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<blockquote data-quote="mom_to_3" data-source="post: 349821" data-attributes="member: 30"><p>I'm not trying to be mean klmno, but I don't think for a minute, that your difficult child has any concern for your expectations, nor do I think the consequence of losing a learners permit will alter his behavior. For Pete's sake, he just got out of a year long stay in Department of Juvenile Justice, I would have thought that alone would be huge motivator to keep his nose clean. I don't really think he's that clueless, I just think he is very, very determined! If he wants to be accepted by his peers, and wants friends, <strong>HE</strong> needs to figure out how to accomplish this in a positive way, without you telling him how. That is one of those life skills that our kids have to learn for themselves. He needs to learn that he can't go off the deep end when he's stressed. He needs to figure out how make and keep friends on his own. He needs to learn to self reflect. I don't know that you would be the one to teach him this.</p><p></p><p><strong>The worst thing we can do as parents, is to do for our children what they should be doing for themselves. We rob them of the opportunity to learn the life skills they deserve/need to learn in life.</strong></p><p></p><p>You know something I learned after my difficult child was out of our home and I had some time to remove myself from the chaos, and had time to really observe other families? I learned that is was not at all typical for any child to be as high maintenance as my difficult child or your difficult child is. It is not necessarily because our difficult child's require so much, it is because we put so much into them, too much in fact that we handicap them. I felt that *I* had to do so much so that my difficult child did not fail in life. It was futile. *I* wanted her to suceed so much more than she did. I may have removed her drive by doing too much for her! Little did I know that *SHE* needed to want it more than I did.I hope I have been able to convey my message to you in a constructive way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mom_to_3, post: 349821, member: 30"] I'm not trying to be mean klmno, but I don't think for a minute, that your difficult child has any concern for your expectations, nor do I think the consequence of losing a learners permit will alter his behavior. For Pete's sake, he just got out of a year long stay in Department of Juvenile Justice, I would have thought that alone would be huge motivator to keep his nose clean. I don't really think he's that clueless, I just think he is very, very determined! If he wants to be accepted by his peers, and wants friends, [B]HE[/B] needs to figure out how to accomplish this in a positive way, without you telling him how. That is one of those life skills that our kids have to learn for themselves. He needs to learn that he can't go off the deep end when he's stressed. He needs to figure out how make and keep friends on his own. He needs to learn to self reflect. I don't know that you would be the one to teach him this. [B]The worst thing we can do as parents, is to do for our children what they should be doing for themselves. We rob them of the opportunity to learn the life skills they deserve/need to learn in life.[/B] You know something I learned after my difficult child was out of our home and I had some time to remove myself from the chaos, and had time to really observe other families? I learned that is was not at all typical for any child to be as high maintenance as my difficult child or your difficult child is. It is not necessarily because our difficult child's require so much, it is because we put so much into them, too much in fact that we handicap them. I felt that *I* had to do so much so that my difficult child did not fail in life. It was futile. *I* wanted her to suceed so much more than she did. I may have removed her drive by doing too much for her! Little did I know that *SHE* needed to want it more than I did.I hope I have been able to convey my message to you in a constructive way. [/QUOTE]
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