now I feel bad

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by goingcrazyinwv, Jun 10, 2010.

  1. goingcrazyinwv

    goingcrazyinwv New Member

    I just found out difficult child didn't steal the firecracker easy child 1 did. I called and ask her about it told her not to lie because it is on video and she swore it wasn't her. So I ask easy child 1 and told him it was on video and he admitted to it. I don't know what to do, if it isn't one thing it's anouther. I grounded him, he is usually such a good kid should I make him take it back to the store? I feel like I should but man this kid has been throu it with difficult child maybe that is why? I don't know some days I wish I could just runaway.
     
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    So easy child stole the firecracker, not difficult child? I would tell difficult child that I am sorry I accused her and I know she didn't do it. I would NOT attach the "but your past actions mean that I cannot trust you so you are going to be the first one I think of when a problem happens." That part will just cause bad feelings. The unconditional apology will model how apologies should be made when you make a mistake.

    easy child 1 may have been through a wringer because difficult child's actions. How does that have ANY bearing on the fact that he stole something? Just because they are pcs and have a harder time does NOT mean that they should not have logical consequences whey they do something wrong. Period. difficult child koi has no real connection to easy child stealing, unless difficult child told/convinced/forced easy child to do it.

    If you let easy child off the hook you teach him that it is OK to steal if someone in your life is hard to deal with. Do you REALLY want to send that message? You could grow a difficult child out of your easy child if you don't treat his mistakes with logical consequences. That would make life much harder for the whole family.

    My kids were taken back to the store to confess and to give the item back. They also had to pay the full price plus tax for the item. They did NOT get to keep it. So far no one has ever pressed charges but that is their right and a consequence that easy child would have to face. Many managers/owners are just thrilled to see a parent who is not ignoring it or encouraging it, in my opinion.
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with Susie that easy child 1 should take back the firecracker. It will show both easy child and difficult child that they are responsible for their actions.
     
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hadn't thought of difficult child's reaction. It would probably damage difficult child's relationship with both you and easy child if easy child was not held accountable for shoplifting. It IS a crime and if you allow easy child to get away with it then difficult child will always wonder why it was so awful for her to break the law but easy child is allowed to break the law. That is the message that you will send to easy child and difficult child - that difficult child is terrible for breaking the law and you will come down on her like thunder but you think it is fine for easy child to break the law.

    When we are in the middle of the tornado that is life in gfgland it can be hard to see the message we are truly sending to the kids. It is one reason why this forum is so amazing. It helps us cope with both the forest and the trees.
     
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