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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 617247" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi Jess - I'm so sorry you're going thru this. </p><p></p><p>First and foremost, you have the right to be safe in your own home.</p><p></p><p>I'm gonna say it again, because I think sometimes we forget that. </p><p></p><p><strong>You have the *right* to be safe in your own home. </strong> </p><p></p><p>More important than that, your *daughter* has the right to be safe in her own home.</p><p></p><p>Domestic violence is domestic violence. Doesn't matter who the perpetrator is. </p><p></p><p>I do agree with Midwest Mom that possibly there was a power struggle going on there (can't blame you at all). What would have happened if you had walked away from your son, rather than trying to pull him out of the car? Would he have still gotten physical with you? </p><p></p><p>It's really hard to accept the lousy way our kids treat us sometimes, but... I can only say that, for me, the goal became trying to keep situations from escalating to that violence from my difficult child. I've been called every name in the book, had to listen to the most vile spewage from my kid, but I had to learn (slowly, and with a lot of support from the folks on here) to ignore that for the sake of avoiding physical violence. We came up with safety plans so that my other kids would be comparatively protected from both the verbal and physical violence. In the long run, it didn't work well for us because if I didn't respond to the verbal spewage, my kid absolutely would keep on pushing boundaries until he got physical, and that's why he spent the last 9 years of his childhood in residential placements, with 2 very short-lived tries at living at home in those 9 years.</p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion, you need to draw a very firm line in the sand. There will be absolutely *no* physical violence in your home. Period. No destruction of property. Period. 911 will be called for domestic violence. Period.</p><p></p><p>We had a very long history with our local police, in hindsight probably fortunately. Every time I had to call 911 (too many to count), I informed them I had a mentally ill child/adolescent who was violent and needed transport to the local hospital. EMTs and a couple of officers would arrive to help out. He would get transported to hospital for evaluation and admission. Sometimes it would go smoothly. Sometimes it was an absolute zoo. But you cannot handle this by yourself. You need to call for help. </p><p></p><p>Most importantly, your son needs to get the message that there is a zero tolerance for violence in your home, or any place else for that matter. </p><p></p><p>I'm really so very sorry you're going thru this. Truly. I'm not sure what to suggest in terms of addressing the cause of his violence, but honestly it sounds like the violence is really the biggest issue right now, for you *and* or your daughter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 617247, member: 8"] Hi Jess - I'm so sorry you're going thru this. First and foremost, you have the right to be safe in your own home. I'm gonna say it again, because I think sometimes we forget that. [B]You have the *right* to be safe in your own home. [/B] More important than that, your *daughter* has the right to be safe in her own home. Domestic violence is domestic violence. Doesn't matter who the perpetrator is. I do agree with Midwest Mom that possibly there was a power struggle going on there (can't blame you at all). What would have happened if you had walked away from your son, rather than trying to pull him out of the car? Would he have still gotten physical with you? It's really hard to accept the lousy way our kids treat us sometimes, but... I can only say that, for me, the goal became trying to keep situations from escalating to that violence from my difficult child. I've been called every name in the book, had to listen to the most vile spewage from my kid, but I had to learn (slowly, and with a lot of support from the folks on here) to ignore that for the sake of avoiding physical violence. We came up with safety plans so that my other kids would be comparatively protected from both the verbal and physical violence. In the long run, it didn't work well for us because if I didn't respond to the verbal spewage, my kid absolutely would keep on pushing boundaries until he got physical, and that's why he spent the last 9 years of his childhood in residential placements, with 2 very short-lived tries at living at home in those 9 years. in my humble opinion, you need to draw a very firm line in the sand. There will be absolutely *no* physical violence in your home. Period. No destruction of property. Period. 911 will be called for domestic violence. Period. We had a very long history with our local police, in hindsight probably fortunately. Every time I had to call 911 (too many to count), I informed them I had a mentally ill child/adolescent who was violent and needed transport to the local hospital. EMTs and a couple of officers would arrive to help out. He would get transported to hospital for evaluation and admission. Sometimes it would go smoothly. Sometimes it was an absolute zoo. But you cannot handle this by yourself. You need to call for help. Most importantly, your son needs to get the message that there is a zero tolerance for violence in your home, or any place else for that matter. I'm really so very sorry you're going thru this. Truly. I'm not sure what to suggest in terms of addressing the cause of his violence, but honestly it sounds like the violence is really the biggest issue right now, for you *and* or your daughter. [/QUOTE]
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