Now I can move on

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KFld, Nov 15, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm not going to get into all the details, because it would probably take a 4 page letter, but I resolved a few things over the passed few days with s2bx that I needed to in order to move on. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I really can move on with my life, no questions, no guilt, just be me and move on.

    The short version is that I took the opportunity to let him know how totally disrespectful he has handled the end of a 30 year relationship and how it not only effected me, but his children and everyone else he has involved.
    This started very negative and after two days of throwing blame and digging up some very hurtful things, it ended with an understanding of mutual respect between two people who have spent many many many years together and who still need to be involved somewhat in each others lives for the sake of our children.

    Another thing that came out of this is that we were able to agree that it's a waste of time to try and figure out why and who's fault it is that we were no longer happy, but that we both over the years changed and grew, but obviously not together, and that it would be totally unfair of either one of us to believe it was solely the other persons fault.

    He even admitted in the end that he introduced his girlfriend to our kids too soon. That is one of his biggest problems though. He figured that out a little too late. It wasn't until he saw how uncomfortable they were with it that he realized he was wrong.

    I'm not saying I'm forgiving him for any of the dirty rotten nasty stuff he has done, but I feel we have come to an agreement that will be beneficial to all, especially our children.

    I feel Good!!!!
     
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    You have made remarkable progress in a very short time, Karen. I'm delighted for you.

    Suz
     
  3. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I'm glad you feel you can move on now. :thumbsup:

    I don't know that I ever forgave my ex for all the :censored2: he did to me but I am indifferent to him now. I don't have him. It takes too much energy and means you still care. I don't care. He can live and have a great life, he can fall off the face of the earth, either way, I don't care.

    You will get to that point. After that it's smooth sailing. :dance:

    steph
     
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    "I'm not saying I'm forgiving him for any of the dirty rotten nasty stuff he has done, but I feel we have come to an agreement that will be beneficial to all, especially our children."

    Your children are the most important in this issue. I'm so glad you and ex were able to come to that realization. You are a very brave and wise woman Karen.

    Nancy
     
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Congratulations for blowing it out of your system. I'm sure it felt good for both of you.

    ....moving on?? Good girl!!
     
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Stella Johnson</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I'm glad you feel you can move on now. :thumbsup:

    I don't know that I ever forgave my ex for all the :censored2: he did to me but I am indifferent to him now. I don't have him. It takes too much energy and means you still care. I don't care. He can live and have a great life, he can fall off the face of the earth, either way, I don't care.

    You will get to that point. After that it's smooth sailing. :dance:

    steph </div></div>

    I don't think I will ever forgive him, I just know I'm a bigger person for knowing we need to communicate with some level of respect because we have kids. I hope he moves someday so I never have to see him again, but for the kids, we need to be civil.
     
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KFld</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I don't think I will ever forgive him, I just know I'm a bigger person for knowing we need to communicate with some level of respect because we have kids. I hope he moves someday so I never have to see him again, but for the kids, we need to be civil. </div></div>

    I know we have had these discussions about the need to forgive before, and they tend to go on and on and on. I don't think you do have to forgive him. I think if you forgive yourself, and are indifferent to the person who hurt you, that's enough.

    On a different note, along the lines of him introducing the girlfriend? I remember being the mom who drove the groups to soccer, etc., and the children - especially daughters - of men who got together with women other than their moms just thought those new women were worthless jokes, as a general rule. You s2bx made a big mistake there, I think.

    I'm glad that you came to a peaceful place for yourselves. IT takes too much energy to go on fighting.
     
  8. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I'm glad to hear that you feel weight off your shoulders, feel that you can move on AND feel good.....for sure has to be a relief feeling. That's great.
     
  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I went to counseling today and she said I did awesome. She said she wished I had called her before letting easy child go meet girlfriend last week though because she would have told me to step in and let easy child know that I didn't think it was in her best interest. She said she usually teaches couples to not get involved in the relationship of their children and the other parent, but in this case she said I am the only parent who is acting in the best interest of the kids and I need to be the advocate, especially for easy child.

    She told me if I ever feel confused about saying something to easy child that she might take as me not wanting her to do something because I may be jealous of s2bx's new relationship, to just blame it on her and say, I talked this over with Susan and she said she doesn't feel it's appropriate or in your best interest for you to be doing this so soon.

    I love Susan!!!!
     
  10. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    I am happy for you, or couse I am also feeling protective of you, because your divorce is not over yet, and we both know this could cause more conflict between the two of you. But this isprobably because I am still pinned under the weight, LOL
     
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Very good, Karen. Good job! I love the part where you said you felt like a wt had been lifted off your shoulders.
    Take care.
     
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