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Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by happymomof2, Jan 31, 2008.

  1. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Detach - Detach - Detach

    How do you do that??? I am literally driving myself crazy. The minute difficult child is not home when he suppose to be or I have a hard time finding him I totally freak. Today for example - he said he was going to walk up and down a street right next to our house with a couple of girls. I said O.K. but if I walk out into the street I better be able to see you. Well of course I did walk into the street and of course I didn't see him. I also told him to be within hollering distance. (yea I am from the south!) I hollered twice still no response. I got in truck and started around the corner about the time he was walking up. He said they walked up into one of the girls yards.

    I told him I didn't care where he was - he wasn't where I told him to be. He got a little attitude then apologized.

    If he wasn't on probation for doing something stupid I wouldn't be freaking out. I hate that it ever happened. I know, better for him to get in trouble now then when he is an adult. I just don't think I can handle seeing him handcuffed again.

    Guess I am just looking for some support here. I gotta get a grip before this truly does land me in a psychiatric ward somewhere!:crazy2:
     
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi

    your not going to be in a pysch ward, trust me i'm not there yet........LOL....

    it's so so hard letting go even on a little small level, or loosing control because you do want what's best for him, which right now is keepign him out of trouble.

    your a great mom and he's so so lucky to have you.

    remember also he has to make the conscious choice himself as well to do the right thing for him to an extent and stay out of trouble.

    not an easy thing to do, i don't blame you for being on top of him. yet down the block i'm not sure that i think would be ok, does he have a watch can you track him that way? in other words ok you've got twenty minutes be back then this way the two of you can hopefully begin builidng a little bit of trust back into this whole thing?

    and yup its hard just take a few deep breaths your doing a great job you aren't going to loose it you just need to take a deep long breath. unfortunately none of us can totally control the future (sheesh i've been trying this peg round hole square thing forever LOL) not working out so good. you can only do your best which is what you are doing right now.

    hugs to you

    p.s. breath..... :)

    Jen
     
  3. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    :dont_know:
    I have not mastered that either...........it drives my anxiety absolutely sky high when I start down that road. I end up, physically, just not able to calm down. The only thing that helps me, is if I am at work when something like that is going on and I pretend that my other life does not exist - or I take a Xanax, which I try not to do. Other than that, I am pretty much down for the count until difficult child is safely home. I hate it!!! I feel your pain!:mad:
     
  4. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Son and I both just got finished with a meltdown. The youth group he belongs to is going to an event tomorrow night. It's called YouthQuake Live. His girlfriend didn't go to church last Wed. night therefore new nothing about it and already made plans to spend the night with a girlfriend. Then today she told him that she made the track team. Now my difficult child should have been happy for her and congratulated her - not sure if he did that or not. But he got so ****** off because this means she will be gone everyday for practice until 6 p.m. He said "I might as well be in jail". That is when I walked out of the room and cried for a while. Went back in and we were able to talk and cry together.

    My son wants to get involved in extra stuff so bad. His grades aren't good enough right now to get into sports at school - hopefully they will be by the end of the year and he can start trying out for football and other stuff next year. In the mean time I am going up to the gym, it's called P.A.L. and stands for Police Athletic League. I told him I would go tomorrow and ask them if I can get him in there for 20 bucks a month. We really can't even afford that but I want him in something. I don't even know that they will do it for that. Last time he was in it was 40 bucks a month. It's twice a week.

    This is yet another problem of him being in ESE classes. He has no friends, well he does but not any I want him hanging with around our neighborhood. If he was in regular ed he would have more choices.

    What's a mom to do? He just told me that he has only one friend in the youth group, besides his girlfriend. He said they all have little clicks going on now, and a lot of them are so heavenly minded they are not much earthly good. O.K. he didn't say it like that but that is what he meant. He admitted that at least 1/2 the kids at his school smoke weed. I wouldn't doubt it. So here lyes the problem. You got the slackers that are into bad stuff or you got the holy rollers that he can't relate to. He is looking for those middle of the ground kids. I know where he is coming from. I feel I am no where near as spiritual as my friends and sometimes I feel "left out" as well. Only thing is he is a kid and wants to fit in - so which would I rather he go with - the spiritual ones of course but I don't think that is going to happen. I am sure he would feel more comfortable with the slackers but that is not where he should be or where I want him.

    Just pouring my heart out here. He has never been 14 before and I have never been the mom of a 14 year old before. Just doing the best I can.
     
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I have to tell you - the lack of friend issue is very common with our difficult children. And it's heartbreaking as a mother to watch how lonely our children get.

    Neither kt or wm have good friends. Every friend they have is their "best friend".

    Many times, it comes down to learning the social skills that the various illnesses & disorders interfere with. And that takes time & patience - I'm not sure I've met a young adolescent that has time & patience for learning anything new. Even if it meant finding, more importantly, keeping a true friend.

    I'm sorry that you've had such a difficult time. Please pick your battles wisely - take on those you know will end in positive results. Let other things slide until you are feeling better about yourself & your difficult children ability to master whatever it is you're going to take on.

    Most important - don't head to the psychiatric ward. It's spa time! You're not losing it - you're exhausted & out of ideas. Give yourself a break & be gentle with yourself.
     
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