Nothing but lies

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by upallnight, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    difficult child called me telling me a story how he is going on a vacation to Florida. difficult child can barely pay his bills, but I just listened to his plans and then I asked how he was getting there. Is he flying or driving? He said he hadn't decided. I didn't mention that you need to get the plane ticket in advance, plus I forgot for a minute that he doesn't have a car. He GAVE it away recently. Then I asked if he was going with someone, he said he didn't know. I didn't say anything else, I know this is just another unreasonable seed he's planting-for whatever he's really setting me up to ask me. I shouldn't have asked him any questions, I should've told him to have fun. This crazy planning of nonsense gets me so mad, and why do I care? I shouldn't. But for so many years every plan, or thing I helped him acheive,would turn out that really he had a different plan all along- and he would hoodwink me every time. Never being honest, and breaking my heart so often that I gave up. Now it's happening again. Last week husband gave all our excersize equipment to him, but I know difficult child sold it. He was almost sold it a month ago, but husband called him on it. And we never ended up giving it to him. So he fine-tuned his BS until husband believed him. This is his MO. I will never fall for it again. husband still does, and always ends up yelling at difficult child and hanging up on him for lying and trying to scam husband. Do I seem cynical? difficult child doesn't ever tell the truth. Even about the most benign things. difficult child doesn't have anywhere to put excersize equipment, I know it's all gone for good. I guess it just hurts seeing that he's setting me up for some strange thing. We put a stop to everything a couple of years ago(in the form of a restraining order), now that we are trying to have a relationship it's starting again.
     
  2. Skylark Matrix

    Skylark Matrix New Member

    I don't know why, but I think Dads just don't get it as quickly as the Moms do. I hope that you are able to keep the Mom and Dad relationship right despite the interference, I know it is hard. Keep sharp, and don't let the difficult child trick you. They are so amazing at that. somethings just come so natural to them, unfortunately it usually only bad things. Anything good takes forever to learn.
     
  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    he is 20. unless and until he acts right, dont give him anything except food to eat when he is visiting in person. other than that, let him figure it out on his own. sad your husband still believes him. mine did that for a long time with ant. didnt help ant one bit.
     
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Well, you asked your questions and he had no firm plans. The next time he mentions the trip, tell him to send you a postcard. When you find out what he really wants, pat his hand and say that's a nice idea, son, and let it go.

    My daughter has very interesting, unrealistic dreams. I don't tell her no. I don't tell her she can't. I simply tell her that she can do whatever she sets her mind to and let it go. Granted, she's not doing it to manipulate or lie, but it's just as frustrating to hear these ridiculous ideas. (Her latest is that she wants to be a camp counselor -- she's been camping many times, but only to an away-camp once in her life, has absolutely no training and is clueless about what type of camp, where, etc.)
     
  5. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I have a mantra that I keep running thru my head when dealing with my difficult child or anyone concerning her: We teach people how to treat us. To me that means that when we allow anyone to disrespect us in anyway, we are condoning that behavior when we participate with them, even in a conversation.

    It seems to me that my own difficult child finds it easier to lie to me than to tell me the truth. It's not that I am so special, she does this to everyone, and appears to believe her lies. Obviously, it works for her in some way. If I know that she is telling me a tall tale, I change the subject. I find it insulting to be lied to.

    Maybe my mantra could help you too. We teach people how to treat us.
     
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    well said, mom to 3
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I ditto mom to 3.

    Hugs
     
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