Now she wants a BABY!!!

[bran155]

This kid is making me crazy!!! Her ignorance is quite scary. She thinks she could be a mom. She wants to have a baby. She actually has her period and she took a test before her period came and it was negative, yet she rubs her belly and calls it "her baby". HELLO!!! She isn't pregnant now but there is no doubt in my mind she will intentionally try to get pregnant. She has a new friend who is 4 months pregnant and since she does not have a mind of her own she is now wanting to be a mother. She is nuts, she cant be a mother, she would end up killing her kids. No matter what we say to her, she really believes she could do it. What about housing and money? She aint living here!!! I would be the worst grandmother in history as I am not taking care of her babies or allowing her to live in my house. Sad to say but the truth is I would let her kids go into foster care before I would raise them. She has already put me and my family through absolute h*ll, it is not fair for her to now expect us to take care of a baby. I wont do it. My husband will no doubt finally leave me. He has stuck by us through all of the chaos but I dont think he would stick around for this. I dont even blame him. If I could leave I would. I know I am worrying for nothing right now, but this could very well happen as my difficult child has no common sense and makes horrible decisions. What are my rights? She is not considered an adult until she is 21 here in the wonderful state of New York. That just isnt fair. If I wanted to take care of a baby I would have one of my own.

I am going to call my DSS worker and find out what my rights are. I wonder if I could have her emancipated once she is 18. Anyone know? When I turned 18 my father sent me emancipation papers to sign so that he would no longer be responsible for paying child support to my mother. Can I take her to court? I am a nervous wreck and cannot stress enough that I AM NOT TAKING CARE OF HER KIDS!!!!!! What do I do?

 

[smallworld]

Bran, I don't know anything about your legal rights, but can you talk to your difficult child's psychiatrist? Her thoughts don't sound as if they're based in reality. Pretty scary. Hugs.

 

[goldenguru]

Well - stress to her that you are not taking care of her children. I would guess there is little else you can do. It doesn't sound like you're dealing with a mature rational person. Sounds like your advise is falling on deaf ears. I would certainly let her therapist know what you are hearing.

There does indeed seem to be a trend among teenage girls to want to become teen moms. I don't get it.

 

[Pookybear66]

Hi,
Don't know anything about your life but wanted to offer my thoughts i nthe hopes that it might be an idea worth contemplating. My first thought was maybe some kind of trial run. Maybe if you could arrange to have her work in a supervised environment(so no child would be harmed just in case) like a day care. Or if you coul "borrow" an infant for just a day/overnight for her to see what it was like. There was a show this summer called "Baby Borrowers" in which they did this very thing. There were persons that gave their children to teens for a few days. The teens took sole care of them. There were video cameras monitoring and the parents were just next door in case of anything happening. There were also nannies in the teens home but were in place only for emergency need.

The show was interesting to me and proved that emotional maturity is neccessary before having kids. NONE of the teens wanted kids when it was over. Many of them wanted to quit the program after just a day or so. Don't know if this would work in your situation but thought I'd let you know my thoughts. Best wishes and good luck.

 

[bran155]

Thank you guys.

Pooky, I was thinking the same thing. My friend is willing to "loan" me her baby for the day to show my daughter how hard it is. That is an option. I also was thinking about that show. I am going to try and get all of the episodes and make her watch them!!!

Thanks

 

[Fran]

After talking to psychiatric doctor about her obsession and her distorted thinking, I would suggest the 5 yr shot to prevent pregnancy. I know you probably can't do it if she refuses but if she is found unstable, it may be an alternative.
Preventing pregnancy in a girl with unstable thinking sounds like a priority to me.

You know that she isn't thinking about the realities of a baby as much as the shock value to everyone around. This seems to be a way of being the center of attention.

You have my sympathies. difficult child was told very clearly if he got someone pregnant that he would have to find a job and support it as well as raise it because I'm not doing it. Fortunately, he doesn't want that responsibility.

 

[trinityroyal]

My friend is willing to "loan" me her baby for the day to show my daughter how hard it is. That is an option. I also was thinking about that show. I am going to try and get all of the episodes and make her watch them!!!

Bran, I really like Fran's idea about getting the 5 year because shot for your difficult child.

With her distorted thinking, I don't know that the shows or even taking care of a baby for a day or 2 would deter her from wanting to have one of her own.

My difficult child has this same sort of distorted thinking. (Thankfully, he's in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), does not have a girlfriend and has no interest in having children right now). He would tell himself that those other teens are idiots and he would do a much better job as a mom than they would . Yes. As a MOM.

From what you've described of your difficult child Bran, I suspect she might have the same type of grandiose thinking and wouldn't get a lot from the lesson.

Sorry you're having to deal with still more of your daughter's nonsense. Keep detaching, keep strong and don't get drawn into her vortex.

Sending hugs and strength.
Trinity

 

[house of cards]

I would pay her $100.00 to get the shot, I would go out and get her a puppy(if You were prepared to take over its care), but the shot would be first on my list.

 

[maril]

I didn't even know there was such a shot! I learn something new every day.

Anyway, bran155, I feel for you. We were in a similar situation with my son and his ex-girlfriend (ages 16 and 17, respectively, at the time) last summer. His girlfriend was enchanted with the idea of having a baby and openly expressed how she knew girls, who had babies at her age and did fine. A little unrealistic there. I also became aware that she was encouraging my son to have a child with her.

Long story short: My husband and I (mostly me talking/husband in attendance) made it crystal clear to difficult child and his ex that we were not willing to take responsibility for a baby, etc. I also spoke with my son separately more than once about what the responsibilities of a parent would be, including commitment to taking proper care of the baby, i.e., probably having to get multiple jobs, forgetting about hanging out with friends, tending to the baby's needs 24/7, etc.

It seems becoming a dad was the last thing my son wanted. Anyway, she did not become pregnant and they eventually broke up and moved on with their lives.

I wish I could be more helpful. Good luck to you.

 

[Pookybear66]

Bran-I'm glad you liked my idea but Trinity has a point. She may have such distorted thinking that this may backfire. You of course know your child best, it is but just one option.

 

[BusynMember]

Please beware that your daughter may think she IS pregnant. There is a disorder where you think you are pregnant, and your body actually ACTS pregnant, and you test positive for pregnancy, but you are NOT pregnant. Your body sort of tricks your mind. It's a mental illness. Years ago, when I was in a psychiatric hospital, there was a woman there with a big stomach telling us all that she was pregnant. And everyone thought she was. My social worker, who became sort of a friend, told me that she wasn't really pregnant but had a "hysterical pregnancy." She probably shouldn't have told me, but she did. The poor woman was psychotic and nobody could tell her she wasn't pregnant. So look for signs of that. (((Hugs)))

 

[TerryJ2]

Just lending support. You've gotten some fantastic ideas here!

 

[susiestar]

I also suggest talking to the psychiatrist about her distorted thinking, and to your attorney about emancipation. I have no clue about that.

I really think that getting her the 5 year birth control is a smart idea. It would let her grow up. If she really wanted to change her mind after she was out of your home,that would be one thing.

 

[witzend]

It sounds awful, but I would pay her money to get the shot too. Or buy her something she really wants that's extravagant. When you think about how much money you could be out if she gives birth due to general child care you will likely take over, possible loss of work for you because you are dealing with her baby, etc... all the things that could go wrong and cost you money, I'd be willing to pay thousands to keep my daughter from getting pregnant if I knew she was behaving and thinking like yours. Seriously. My credit is good, and I would go into debt to accomplish it.

I'm sorry you are having this situation with her.

 

[KTMom91]

Oh, Bran...I'm so sorry. Many, many hugs. You've gotten some good suggestions. I totally understand where you're coming from that you won't raise her kids. I said the same thing. Not only that, she wasn't gonna stay here while she was pregnant, either. Not happening. Fortunately, she wised up on the subject. Hope your daughter does the same.

 

[bran155]

Thank you all so much. So much advice, I really do appreciate it.

Witz, great idea, I will offer her money to get the shot. I never thought of bribery!!! I will talk to my husband today.

I will let you all know how the bribe goes. Thanks so much, God bless.

 

[bran155]

Well, that didn't work!!! I offered her $100 for every depo shot, and she said no!!!! She is going to intentionally get pregnant, I just know it. I am researching my rights on line. It says that there is no emancipation laws in NY, I am responsible for this kid until she is 21!!! There is something about an order of protection that I could put on her. I have left a message for my case worker at DSS, asking her to find out what my rights are. Hopefully she'll call me back this year!!!

 

[house of cards]

It is truly unbelievable that we take away a parents control and yet hold them responsible. I'm sorry you all have to deal with this. I believe you should be able to make her get the shot, just like you made vaccination decisions for your child, but I'm not writing the laws. Hope she changes her mind.

 

[Shari]

How is it that we can be held liable for them, but have no power to control their actions? This is so crazy.

Let us know what you find out on your rights.

Guess I might consider a leave of absence and you and she moving to a crummy apt in a state where she's an adult at 18...

Gosh the predicaments these kids can put us in...

 

[witzend]

NY's child custody laws are really messed up.

I'm not surprised she didn't take the $100, that's not much to a girl her age. I have never heard of the 5 year shot, but if that is an option, I would have more likely started with an offer for $5,000 for the five year shot, take it or leave it. Mind you, I don't have $5,000, but I could get a $5k cash advance and it would be worth the $100 monthly payment to know L or M wasn't breeding unwanted children at this point. Kids think $5k is enough to buy a house. They know it's enough to buy a decent car.