Nothings Changed Just worse

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Jun 23, 2013.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    I wasn't coming back on but I wanted to give one last update. I thank u all for ur help but the only thing to do now is for them to live with their dad. All these years of trying to protect them from his "lifestyle" all these years of going to school to better myself for them has been for nothing! I still have no job, Im obese and have no skills. I have been dealing with self esteem issues after something certain happened to me along with verbal and emotional abuse from certain people. Not depressed tho, just want a job!

    I thought that I was trying to move forward, pushing myself so my kids can have a great life- I never told or showed them my fears or issues. I do yell back when my kids and swore I never would. Whats worse is I do tell them to just go live with their dad since thats what they want because they only argue and complain here. My son messed my daughter and I up for volunteering today ( we were signed and not many people go on this particular site sometimes) plus It looks bad to keep canceling. His tantrums are bad, his demands, his "he will get ready when and if he feels like and pushes us around." Even when its something he wants to do, he plays games. He doesnt understand or want to understand when we say, " if you dont get ready, you are not going to your camp" or we worded it " if you get ready, we will go to your camp" either he demands " yes or no am I going" But he cant or wont accept that I cant promise yes if he doesnt pick up his toys or get ready etc. Bribery doesn't work, rewards and even punishment doesn't work to get him going. He did graduate to the second grade.

    Before I said nothing was wrong with my daughter, occasional tantrum and extremely shy and quite, good grades. Yes still good grades but still soooooooooooo quite, rarely smiles esp in public. People ask me if shes depressed or going to cry. I try talking with her and she says shes not depressed or social anxiety. Shes eating fine, grades good, no missing school, has friends, still loves her electronics, loves her art and getiing her back into her activities. Shes been this way since Kinder when I was pregnant. I looked up social anxiety and she may or may not have that. I don't know. My neighbors boy was like this still is and hes in his 20's now, works has a kid, but hes not depressed. I hope shes not but Im keeping an eye out for the slightest change and will rush her to the dr. The dr says shes shes shy by the way when I did ask already as they stated.

    Im so upset , Its now 10:41 am and we were suppose to be there 10 minutes ago :( This volunteering is hours for my daughters Honor Society which is making this harder! Im in limbo on jobs, no one has given me a chance, and if they dont move with their dad, I will lose custody and go to jail for non payment of child support! He gets them anyway then! Yay me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :censored2:

    I never thought this is how things would be... I expected issues of course, never wanted perfect just a decent life. But the more I talk to doctors and stuff the more they tell me its me! Gee, I cant even work or volunteer because my son causes me to be late at times or miss entirely! So, maybe another reason no job. Oh well. Keep em bathed, fed and loved, educated and when they are older they can move or if they want now. I told them I dont want them to ever move but I guess its not up to me?

    Thanks again for all ur help, Im praying for u all!!!!
     
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Confused, I can't tell you how much I really wish that I recall all your past posts. It would be a lie if I said I did. BUT from this post today alone I know in my gut that you have done your best and that is all that any of us can do. I've been a single Mom. I have raised alot of kids.....difficult child's and easy child's.......and I truly, completely understand that it is not an easy task and "sometimes" the "good guys don't win". I apologize that I don't have time to review your history as a Board member but today I just can't. What I can do, however, is tell you that I KNOW you love your chidlren, I KNOW that your intentions have been honorable, I KNOW how complex and difficult it is to struggle when you have a much loved difficult child. I am sending very caring hugs your way. None of us truly KNOW what the future will bring but we all have to keep doing what we think is best. If it feels like a failure...maybe it is only a temporary failure. Don't let the circumstances completely defeat you. Make sure that the children understand that it is important to set goals and strive for them. It's also important that they know (in addition to your love) that sometimes things don't turn out as planned. You will always be there for them.......and although that is not what you hoped for..it is AOK! DDD
     
  3. Gran2Angels

    Gran2Angels Member

    Confused, I am new to posting here. I thought was DDD said was very good and so true. You have and are doing your best.

    I hear so much pain in your post. I wanted to say that I am so sorry for your pain. And that I understand it. It is so hard when a child is difficult to the point of throwing the balance off of everything in your daily life.
     
  4. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Thank you DDD. Its just all the same in the other posts except for the one where I wrote the good things about my little one. I appreciate the thought tho :)

    Today, he also threatened to break his window while he was kicking the walls. Well, we told him dont please and he calmed down after a bit, we finally left to go Volunteer and he stayed there with my dad and was a perfect little angel around the dogs. We left and close to home he started talking fast and got jumpy in his seat. He said " someone jumped our fence lastnight, threw the brick at my window and broke it". As soon as he said that, I knew in my heart he broke it because he never takes the blame. He makes the stories up. Well, got home and sure enough, a big round( not a brick but something round) hole where the glass used to be, glass all outside over the window sill and ground. It was obvious it was broken from the inside. I guess when he was kicking the wall this morning it drowned out the glass breaking sound. You can hear him kicking it from outside! Well, hes grounded , no tv, electronics. I don't know, this is now his second window, uggh.

    I don't know, I just feel that what little if anything I have done, is nothing for them. Thank you for your support
     
  5. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Thank you Gran2Angels. I think I picked my name here perfectly, confused and maybe yes in pain.

    Sorry your here but glad your here - so you have others to talk to. Everyone here is wonderful and really care :) This is the only place ( besides my dad and best friend) who have not judged us.
     
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Confused, I'm so sorry about your job situation. I have no idea what to suggest ... you said you have no skills but you've got to be able to do something. If you take a min. wage job, does that ruin any alimony or anything? I'm not sure how that works. But it must feel awful.
    Your son sounds a bit like mine. I could tell when he was ramping up. I wish I could go back in time because I know so much more now. Still, when you're stressed and going on one hr of sleep, and everyone is pulling you in different directions, all the knowledge in the world won't help if you can't cope. Definitely, your son needs an evaluation. My son had several rages a day. I remember when we got to one rage a day, and then one every other day. It was soooo nice! And then one rage a week--that was awesome, lol!
    In our world, "normal" is relative.
    I'm a bit confused by your note, in regard to the kids living with-their dad. Are they definitely going there? Or were you thinking out loud in your post? You know darn well that there will be a honeymoon period if they go there, and then they'll be the same with-him as they behave with-you.
    Glad you're back here! But so sorry you have to be.
     
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