Nothing new

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JKF, Sep 16, 2014.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    It's been a while since I've posted but not because things are going well. It's more because I'm mentally drained and haven't had the energy to post about difficult child's never ending drama.

    Let's see - after being discharged from the psychiatric hospital last month, he's still homeless only in a different town. Reason being is because people in the town he was in are after him and have threatened to stab him to death. Not quite clear on the reason why, but pretty sure it has to do with him hacking into people's bank accounts and stealing money.

    He was at the mission but got kicked out after a few nights due to noncompliance. He's banned there for a month. He refuses to work with MHA because he hates talking to people and according to him they look at him weird. Ugggh! At one point he was staying in a "tent city" but I'm fairly certain he was kicked out of there too. (I'm not sure who posted something similar recently - Echo maybe?) It amazes me that someone can get kicked out of being homeless but like any other "society" I'm sure there are rules that are expected to be followed and difficult child just doesn't do rules. So yeah - bye bye tent city. Apparently he had a cardboard box fort at one point but it's been very cold here at night so I think he's been at the train station. A friend told me that he messaged her saying he was going to Florida but when I asked him he told me no because he lost his ID. And to top it all off he's posting suicide threats on Facebook again.

    I just have such a hard time accepting the fact that he won't get help for himself. There are SO MANY resources out there but he simply refuses. There is always a reason or excuse as to why he didn't, can't, won't, etc. I've given up even asking him at this point because it's a waste of my time and energy.

    I haven't seen him since that one visit at the hospital and I don't' think I want to see him anytime soon. A close friend told me she served him lunch on Saturday when she was volunteering at the soup kitchen but that he didn't recognize her. She said he looked good and that he was with a group of friends. But that was Saturday. Now he's posting suicide threats on Facebook again and saying the darkness has returned. I've gotten to the point where I'm mentally preparing myself for the absolute worst. At this point, I'm honestly expecting that call saying that something has happened to difficult child, either by his own hand or the hand of another. The thought makes me sick to my stomach and weak in the knees but it's something I need to come to terms with because it very well may happen.

    I don't know - it feels like I'm spinning in circles. The whole thing makes me dizzy and sick. I'm tired. In October it will be 2 years since this whole homeless thing started. He's been mostly homeless for 2 years with no end in sight.

    Anyway, thanks for listing to my rambling. I really needed to get this off my chest today. I've been holding it in for way too long now. Hope everyone here is well.
     
  2. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry JKF. The drama never ends for you. Hugs and prayers :).
     
  3. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    I am hoping and praying that he is reaching his rock bottom and will be ready for help soon, JKF.

    I am so sorry for YOUR pain. He is likely happier at this point than you are.

    It is so hard to be powerless. Lean into it, JKF. Get some distance from it, and him and the obsessive thoughts.

    We are here for you. We so understand. I hate drama, insane behavior and sheer stupidity. I want to be millions of miles away from it, and sometimes I can accomplish that.

    Right now, the more I don't talk to or hear from difficult child, the better I feel. Warm hugs, JKF. We care about you.
     
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  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    It is maddening when they won't accept help. I'm so very sorry for your worry. Please don't think the worst...our kids are surprisingly resilient, although that's a small consolation. Many hugs to you...
     
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  5. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    And how are things with you JKF? You posted a while ago about your job ending and thinking about becoming self-employed. I hope you've managed to make some positive steps with that and aren't worrying so much about your future employment, etc. Also you had some concerns about the father of your son being released and possibly trying to contact you. I hope that's been resolved.

    Your friend says that she saw your son recently, looking fine and with a group of friends. They often seem to have two different personas - one full of drama for our benefit, and another that's 'fine'. I would try to hold on to your friend's description and try to not focus on the facebook posts.

    Just my experience-laden viewpoint.

    Hugs x
     
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  6. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Hugs, JFK.

    I like what Lucy says above....and agree.

    The words on FB may very well be for your benefit.

    Please post whenever you are up to it. I think it helps to get it down and we want to know how you are.

    More hugs.
     
  7. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear things haven't improved with difficult child.

    I hope things are going well for you and with you.
     
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I feel for you. Give yourself a break. Take a no contact vacation and rest.
     
  9. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    difficult child daughter once told us that moral codes on the streets are stringent, crystal clear, Inescapable, and enforced through violence.

    This may be exactly what your son needs to learn, JKF. That there are real consequences to betrayals of trust.

    If he survives, he will be changed.

    There is no justice like street justice, according to difficult child daughter.

    If you can let go of outcome, if you can trust that there is purpose at work here, whether you can understand what it is or not, you will get through this time.

    From your years here on the site, I think you have tried everything you know to do to help your son change already.

    This is going to sound trite, but strive for an attitude of acceptance.

    It is what it is.

    Let time do it's work.

    I had to get to that place with difficult child daughter. I was like, flabbergasted at the downward spiral.

    I had to let go.

    There was nothing else I could know to do, and I was losing my life, my own, precious life, to depression, to obsessive thinking, to desperate plots and ploys that would turn difficult child daughter around in spite of herself...and nothing worked.

    But, hopeless as it all looked?

    Things are very different for her, today.

    And I didn't have a thing to do with it.

    Thank Heaven, I had nothing to do with it, or everyone would have been living with us, today.

    But not healthy.

    None of us would have been healthy.

    We don't get to choose anything where our difficult child kids are concerned. Now that I am past it, I wonder how it was possible that I kept that little secret from myself for all those years.

    If our children were normal, they would never have done the things they've done in the first place.

    It took me until this morning to really start to get that.

    I think finally I will be free, once I get to the other side of this one.

    Cedar
     
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  10. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, JKF. The absolute powerlessness to change something that hurts so much is so very hard to accept.

    Two years ago, did you think you would still be feeling this way today? I agree with the others, put the focus on YOU for awhile. Close your eyes and go to your happy place on the beach for a few minutes, then go do something nice for yourself.
     
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  11. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    It's so hard to let go when we realize we have zero control. This is my reality- the Zen mantra "Let go, or be dragged." When it all gets to be too much to even process, I picture myself being dragged, then letting go, and I have a few seconds of relief. Maybe it will work for you, too. Our minds are powerful. Harness the strength. Hugs to you tonight.
     
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  12. WaveringFaith

    WaveringFaith Member

    JKF, sending you hugs of support and strength. I am going through the same thing as we speak. This evening I had contact with my difficult child who is currently living 2 states away. He is suicidal and I have no earthly idea where he is staying. He is acting desperate and hopeless and is saying he hates God, etc..

    It's an unbearable pain. He doesn't want help, he feels he has failed at life. He is angry and won't even listen to any words of help or love I send him (via text).

    Just wanted to chime in and say I can relate to those feelings right now. Hoping tomorrow will bring us a better day.

    Hugs to you and your difficult child...
     
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  13. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry JKF. It's a painful journey we're on. Put difficult child aside for a little while and concentrate on yourself as others have mentioned too. I recall how much you enjoyed your massage, perhaps giving yourself that gift today. And, like Lucy I would like to hear how the self employment is going and what your easy child is up to. There is so much life for us outside of the world of our difficult child's, we just get caught up in their world and stuck in their dramas................pull yourself away from it, one step at a time, just for this weekend...............it'll all be there on Monday for you to pick up again should you choose to................but for right now, put all your efforts into YOU. The massage, the good book in bed, your creativity, your family, fun, laughter, friends..............sending you big hugs JKF...........
     
  14. TearyEyed

    TearyEyed Member

    JKF,

    I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. I understand how you are feeling. Our difficult child's have very similar stories. Before my son landed in jail, he was living "somewhere" on the streets. He would tell me horror stories of stabbings, people after him, people getting killed etc. He has a hearing on Sept 24. If/when he gets out, I have no idea where he will go or what he will do. It scares me. Everyone has given you good advice. Keep taking care of yourself. Sending hugs and prayers.

    TE
     
  15. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry it's taken me a few days to reply. We've been sick with some virus and today is the first day I'm feeling decent enough to respond. I have read your posts repeatedly though and I can't thank you all enough for your responses.

    As for difficult child - he was taken to the ER wed night for suicide threats. He spent the last 2 nights there in the ER while waiting for a bed to open up in the psychiatric hospital. He was taken today to a psychiatric hospital in another county bc our local one is full. The one he was taken to today is fantastic and I'm hoping maybe they can help him. Not getting my hopes up but I am keeping my fingers crossed.

    I will post more tomorrow and fill you all in on what's going on with me and work, etc. Did I ever mention I HATE typing on this phone? ;)

    As always thank you for your support and advice. I cherish this place and all of you so very much.



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