works like magic and when it doesn't, you try something else. With my son, what works one day will not work the next. But one of the best lines in love and Logic "I can see that you are very angry, why don't you have a fit, you might feel better" giving permission for the tantrum takes all of the fun out it for the kid. Our kids held us emotional hostage with their tantrums for the first year. Son's record is 4 hours and 20 minutes of full on rage. That was the last time he had a tantrum without permission. Now, he usually tells me that he does not want to have a fit and stomps out of the room to sulk, only to return in about 10 minutes as if nothing happened, or to apologise. Most of his rages are for me catching him doing something wrong. Nothing will make him lose it like someone actually expecting him to follow the rules and enforcing consequences. The rest of the time, he is funny and smart and charming as can be. Then like a bolt from the blue, possessed boy! I learned to roll with it, this kid is mad and with good reason (almost 5 years in foster care, 8 placements, some really bad stuff happened) You can tell a child how to appropriately display anger, but unless they are asking for ideas when calm, they will not listen to you. Give them permission and see what happens. (if they are not going to endanger anybody)</p><p> </p><p>Hope you all have a good day!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RhondaVoos, post: 192716, member: 5868"] I am new here too and finding more wisdom from the Moms here than in all the shrinks offices that I have been in. I encourage you to look into Love and Logic. (LoveandLogic.com) it is much like the techniques you describe. We would not have been able to go through with our adoption if it had not been for our social worker recommending it. Most of the time it works like magic and when it doesn't, you try something else. With my son, what works one day will not work the next. But one of the best lines in love and Logic "I can see that you are very angry, why don't you have a fit, you might feel better" giving permission for the tantrum takes all of the fun out it for the kid. Our kids held us emotional hostage with their tantrums for the first year. Son's record is 4 hours and 20 minutes of full on rage. That was the last time he had a tantrum without permission. Now, he usually tells me that he does not want to have a fit and stomps out of the room to sulk, only to return in about 10 minutes as if nothing happened, or to apologise. Most of his rages are for me catching him doing something wrong. Nothing will make him lose it like someone actually expecting him to follow the rules and enforcing consequences. The rest of the time, he is funny and smart and charming as can be. Then like a bolt from the blue, possessed boy! I learned to roll with it, this kid is mad and with good reason (almost 5 years in foster care, 8 placements, some really bad stuff happened) You can tell a child how to appropriately display anger, but unless they are asking for ideas when calm, they will not listen to you. Give them permission and see what happens. (if they are not going to endanger anybody) Hope you all have a good day! [/QUOTE]
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'Nother Newbie - ODD for 4 years
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