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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 337313" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Sharon, she has consistently been passive aggressively dealing with you and husband. It seems you are trying to put her in the mold of a typical teen and you know she isn't. You are offering her so many wonderful things but she isn't buying it. She suffers from horrid depression and I'm sure some scars of being a sibling of difficult child. The internship, scholarship are all things you and husband want for her. Obviously, she doesn't want them. She may never go to college. You can't work harder on her life that she is. </p><p>She wants to screw up her life to show everyone how miserable she really is. I guess she wins. Who really suffers. You and husband can work, play and live a life regardless of her choices. You will be sad and you will carry some guilt forever but all parents do about something, but you will move on,hopefully. </p><p>I would probably step back and let her have very simple rules. Pass classes, help at home. If she doesn't do that what are her consequences? School is obvious- she won't graduate with her group. Natural consequences it would seem. You are going to have to let her fail. I have never found forcing a teen to do anything ever works or achieve the goal intended. They have to be vested in it in some way. </p><p>The fact that she is 18 soon allows you to offer her total emancipation if she is not productive. She is welcome to move out if her life is so hard that you would expect her to try to do well in school and be somewhat pleasant and productive at home. </p><p></p><p>Part of me thinks she has other diagnosis' going on but they are not as obvious. I don't think she will thrive in a boarding school or alternative school because severe depression sucks the life out of everything. </p><p></p><p>I did offer difficult child to drop out of school if he thought it was so difficult to attend. He was horrified that I would even suggest it. I was willing to go with it too. I figure he could finish when he was ready to attend. Not everyone goes the traditional route. Some are even successful finding an </p><p>alternative to what their lives are at present. </p><p></p><p>I don't think of parenting as us against them and I don't think you do either. I would use cooperative input. Involve her in identifying the problem(failing class) Talk about the goal and how to get to it. If she doesn't care if she fails, ask her what she thinks will happen. Step by step so she can connect the dots. So many of our kids can not project forward to the outcome their behavior creates. </p><p></p><p>My thoughts are different medications, cooperative problem solving, natural consequences. If she chooses to drop out she must have a back up plan of what she will do. No one gets through life who doesn't work or go to school. Let her work it through with you like a life lesson plan.</p><p>Forcing the issues just never seems to work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 337313, member: 3"] Sharon, she has consistently been passive aggressively dealing with you and husband. It seems you are trying to put her in the mold of a typical teen and you know she isn't. You are offering her so many wonderful things but she isn't buying it. She suffers from horrid depression and I'm sure some scars of being a sibling of difficult child. The internship, scholarship are all things you and husband want for her. Obviously, she doesn't want them. She may never go to college. You can't work harder on her life that she is. She wants to screw up her life to show everyone how miserable she really is. I guess she wins. Who really suffers. You and husband can work, play and live a life regardless of her choices. You will be sad and you will carry some guilt forever but all parents do about something, but you will move on,hopefully. I would probably step back and let her have very simple rules. Pass classes, help at home. If she doesn't do that what are her consequences? School is obvious- she won't graduate with her group. Natural consequences it would seem. You are going to have to let her fail. I have never found forcing a teen to do anything ever works or achieve the goal intended. They have to be vested in it in some way. The fact that she is 18 soon allows you to offer her total emancipation if she is not productive. She is welcome to move out if her life is so hard that you would expect her to try to do well in school and be somewhat pleasant and productive at home. Part of me thinks she has other diagnosis' going on but they are not as obvious. I don't think she will thrive in a boarding school or alternative school because severe depression sucks the life out of everything. I did offer difficult child to drop out of school if he thought it was so difficult to attend. He was horrified that I would even suggest it. I was willing to go with it too. I figure he could finish when he was ready to attend. Not everyone goes the traditional route. Some are even successful finding an alternative to what their lives are at present. I don't think of parenting as us against them and I don't think you do either. I would use cooperative input. Involve her in identifying the problem(failing class) Talk about the goal and how to get to it. If she doesn't care if she fails, ask her what she thinks will happen. Step by step so she can connect the dots. So many of our kids can not project forward to the outcome their behavior creates. My thoughts are different medications, cooperative problem solving, natural consequences. If she chooses to drop out she must have a back up plan of what she will do. No one gets through life who doesn't work or go to school. Let her work it through with you like a life lesson plan. Forcing the issues just never seems to work. [/QUOTE]
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