Now What?

[CrazyinVA]

I've always tried to operate under the assumption that "no news is good news" when it comes to my difficult children. At least, as far as something bad happening to them. I always figure if something did happen, I'd find out. Of all the times I've worried about no contact, it's been wasted worry 100% of the time. *100%*. And believe me, they're not worried about us. This is another difficult detachment lesson .... if we want them to be independent and for things to change, we have to learn how not to worry when they stop calling us. It's what we wanted, right? For the harassment to stop? Such a dichotomy: hating the harassing calls, but worrying when they stop. been there done that.

I would agree with the above, he knows you worry. He may be "punishing" you for not bailing him out, and not being able to accept his calls from jail (which was not within your control because of the way the screwy system was set up, but hey, it's how a difficult child brain works -- everything is our fault!) Try to keep yourself busy ... step back from it, mentally. None of this is your fault. All of this is your difficult children doing. His destiny is up to HIM. Out of a crisis can come change: let him figure this one out.



Hang in there...

 

[recoveringenabler]

Good morning JKF, I agree with everything CiV and pasajes told you. We take a step in this detachment process, we gain ground and then we find out something they did or didn't do and we get scared again. Then we take another step and gain ground, and the same thing happens. I think we do that until we run through all our fears and then we stop.

I would also operate under the assumption that no news is good news. You might utilize this time without his drama to enjoy your life, these are moments you can't get back, don't let him take them from you. Whatever happens you can deal with it then, but now, in this moment, life is good, he's presumably safe ...........and you have a whole Sunday to go have an adventure, have fun, laugh, enjoy yourself. Or you could spend it worrying about your difficult child...........the choice is always there.............stay right here in the present moment............(((HUGS)))))

 

[JKF]

I really have been doing a good job at keeping relatively calm during the last couple of days. I was even able to enjoy my weekend without the constant anxiety I get when something happens with difficult child. However, that being said, I really am worried about him. I have not heard from him AT ALL except for one phone call late Friday night. I was sleeping when the call came in so I didn't get it. I called the number back the next morning and it was a cab driver. Apparently he was the one who picked up difficult child from jail and he said he dropped him off at a shelter in Reading PA but that he couldn't remember the name of the shelter. He also said difficult child was looking to get to Morristown, NJ which is about 10 minutes south of where we live. Reading PA is a couple of hours from here so I'm not sure how difficult child was planning on trying to get here.

Anyway, I called a couple of the shelters in the area this morning and was told that they can't give me a yes or no as to whether he's there bc they have a policy about keeping identity confidential. They took his name, my name and number and said they'd post it on the board and if he's there he'd see it. Ugggh! I want to cry! I'm so frustrated. Yes, I wanted to harassing phone calls to stop and I wanted difficult child to start taking responsibility for his own life but I never wanted THIS! In a way this is worse because I don't know if he's ok or not.